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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Not Know What To Do About Child Left In Car

281 replies

crackerjax · 19/11/2013 09:21

I came out of DCs school this morning and noticed a child was in a parked car on his own. He was about 2 yrs old and crying. I asked a couple of mums if they knew whose car it was with no success. I didn't have a phone with me but was thinking that if after 15 minutes the mum had not returned that I'd have to ask to borrow someone's phone to ring 999 or 101.

As I waited I noted the registration number and the child stopped crying. I think perhaps he may have been asleep when left and the crying I saw was the post-sleep cry that youngsters do. The mum arrived after about 10 minutes (so with the walk in to school was probably away c. 17 minutes assuming no chatting). I told her that her actions were unacceptable and she was very apologetic saying it was the first time and I think she was about to start saying that he is difficult on the way into school but I interrupted and said we have all had to manage difficult fractious toddlers on the school run but that leaving a child alone in a car is unacceptable and dangerous.

So, my questions are, what should I have done in that moment when I saw the child in the car, and do I do anything about it now? I appreciate that we all have difficult days, and that we all make poor choices on occasion (I am the first to admit I have made poor parenting choices).

Any thought are welcome.

OP posts:
ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 19/11/2013 09:39

prof

I do agree we all should look out for one another but a child left on a school run car is not something I would be shouting about.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 19/11/2013 09:40

"I leave you with this" ....

Erm, over dramatic much and it's about 2 degrees outside right now.

Personally I would leave a child in a car that long but you made your point, she apologised. But you cutting her off and continuing with the lecture makes you look like a bit of a (oh hang on don't want to break talk guidelines)

PeppiNephrine · 19/11/2013 09:41

blah blah community spirit. Did it occur to you that if I choose differently to you, if I decide my children are safe left in the car, there is nothing to say you are right and wrong?
You are arrogant and sanctimonius.

noseynoonoo · 19/11/2013 09:41

I am shocked at some of these responses. I can't believe that the OP is being treated like she is the one in the wrong.

A 2 year old could have undone his seatbelt / let himself out of the car if there were not child locks (OP would not have known if there were child locks). Someone could have stolen the car with child in it.

If OP estimates walk into school was 7 minutes then I am guessing the mum could not see the car.

Would it have been better for the OP to just go home and ignore it and hope that the car did belong to a school mum and hadn't just been dumped?

As for all of this tarring and feathering and witchhunts - crikes!

Ifcatshadthumbs · 19/11/2013 09:42

I WOULDN'T leave a child that long. gah typo

PeppiNephrine · 19/11/2013 09:42

she is in the wrong. OP might not know if there were childlocks, but the mother did, and she'd know whether the child could open his belts or the car. But OP assumed she knew best.

Shonajoy · 19/11/2013 09:42

I'm shocked too. The child could have been abducted, or got out of the car onto a road! It's a long time to leave a child of that age alone.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 19/11/2013 09:43

No its not dramatic.

You have no idea what that woman is going through.

If OP wanted to be sooo charitable and kind she could have simply watched the child, made sure he was OK then on the mums return simply said in a very pleasant and kind way: " Oh hello, I hope you don't mind, I am not some weirdo watching your child, I walked past and noticed he was crying, and just wanted to make sure he was OK, until his mum came back"

she would have been embarrassed and worried and thankful, she would know her child had been crying and no one there and she may have gone away thinking, what a nice person, and goodness, i wont leave him again.

sounds to me like op saw an opportunity to simply bully someone.

Rooners · 19/11/2013 09:44

I have left a small child in the car for the school pick up before - BUT I do it only if the car is within reach, ie about maximum 100yds and visible, and if I know I will be less than 5 minutes and the car is double locked (so not openable from the inside) and the child has just recently dropped off to sleep - so unlikely to wake when I am gone.

I always feel ultra stressed when I do it though - normally I get someone to watch, when I am gone or someone to send ds in the direction of the car, rather than leave it. I always end up RUNNING back to the car. Normally to find the child asleep...

