to think that this article is just another way to sneer at sahms? Motherism?

[usuallyright]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/18/sorry-but-being-a-mother-is-not-the-most-important-job-in-the-world

Whilst I agree with some of it, I don't like the sneery tone. There are many similar articles around at the moment about Mothers who choose to stay at home.
Imagine if someone wrote a similar article about working Mothers.
It's just another excuse to pour scorn on Mothers and their choices, which are often complex decisions, not a knee jerk decision to be a martyr..

Agree with mumofyuck, op you sound very angry and taking this article very personally.

potato - I'm signed off on the Sick due to having complications in my pregnancy I have been off for 12 weeks so far and have another 4 weeks to go as a bare minimum. So desperate to get back to work but I can't see it happening. Mumsnet is the only thing keeping me sane!

Uri is dead right. In RL I've only ever heard 'being a mother is the most important job in the world' from

a) men who clearly don't think that, who think all women should think that and be happy to stay at home in order that they can get on with the really most important job in the world which just happens to be their shitty mid-management role, usually in the financial services industry.

b) other women wondering when the woman in front of them is going to hurry up and get up the duff

c) very smug sahm's who are looking to score points off other women who also have chosen to combine earning a salary with their mothering.

So in terms of ^^ I do think the writer has a point. I have never heard a happy, 'normal' sahm whom I'd be happy to count as a friend using that term, tbh.

I've been a WOHM, a SAHM and now work from home. In all honesty, I found my time as a SAHM the hardest. I suppose it didn't help that I did a MA at the same time though.

I do think that the whole "mums are special" jazz is suspect . Not because it isn't fucking hard at times but because it is, and we've evolved as a society enough to expect both men and women to do paid work but not enough to expect men and women to do the shitwork at home. But instead we get told we're "amazing" and "special". Well, sorry but this reminds me of nothing so much as being in an entry-level position at work and being told how fantastic I was at that job and somehow that being a reason not to promote me, while a male colleague was given lots of opportunities to move on. It's a crap consolation prize and we shouldn't allow ourselves to be bought off so easily...

Actually, I have a pretty good friend who I spent a lot of time with when we were both SAHMs - she has a DS the same age as mine. I went back to work, she didn't. She says things like 'Best job in the world' a LOT. I sometimes suspect (from context of lots of other things she says) that she does this in order to reassure herself that she is doing the Right Thing by staying at home.

It does mean I have to physically refrain from posting articles like this to FB where I know she'd see it, but I don't mind much because I care about my friend more than broadcasting my viewpoint on this occasion.

These threads always go the same way. Always.

There are 100 posts saying that being a SAHM is the most difficult job in the world, that it's 24/7, that people judge SAHMs and thinks it an easy life when it actually is bloody hard

Then there are 100 posts saying that being a WOHP is much harder because you have to do everything that a SAHP does and still go to work and actually being at home with small children is a breeze.

There are another 100 posts saying "ooh you sound a bit defensive are you not happy with your choice to go to work/stay at home?" Or "ooh well done of us would ^love to stay at home but I have to put a roof over our heads/ I would love to go to work but I can't afford childcare/DH works shifts/I think it's wrong to use childcare.

And every single time I read them I think if people just stopped worrying about what everyone else was doing, and stopped thinking in order for their choice to be right, someone else's has to be wrong, then these threads wouldn't exist.

Because it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you

Describing what a SAHM does as drudgery is sneery and unpleasant. Mumofyuk's point comment that she feels that way about it is her opinion and of course she can feel like that, I'm sure many people do. However I don't feel it is ok to state, as the article does, that what sahm's do is 'endure drudgery' as using similarly emotive language to describe working mums would not be seen as acceptable. It is just another pointless article implying there is a 'better' way to be a mother and that one choice is more valid than others.

TBF, tantrums, one or two of us have also said that it's how you feel about your own choice that matters.

You are bang on about the thread profiling though

I used to be a teacher, I am now and have been for 7 years a SAHM. It is a piece of piss compared to teaching, it really is.

I found this article to be completely pointless. There is no substance to it and seems to me the author hasn't actually got very much of an idea of what to write about!

