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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Not Know What To Do About Child Left In Car

281 replies

crackerjax · 19/11/2013 09:21

I came out of DCs school this morning and noticed a child was in a parked car on his own. He was about 2 yrs old and crying. I asked a couple of mums if they knew whose car it was with no success. I didn't have a phone with me but was thinking that if after 15 minutes the mum had not returned that I'd have to ask to borrow someone's phone to ring 999 or 101.

As I waited I noted the registration number and the child stopped crying. I think perhaps he may have been asleep when left and the crying I saw was the post-sleep cry that youngsters do. The mum arrived after about 10 minutes (so with the walk in to school was probably away c. 17 minutes assuming no chatting). I told her that her actions were unacceptable and she was very apologetic saying it was the first time and I think she was about to start saying that he is difficult on the way into school but I interrupted and said we have all had to manage difficult fractious toddlers on the school run but that leaving a child alone in a car is unacceptable and dangerous.

So, my questions are, what should I have done in that moment when I saw the child in the car, and do I do anything about it now? I appreciate that we all have difficult days, and that we all make poor choices on occasion (I am the first to admit I have made poor parenting choices).

Any thought are welcome.

OP posts:
Fakebook · 19/11/2013 11:07

Haven't read the whole thread. I personally don't have a problem with toddler children left in cars for a small amount of time. I've left my 6 year old with her brother countless times whilst I run in to shops to get milk or bread. They're strapped in and are playing on the iPad/phone or asleep and aren't at risk of overheating or dehydration.

If I had seen a crying toddler in the car, I would've stood there and waited and then left after the mother came back. Might have made small talk, but never would have spoken to her so rudely.

It's always on here people start wringing their hands at children left in cars. Why can't people use common sense anymore? Did the child look ill? Thirsty? Hot? Hurt? Blue? There was a ridiculous thread a few weeks ago about a sleeping baby in the car and the OP was told to call the police. Absolute overreaction.

SparklyFucker · 19/11/2013 11:16

And this thread is exactly why we need better teaching of statistics and probably in the British education system...

In response to the OP's questions of what she should have done at the time, you did the right thing in waiting with the car, but you should have been rather more polite when the mother returned and simply informed her that her child had been crying, rather than being so presumptiously judgey pants and hectoring about it. The mother is a grown women, not a child you can patronise and talk down to. What should you do about it now? Absolutely nothing. It's not your business anymore.

kelda · 19/11/2013 11:22

It does sound a long time to leave a child in a car.

I was once accidently locked in a car, for less then ten minutes, in cold weather, and it got hot, very claustrophobic very quickly.

I feel for this child. I feel for the mother too.

IMO the OP did the right thing in waiting for the mother to return.

thebody · 19/11/2013 11:23

no ideas what statistics has to do with it?

my dd was badly injured in a well regulated, well organised school trip. I didn't see the risks involved as statistically they were negligible but it still happened. the teacher still died and the girls were still injured.

would I leave a toddler in a car? absolutely not. under no circumstances alone for 10 minutes. for me the dangers are far more foreseeable than dds accident.

Ubik1 · 19/11/2013 11:27

I's have probably waited, stated he had been crying made sure he was ok and went on my way.

But I am a very bad parent. I have left my toddler sleeping in the pushchair while I popped into a shop. Imagine! Someone could have snatched her.

Strangely, no one did.

SparklyFucker · 19/11/2013 11:33

I'm sorry your daughter and the school had to go through that, thebody.

Statistics, probability, risk assessment, and accepting consequences has everything to do with it. (We also need better teaching of spelling it would seem, as I clearly made a mistake in my op!)

Oblomov · 19/11/2013 11:45

Everything Op writes, her tone, her choice of words, are ...............

erm, 'particular'.

I think she does herself no favours.
She would get right up my nose.

Shall I make a list of my parenting failures? Too many to list.
But having her point them out to me, would truly nark.
Who does she think she is?
That poor woman.

I wish goody-two-shoes, sanctimonious mums like Op, wold just leave the rest of us alone. Instead of poking their noses in, where they have no right to be.
Makes me very cross.

Ubik1 · 19/11/2013 11:55

I don't know why we go out at all, really. Better to stay indoors. Close curtains. Get cross at toilet/parking transgressions.

CadleCrap · 19/11/2013 11:56

2 year old could have undone his seatbelt If your 2 yo can do this then you need to get a better car seat.

*KellyElly" See above - strapped into a decent car seat a child can get up to no mischief. In a house however ........scissors, knives or even worse sudocream and sofas Grin

lizzzyyliveson · 19/11/2013 11:58

I bet if this thread had been about a dog left in a car unattended for 20 mins that people would care more.

BitOutOfPractice · 19/11/2013 12:07

BopsX3 "I think you were a bit harsh OP. You could've just sat with him untill his mum came back and then just explained he was crying and you wanted to make sure he was ok untill she returned.

It is the parents personal choice as to whether they'd leave their children in the car or not.

I personally wouldn't do it with any of my children (7yo, 4yo, 11mo), but that's my decision, doesn't mean anyone else is wrong to do so. You can't go around telling people how to look after their kids."

Eaxactly that. No need for any of the "you are a sticky beaked bitch" or "the child might've been abduscted by aliens" hysteria. Just that

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 19/11/2013 12:25

I would never leave my children in a car and I don't like to see children left alone in cars but I would never have a go at someone who had left their child for 15 minutes unless the child actually was in danger.

If I was worried I may stay by the car until someone returned but I still wouldn't confront the parent, I'm just not that kind of person really.

fedupwithdeployment · 19/11/2013 12:31

Slightly off topic, but DH managed to lock me in the car last week. I couldn't unlock the doors from within, so sat there like an idiot with the car alarm going off. He didn't answer mobile / emails...so eventually rang the butcher and asked them if they had a tall grey customer...and to send him out to rescue his wife who was locked in the car.

It was slightly embarrassing, but not too hot nor too cold. I sympathise with the OP, but 15+ minutes is a bit too long. Someone once reported me for leaving a sleeping 2yo in a car (December so not too hot). I was 9 months pg, (so couldn't carry sleeping child), was collecting new push chair, and I was gone for les than 5 minutes (proof was on ticket). I was furious...and still am 7 years later.

montysma1 · 19/11/2013 12:39

I am a bad mother. At night , I SLEEP, in a different room and everything. Anything could happen whilst my eyes are closed. The house could go on fire, we could be broken into and children kidnapped, we could be struck by a meteor, there could be a bee in the house. Take me out and shoot me.

NellysKnickers · 19/11/2013 12:47

Sorry have only read first page so apologise if thread has moved on. You were right to be concerned but most certainly not right to tell off the mum, who on earth do you think you are. As others have suggested she may be in a really bad place right now.

TEEurkeyDay · 19/11/2013 12:50

You know what? It makes no difference if the mother is in a good, bad or indifferent place.

The OP has no right to lecture the mother about safety.

Watch out for the kid until the mom came back? Sure. No problem.

At that point, your part in it is done and you can walk off knowing you've done what could be done to keep the child safe.

But I would have given you such a mouthful if you'd proceeded to then lecture me about how unsafe it was to leave my child there.

CadleCrap · 19/11/2013 12:53

monty this may have to be a suicide pact as I have knowingly left my dcs in the (secure) garden when I went for a shit

SirChenjin · 19/11/2013 12:56

Not sure if I would have been quite so forceful in my admonishment, but fucking hell, there is no way I would have left any of the DCs alone in a car for 10 minutes unless I could see them clearly - and I'm pretty relaxed in my parenting.

SkullyAndBones · 19/11/2013 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gaelicsheep · 19/11/2013 13:01

I wonder if the OP has a child who will only ever nap in the car, and who is a living hell if woken up before they're ready?

MerryMarigold · 19/11/2013 13:02

This thead is weird. The other day there was a thread about a child asleep (outside their house) in a car and people were telling the OP to call the police!! (Which the OP did).

In this case, the child was crying in the car and the OP told her off a bit. Ok, I wouldn't have, but anyway...she didn't call the police on the Mum.

gaelicsheep · 19/11/2013 13:04

Oh god really? We'd have the police out to us a fair bit to us if we had a neighbour like that, for reasons stated previously!

MerryMarigold · 19/11/2013 13:07

Yeah, the thread really kicked off big time as some (inc me) were a little bit sarcastic to the police-callers who were all saying, "But the child might DIE."

Mouthfulofquiz · 19/11/2013 13:08

I just don't think I'd ever leave my DS in the car for that long - seems a bit out of order really. Just my thoughts. Saying the op should be ashamed of herself for having a word with the mum is a bit OTT.

TEEARDIS · 19/11/2013 13:08

Exactly Skully.

Not that I have a car. But if I did, and two children, I would probably leave a sleeping younger sib in the car while I ran the older one into school.

It is something I know a lot of the parents do at our school. Even leave them sleeping when going for pick up, which can take a bit of time as my son is P1 so has to be handed over to an adult so one child at a time is allowed out the door.