The few times I did it and the child started to cry, were when they were older, say about 3 or 4, and had agreed/asked to be left for 5 minutes and then changed their mind half way Blush

I am on my third child now and avoid leaving him at all if possible - even if it means waking him.

Ifcatshadthumbs · 19/11/2013 09:44

I don't think the OP did the wrong thing it's just unfortunate that her pompous, superior personality comes over far stronger than the valid point she was trying to make.

thebody · 19/11/2013 09:46

bloody hell am genuinely shocked by the responses here.

if this was a cm or a nanny leaving a toddler strapped in a car alone for 10 minutes and distressed would your responses be so supportive?

why assume the mother is some sort of tired at the end if her tether poor thing?

in my experience of my 4 kids and unserious mindees I would never ever do this and see the mums who do as careless and generally can't be arsed to deal with a sleepy toddler.

soverylucky · 19/11/2013 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

noseynoonoo · 19/11/2013 09:46

ELF - I think with your 5 posts, you are seeing an opportunity to bully someone.

The OP asked what she should have done. You don't need to character assassinate her. In the heat of the moment we don't always use the best words.

Slutbucket · 19/11/2013 09:47

It is so hard with a younger child and the school run! I used to leave my kids on the drive in my car but my friend who's a copper had said she had attended a number if cars that had set on fire by themselves. That did make me think. I take a practical approach. I'll go to a tesco's express where you ca. See the car from the window dash in get what I need and dash out but I can't see them well they need to come. Wouldn't lecture but would help the person.

thebody · 19/11/2013 09:47

numerous not unserious!!

IneedAsockamnesty · 19/11/2013 09:48

Op are you not In The uk?

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 19/11/2013 09:49

I don't think any of us would leave a child that age at home on their own for 17 minutes even asleep so why is it ok in a car? I don't get that

HairyPorter · 19/11/2013 09:50

Sorry I couldn't help laughing at the fact you linked a heatstroke video! Unless you're not in the uk?? Frankly none of your business. I think the mum would know I get dc was able to undo the buckle and doors? My DS certainly can't and while I wouldn't leave him for too long, if he's asleep I don't see what's wrong with leaving him for a couple of minutes.

icingmyback · 19/11/2013 09:51

100% agree with elf
if the op had talked to me like that i'd either give her a stream of abuse, completely ignore her or go home and cry for the rest of the day depending on my mood.

Mabelface · 19/11/2013 09:52

fuuuuuck at the reactions on here! who in their right mind would leave a screaming 2 year old in a car unattended for 17 minutes? The op was dead right.

littleducks · 19/11/2013 09:52

I leave my kids in the car on occasions I have risk assessed as safe.

However I was in waitrose and came out to find several police officers and two police cars as a child had been left in the car next to mine (parent and child spaces). They were very unimpressed with the mother and were giving her a hard time, get daughter was still asleep but had been alone at least 20mins as the mother had been in several aisles at the same time as me.

JudyJudgypants · 19/11/2013 09:53

You did absolutely the right thing,
You should never leave a child alone in a parked car.
the child awoke and was distressed, you stayed and waited for the mother, that was fair and you rightly told her it was unacceptable.
Those who say "you did not know what the mother was going through" are forgetting that neither do they,so making there own assumptions in to fact is absurd. the mother should know she was definitely wrong to do what she did.

Abra1d · 19/11/2013 09:53

I used to leave mine to dash into shops quickly, if they were in view of the car. If you had 'told me off' I'd have had something to say.

CoffeeTea103 · 19/11/2013 09:53

If a cm did this the reactions would be totally different. It's worse because it's the mother. Reactions here are shocking.

PeppiNephrine · 19/11/2013 09:53

You don't understand how strapped into a car seat is different to wandering around an empty house? Really? Do you have an oven, stairs, all kinds of dangerous things within reach of the child seats in your car?
Idiotic. Hmm