It's journalism, and therefore it's about selling a story. And a basic principle is that if you can dress up a point of view to sound controversial, or emotive, you are likely to engage with a wider audience than if you don't. The response on here exemplifies that: the article is being talked about= Result for the writer.

Fwiw I think the article raises some valid points, as has been stated here already. Motherhood is not a job, it's a role and a hugely important one, as is fatherhood. I also agree that the deification of motherhood marginalises fathers, and that's not good for anyone, least of all children.

But that's as far as any value in the article goes for me. The whole issue of SAHM / WOHM just seems like a cheap attempt to link the premise of the article to a totally different issue.

Some children have mums and dads who both work outside the home, some have one parent who works, some have neither parents who works. These facts in themselves tell us nothing about the quality of parenting or the relationship between child and parent.

PartPixie

I totally agree and was going to write similar, then saw your post.
I have never found it drudgery neither, but I know it could have been if I hadn't decided to do lots of other things as well.
I think its ok to think of it what you like, I object when its written as fact rather than opinion.
Because this says its like this per se and we should all feel the same, fact.

I met someone once who said if you do it right, then being a SAHP is the hardest job. I can see that.

Also, it's a really immature, simplistic view that if someone enjoys one way of life, then that must automatically mean they dont enjoy other ways.

I have been at home during two maternity leaves and also I only worked 3 days a week until my children started school. I never found it drudgery either. Sure, it can be repetitive at times, and I'm sure it could potentially be isolating if you aren't involving yourself in various things, but I never found it boring, I found my children great company especially as they got a little older. I also took on a greater share of domestic duties then, which totally made sense as I was the one who was home more. That doesn't mean it all has to be drudgery though... And besides, you still need to cook, clean and do the laundry whether you work or not.

I was perfectly happy at home, but for me, combining it with work was great. It certainly doesn't mean that to enjoy one thing, you have to hate something else.

Also, it's a really immature, simplistic view that if someone enjoys one way of life, then that must automatically mean they dont enjoy other ways.

I have been at home during two maternity leaves and also I only worked 3 days a week until my children started school. I never found it drudgery either. Sure, it can be repetitive at times, and I'm sure it could potentially be isolating if you aren't involving yourself in various things, but I never found it boring, I found my children great company especially as they got a little older. I also took on a greater share of domestic duties then, which totally made sense as I was the one who was home more. That doesn't mean it all has to be drudgery though... And besides, you still need to cook, clean and do the laundry whether you work or not.

I was perfectly happy at home, but for me, combining it with work was great. It certainly doesn't mean that to enjoy one thing, you have to hate something else.

Oops!

Having seen this Ash Beckham Ted talk recently I have also taken 'there's no hierarchy of hard' as my watchword. There is no hardest job in the world, there are just hard jobs. A sahp's hard is in no way lesser or greater than my hard. They're both hard.

I met someone once who said if you do it right, then being a SAHP is the hardest job. I can see that

I'm so glad I'm doing it wrong then

splitheadgirl none of it is hard though really, it is sometimes monotonous, tiring, frustrating but not hard.
Really you do the house work the same as always but let a small child help, you play, bake go for walks and read stories. It isn't hard.

Having seen this Ash Beckham Ted talk recently I have also taken 'there's no hierarchy of hard' as my watchword. There is no hardest job in the world, there are just hard jobs. A sahp's hard is in no way lesser or greater than my hard. They're both hard

I agree.
And I also agree with Janey, it's controversial for a reason, ie. journalism marketed to create a certain response.
It's just a shame that, even in the Guardian (which is surely a better written rag than the DM?) the only way a writer can solidify her argument is by being unpleasant.

"I would say working mothers/fathers have the 'hardest job in the world' as they have to play exactly the same role as the SAHP but also find the time and energy to carry out their job."

Really? Exactly the same? Erm... no. Because it's not full-time parenting. Someone else is parenting for you while you work.

wombles

I read that comment too and wondered how some people manage to be in two places at the same time

Of course it isn't exactly the same.

No wombles, no one else is parenting for you. Parenting is a special role which mum and dad do. I paid for my children to be looked after, fed, played with, and also for various activities with other children to take place, while I worked. I did not pay for them to be parented, because that's mine and dh's role.

Neither (sadly!) did the laundry get done or the dinner prepped while they were at nursery!! These things had to be done after work!