To Not Know What To Do About Child Left In Car

[crackerjax]

I came out of DCs school this morning and noticed a child was in a parked car on his own. He was about 2 yrs old and crying. I asked a couple of mums if they knew whose car it was with no success. I didn't have a phone with me but was thinking that if after 15 minutes the mum had not returned that I'd have to ask to borrow someone's phone to ring 999 or 101.

As I waited I noted the registration number and the child stopped crying. I think perhaps he may have been asleep when left and the crying I saw was the post-sleep cry that youngsters do. The mum arrived after about 10 minutes (so with the walk in to school was probably away c. 17 minutes assuming no chatting). I told her that her actions were unacceptable and she was very apologetic saying it was the first time and I think she was about to start saying that he is difficult on the way into school but I interrupted and said we have all had to manage difficult fractious toddlers on the school run but that leaving a child alone in a car is unacceptable and dangerous.

So, my questions are, what should I have done in that moment when I saw the child in the car, and do I do anything about it now? I appreciate that we all have difficult days, and that we all make poor choices on occasion (I am the first to admit I have made poor parenting choices).

Any thought are welcome.

I feel I should add (though I don't know why) that I think the op could have handled it much better
I still think the mum was wrong to leave them out of sight in the car
for that long

I reckon that child was left too long if it was 17mins or there abouts, if the poster was getting worried then she was going with her intuition and the child was being neglected. I was once looked in a car at the age of eight in a side road in North London for three hours while my parents attended a funeral. I can still recall those three hours like yesterday because I reckoned I had felt some trauma at being locked in a car. I feel sorry for that toddler .

Well I wouldn't get my hair done or go for coffee, but running the other kid into school while toddler sleeps strapped into car seat in locked car doesn't really seem to warrant a telling off from bizarre woman in the street.

Crypes three hours is a teeny tiny bit different to 17 minutes. Just a smidgen.

It wasn't really just running into the school with the other kid though - it was a good 10 mins minimum, with the car and toddler well out of sight.

I think you did the right thing OP. I would never leave a small child locked in a car for that long and the poor thing was crying so was obviously upset.

I am surprised at how many people think that this is acceptable. I also can't help but wonder if half the people that are saying it is ok are the same people who are first to blame the parents when little kids do go missing.

I think that's a long time to leave a small child in a car.
But then I am always surprised at the confidence some ppl seem to have when leaving their DCs unattended.
I would have worried he could get out or just that he was so distressed tbh.
I think it was a reasonable thing to mention to the mum that you thought it was not a good idea.
But perhaps you were a bit harsh in your delivery.

But that's what I'm saying SirChenjin. The same mothers leave their sleeping babies/toddlers in the car while on the other side of the building on the playground waiting for their P1 children to be let out. It can be at least 15 minutes, sometimes more.

And more than one mum I know does this. And, as I said, I would do it if I had a car and another child.

My P1 child takes the bus home. I assume you all think that's horrible as well? Even though there is an adult on the bus with them, it's a bus run by the city, although just for his school.

I don't think you were wrong to speak to her, but I think your approach was massively off.

Why did you interrupt her when she was answering you? That suggests you were only interested in telling her off, not in engaging with her. She might well have been about to say something that would have let you go away thinking "Great. That's a one-off and won't happen again."

She could have been about to tell you that she has some mobility issue, but will be getting help from tomorrow, or that someone has just died, and she couldn't face the struggle with a toddler on this one occasion.

But you cut her off, and now you have no idea if there is a possible problem, or if everything is fine. Not much point interfering with something you think is wrong if you're not willing to engage with the other party and see if there really is something to be concerned about.

I think you better learn to mind your own tbh.
Round here you'd get flattened for that.
You'd be the one waking up and crying in an ambulance, no joking.

It's the feeling if abandonment that little child might of felt, that's what I was getting at really, not the likelihood the car would of blown up .

A bit surprised that so many posters think that OP's actions were misjudged. Children should not be left in the car, unattended. A lot of things might happen. The car might be stolen, The child might be abducted, another car may have swerved and hit the car parked with the child inside. These are obviously worst case scenarios.
Child was clearly distressed and crying, I just find it unforgivable.

I think you were right to tell her off, leaving her child like that is unacceptable and potentially dangerous. It can be very frightening for a toddler to be left alone and if any passerby with negative intentions did decide to take advantage of the situation and grab him (if you weren't there), there is no way that a toddler would be able to protect themselves.

If parents are going to behave stupidly they should expect to be treated as such. There's no excuse for it.

Of course on mumsnet, you'll be lectured by people who will tell you that nobody is ever going to abduct their abandoned, helpless baby/toddler as there are so few people who would do that in real life and what are the chances? It doesn't matter if it does happen anyway as it'll be the abductors fault, the neglectful parent won't be in any way responsible...No car is ever going to crash into their parked one but if one does, who cares if there's nobody in the car to soothe the child? It doesn't matter if their child is scared and cries, it's only a child, mommy is the only one who's feelings matter.... Ugh...

Nope - no way would I have left any of the DCs as babies/toddlers in a car for 15-20 minutes on their own out of sight. This particular toddler was crying, so it would appear that he/she didn't feel very happy about it either. Rospa recommend that you don't leave children alone in the car - so whilst I've happily ignored that for very short periods of time, 15 mins isn't short imo.

I think you were right. You had the child's best interest at heart, unlike the mum

OR THERE MIGHT BE A BEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

::flails and shouts::

• ignored that when I could see the car

I doubt very much the child was left in the car alone for 17 minutes, especially as the OP was home and posting by 9:21. OK, she might live next door to the school, but I doubt it.

If I had left my younger DC in the car whilst I had taken the other one in! and someone had thought it was fit to tell me off I wouldn't have been polite, tbh.

"You had the child's best interest at heart, unlike the mum..."

I doubt very much the child was left in the car alone for 17 minutes

I don't - if your school starts at 8.45am like ours does it's perfectly possible to be home by 9am. Anyway, it's a moot point - the OP has said the kid was in the car for that time, she was there and none of us were.

A distressed child alone in the car is not anybody's idea of an outstanding parenting moment. However, we all slip up sometimes, and without any idea of what other things are going on in this woman's life, I'd be a person in a glass house throwing stones if I lectured her.

OP - thank you for caring about a child left in a car. You did the right thing to stay nearby.

Children are not safe left alone in car. When I lived abroad, it was actually illegal to do so. I hated it, but as a policeman there explained to me:

• Something may happen to YOU when you are out of the car and make you unable to return to the vehicle as quickly as you thought you would.

• Your car may be stolen.

• Your car may be involved in an accident.

• Your child may get distressed and try to find you (older kids).

• Someone may take your child away.

Honestly, 17 minutes (and the OP says he stopped crying at some point) isn't that long. I probably, personally, wouldn't leave DS in the car if I couldn't see it. But it probably is much safer to leave him in the car then try and wrestle a school age child plus bags and an uncooperative toddler across roads and into a busy playground and back.

It's a wonder people don't choke on their own sanctimony at times.

Massive X post with BazilGin. Apologies.

It was not terribly sensible to leave the child in the car.
You did the right thing in pointing it out.
Mum accepted it was a bit of a bad idea.
The world can move on now.