Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Not Know What To Do About Child Left In Car

281 replies

crackerjax · 19/11/2013 09:21

I came out of DCs school this morning and noticed a child was in a parked car on his own. He was about 2 yrs old and crying. I asked a couple of mums if they knew whose car it was with no success. I didn't have a phone with me but was thinking that if after 15 minutes the mum had not returned that I'd have to ask to borrow someone's phone to ring 999 or 101.

As I waited I noted the registration number and the child stopped crying. I think perhaps he may have been asleep when left and the crying I saw was the post-sleep cry that youngsters do. The mum arrived after about 10 minutes (so with the walk in to school was probably away c. 17 minutes assuming no chatting). I told her that her actions were unacceptable and she was very apologetic saying it was the first time and I think she was about to start saying that he is difficult on the way into school but I interrupted and said we have all had to manage difficult fractious toddlers on the school run but that leaving a child alone in a car is unacceptable and dangerous.

So, my questions are, what should I have done in that moment when I saw the child in the car, and do I do anything about it now? I appreciate that we all have difficult days, and that we all make poor choices on occasion (I am the first to admit I have made poor parenting choices).

Any thought are welcome.

OP posts:
SofaKing · 19/11/2013 09:53

Horrified too nosey. Leaving a two year old in a car alone is neglect, he was in there for over fifteen minutes.

Why the hell she didn't wake him up and take him with her? Yes, she would have woken him up, but he wouldn't have been at risk of abduction or being injured trying to escape from his car seat, it would be very easy for him to have strangled himself in the straps before his mother returned.

A poster last year was totally lambasted for leaving her tot asleep in the car in her gated driveway while she and her dh had a quickie, he was in the car for a similar length of time to the child in the op. Why was she to blame but the mother in the op isn't?

OP, thank you for saying something to her, hopefully it will make her realise what a stupid risk she took with her child's life and she won't neglect him again.

VikingLady · 19/11/2013 09:55

Heatstroke isn't the only risk! The toddler could throw up, particularly if he woke up crying and panicked about being alone?

Abra1d · 19/11/2013 09:57

Leaving a two-year-old in a car alone is not necessarily neglect. The hyperbole about risk on MN is sometimes quite remarkable.

hyenafunk · 19/11/2013 09:57

If the car was child locked and the toddler was unable to unclip the carseat then I guess he couldn't have climbed out and into the road BUT that may not have been the case.

There's a very slim chance the child could have been abducted or the car stolen with the child in it (which has happened before).

But overall I'd just be concerned for how frightened the toddler must have been. At that age they will think they have been abandoned and won't realise mummy is coming back. Imagine being that small and having your mummy leave you sat in the car alone and watch her walk away. That's like the end of the world to a toddler, poor thing must have been terrified hence crying himself to sleep Sad.

It sounds like you shocked the mum though and it was a one off which she won't be repeating, lets hope at least. I don't like how you worded it though, you sounded very patronising and harsh. It would have been kinder to voice your concerns for how upset he was. I'm sure she felt guilty. She may have been at the end of her tether after a long day with a stroppy toddler and just sort of stormed off not thinking. I've felt like leaving mine in the supermarket many times Grin.

sharesinNivea · 19/11/2013 09:58

Good on you.

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 19/11/2013 09:59

she was very apologetic saying it was the first time and I think she was about to start saying that he is difficult on the way into school but I interrupted and said we have all had to manage difficult fractious toddlers on the school run but that leaving a child alone in a car is unacceptable and dangerous

What part of this makes you feel good about yourself?

You have no idea what she was about to say - you didn't bother to listen.

I hope you are a wind up merchant and this didn't actually happen, if it did, you owe her a sincere apology.

Aussiemum78 · 19/11/2013 09:59

I would wait 2 minutes then call police while breaking a window....

But I live in a hot climate where kids die in hot cars.

