To Not Know What To Do About Child Left In Car

[crackerjax]

I came out of DCs school this morning and noticed a child was in a parked car on his own. He was about 2 yrs old and crying. I asked a couple of mums if they knew whose car it was with no success. I didn't have a phone with me but was thinking that if after 15 minutes the mum had not returned that I'd have to ask to borrow someone's phone to ring 999 or 101.

As I waited I noted the registration number and the child stopped crying. I think perhaps he may have been asleep when left and the crying I saw was the post-sleep cry that youngsters do. The mum arrived after about 10 minutes (so with the walk in to school was probably away c. 17 minutes assuming no chatting). I told her that her actions were unacceptable and she was very apologetic saying it was the first time and I think she was about to start saying that he is difficult on the way into school but I interrupted and said we have all had to manage difficult fractious toddlers on the school run but that leaving a child alone in a car is unacceptable and dangerous.

So, my questions are, what should I have done in that moment when I saw the child in the car, and do I do anything about it now? I appreciate that we all have difficult days, and that we all make poor choices on occasion (I am the first to admit I have made poor parenting choices).

Any thought are welcome.

Jinty64 if a friend was watching from the corner of the road or anyone for that matter why didn't they do anything when the child's visible upset!

Many responses seem to take the view that the child would be 100% safe with the mother and thus she was risking the child's life by leaving him in the car.

If she'd taken the child with her, that wouldn't eliminate all risks.

The mum and toddler could be run-over whilst walking on the pavement, he (or more likely the older sibling) could run-off into the road etc etc

The mother may have thought leaving him in the car for 10mins was safer overall than taking him with her and she might well be right. It certainly isn't clear cut enough to justify telling her off.

Not read the whole thing, but there was another thread very similar the other day where the OP was observing a child left on their own in a car on a street. In that case lots of people were saying 'call the police', 'knock on doors', whilst lots of others were saying 'FFS we do this all the time, it's not a big deal' 'someone was probably watching' 'perfectly safe' etc.
I'm not a parent (yet!) so I don't know if it is something I would do or not. However I do think that it only takes one (well publicised) child to be abducted from a car (where the child has flicked the lock, parent forgotten to lock, car is broken into) for this to become a Madeline McCann situation where suddenly no one would ever think of doing it (and wouldn't admit that they'd ever done it).

www.gisborneherald.co.nz/article/?id=33291

Really, is it that safe?

I would never leave my child in the car (or comparable scenario) for the purely selfish reason that, given that it would be hellishly awful enough for something to happen to one's child when you were present or had left them under reasonable supervision (e.g. school), it would be utter torment to feel that it was down to leaving them unsupervised and alone which resulted in an incident.

Taking a child in a car, walking along the street with them, etc., are not quite analogous, since you too are running the risk. Leaving the child alone, they bear all the risk, and in the very unlikely chance that something were to happen, the guilt would be unbearable.

The mum was definitely wrong to do this. It really isn't acceptable. I'm surprised people thingk it is tbh.

WIW a mum did this outside the school I worked out. Similar age child, similar length of time. Another parent reported it to the school. The school had to record the information and HT had to contact the parent and report the incident further.

Interestingly I wonder how many people leave their child / children in the car at petrol stations while they pay for petrol?

I do as I can see the car from the window at all times, prob makes me a bit of a hypocrite cause I wouldn't leave them in the car anywhere else.

It's not the theoretical but remote risk that something bad would happen that is the issue here, it's the fact that the child was clearly really upset at being left that is the problem here. I think the child's reaction was quite understandable and the mother was frankly rather inconsiderate of her child's concerns and needs.

I would never have left my DC in the car in this situation.

I would have lugged a sleepingtwo year old and new born to school, so I think this mum shouldn't have left her toddler. I also think the OP should have just stood by the car, and when the mum came back mentioned she was keeping an eye on the toddler "Just in case".

I didn't think anyone left young children locked in a car.... neglectful in my opinion and can't believe the nasty responses to the mum on here who was trying to do the right thing for that child by speaking up....well done crackerjax.

p.s. if it was me, would have informed social services

The childminder or nanny comparisons are typical MNer strawman arguments. There are many things a childcare professional would lose their job over that a parent can legally and morally do!

I would have waited near the car to check the child is ok but would never have lectured the parent. Who the fuck do you think you are?!

My daughter has to leave her 7 month old asleep in his car seat from time to time. New car, strapped in, locked, unlikely to spontaneously combust! SAFE. While she collects her 5 year old disabled child. If the baby cries, well babies don't die from crying!

Perhaps the nosy, interfering, sanctimonious OP would think about offering help to the poor harassed mother who no doubt thought it best to leave the sleeping 2 year old (he probably woke up which they usually do when the car stops!) instead of sticking her oar in where it was not wanted.

Personally I would have told her to f* off! and stop being hysterical!

Not read the whole thread, just first couple of pages. Frankly I cant believe the reaction you have had! It simply cannot be right for the mother to have left the child unattended in the car, out of her eyesight, for even a minute! I have read many threads about the McCanns and how leaving their children was unacceptable on MN and yet anyone could have stolen this car / child. The mother was very lucky that you gave up your time to make sure that her child came to no harm. BTW, I once left my DD in the car for around 20 seconds while I got out to post a letter in a postbox about 15 yards away, and got a flaming from an elderly gentleman walking by!!

Yeah right, because I bet he had extensive childcare credentials!

I can't believe people think it is OK to leave a 2 year old child alone and out of sight in a car for 17+ minutes...........I am genuinely gobsmacked.

In answer to an earlier comment, leaving children in a car whilst paying for petrol, is completely different. A couple of minutes tops and the car/children always in sight - different scenario completely.

Safety aside, why would you scare your child half to death by letting them wake up alone and strapped into a car seat wondering where mummy has gone???

Unbelievable.

Ever sat in a car for a prolonged period with no heating? Heatstroke isn't a risk but hypothermia probably is to a small tot. The RSPCA even had warning ads for leaving animals in cars in wintertime. It's a really bad idea

From what I can gather.

Police take a dim view of this if they find out.

And SS. Seem to take it into account if there are also other factors.

Make of that what you will.

Locketjuice Tue 19-Nov-13 19:23:20
"She left her two year old in the car alone! How can that be ok. My sons 22 months and knows how to get out of his car seat...."

Wtf? My son is also 22 months and there is no way ever he'd get out of his car seat. Can I suggest you get a new one because if a barely 2 year old is getting out of his seat, then it's not fit for purpose. That's more dangerous than leaving a toddler in a stationary car. What if he got out of his seat whilst you were driving and opened the car door or window?!

It's amazing how skewed some people's views on safety in a car are.

You are probably right MrsDeVere. That is why people have to be a bit careful.
But ultimately this should all be about the child anyway. Regardless of ss.

Yanbu. Of course she shouldn't have left the child alone in the car, it's cruel and dangerous. Telling her off was a proportionate response - some people would have called police / social services. Perhaps she'll look after her child better next time because of what you did.

Funnily enough there was another thread a few weeks back about children left alone in a car: the observer called the police and all the replies said Yanbu and were very supportive. I'm surprised how many people think you shouldn't have interfered! Shows how random these boards are.

Bzoo, I doubt a toddler would suffer hypothermia in a car that's just been turned off with the heating on full blast.