Bluecarrot · 19/11/2013 10:00

Wasn't there a thread the other day on here about someone calling the police because a kid was left in a car for 20 mins? The OP was congratulated whole-heartedly. ( may have been on mse forum)

I'm not saying that yelling at the woman was right but police and social services would have been even more scary to a fragile woman. No?

bonkersLFDT20 · 19/11/2013 10:01

I think I would have simply stayed near by the car to keep an eye on the child, but discreetly.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 19/11/2013 10:03

Peppi
I have also had a car outside my house catch fire and then explode.
And know of several cars that have been driven into when safely parked.
It might not be quite as risky but it is still dangerous. 17 minutes is too long.

Daykin · 19/11/2013 10:03

I've left sleeping children in cars plenty of times, although not for more than a few minutes (on the drive, petrol station, 20yds from school gate). I don't think it's something I would feel inclined to tell someone off about even if they were further away than I would go or for a longer time. There are plenty of things that other people do with there kids that I wouldn't do but I don't think being in a car alone is neglectful really and is a judgement to be made by the parent.

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/11/2013 10:04

oh dear, I have done this with small DC when dropping my older child into school. I would not have been impressed if someone had 'spoken' to me about it. I used my judgement and decided that it was safe, so yes YABU and actually very rude

JudyJudgypants · 19/11/2013 10:06

Those that think the "risk" is minimal should google "stolen car with sleeping children inside"
Cars get stolen ( and yes I know the child in this case was crying but presumably had been left asleep)

MrsJohnHarrison · 19/11/2013 10:06

Maybe the OP was a bit rude, but I've seen a parked car, with child but no adult hit by another car. Luckily, it was at a low speed and no injuries. At a higher speed...
You never know what will happen.

hettienne · 19/11/2013 10:08

Leaving a child in a car for 15 minutes isn't necessarily dangerous or neglectful - it's one of those things where you have to accept that people parent in different ways, not everyone will do things your way/the "best" way.

hettienne · 19/11/2013 10:09

Cars are more likely to be hit when driving than parked - maybe all parents who drive their children to school are risk taking and neglectful?

PatriciaHolm · 19/11/2013 10:10

first post,OP? interesting topic to pick.

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/11/2013 10:12

and if you were really bothered about the child you could have done as someone up thread said and say 'oh I saw your DC was crying, so I thought I'd wait until you got back'. That would be enough to make the mother think about leaving her child again without being 'told off'. And it's very PA btw to say 'yes it's difficult, but we all have our crosses to bear'. Did you do a head tilt too?

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/11/2013 10:13

ah, first post is it?

SleepyFish · 19/11/2013 10:14

My car was written off after someone crashed onto it parked outside my house. Stuff like that does happen. I had a huge row with a relative of mine last week for leaving his 1 yr old in the car whilst he went to a doctor's appointment, well out of sight of the car. Stupid, neglectful and unnecessary. Leaving a child whilst you pay for petrol etc is completely different to leaving a child out of sight for 15mins+.

Tanith · 19/11/2013 10:15

I find more frightening. Had there been a child in this car, he or she would have been dead before anyone noticed, let alone responded.

Thebody is right: if this woman had been a childminder, you'd have been falling over yourselves with your "Report the bitch to OFSTED" advice.

GhostsInSnow · 19/11/2013 10:17

You say she arrived 'after about ten minutes', so you are only guessing then?

SkullyAndBones · 19/11/2013 10:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

knowledgeispowerr · 19/11/2013 10:20

To everyone that would leave their child in the car, would you leave your child at home'safely' strapped in while you walked down the road to the shops? I can't see how it's much different both are just as neglectful.

Original poster
crackerjax · 19/11/2013 10:20

Not a first post, a namechanger since this happened around school and I did not want to out myself.

My credentials are 'naice ham' 'penis beaker' 'pom-bears' 'lemon drizzle cake'.

I also know troll hunting is not allowed.

If I see the mum later I will apologise if my tone was not correct. I wasn't as abrupt as my OP may have indicated. I was asking here what would have been the best course of action. I still think it would have been wrong to walk away from it. Perhaps the video I attached was not wholly relevant but I had in my mind that people in that video walk past, assuming all is OK / will be OK.

I really am going now though.

OP posts: