to think that this article is just another way to sneer at sahms? Motherism?

[usuallyright]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/18/sorry-but-being-a-mother-is-not-the-most-important-job-in-the-world

Whilst I agree with some of it, I don't like the sneery tone. There are many similar articles around at the moment about Mothers who choose to stay at home.
Imagine if someone wrote a similar article about working Mothers.
It's just another excuse to pour scorn on Mothers and their choices, which are often complex decisions, not a knee jerk decision to be a martyr..

I agree with many points raised - the marginalising of fathers for a start and the fact that people seem to use the whole 'hardest job in the world' as a catch-all for stay at home parenting whereas actually many stay-at-home parents think they are lucky as anything to be able to spend more time with their kids. Using a superlative about anything implies that all other options are lesser, and for that reason alone I think that the phrase should be dropped from use to avoid diminishing the alternatives.

I wonder if people who seek validation don't necessarily seek it from others, but they need to feel validated within themselves? I have absolutely nothing against SAHP but I don't think I could be one myself as I'd feel like I'd sacrificed myself as a person to instead be someone who stays at home to look after a baby - does that makes sense? I'm certainly not saying it is right to feel like that, or that it is indeed what happens, but it would still be how I'd feel. I'd feel like I'd given up on myself.

The way I read it was not that she was criticising mothers, but the line 'being a mother is the most important job in the world'. I thought she was actually writing it from the point of view of mothers.

I don't like the line either because:

a) it's comparing apples with a million other fruits - you obviously can't compare or rank the importance of every adult role in life - whether paid work or not - they can be equally important for lots of different reasons;

b) it sounds patronising - as if calling it 'the most important job in the world' makes up for the discrimination that women have always suffered as a result of being the only sex that can bear children;

and c) if you choose to take it seriously it does alienate fathers in particular and other relationships that children have eg grandparents.

I think people that make those type of articles are jealous, plain and simple. Subconscious maybe, but even so, they fear deep down that they are making the wrong choice and so resent those who are doing the opposite. They want all to do as they do then they won't have to worry.

It is a bit patronising though when you do something and you get other people and even (or mostly) other mothers telling you what terms they deem acceptable to describe what you do. Why should they care?

I also hate the 'drudgery' comment. That is certainly not how I see being a mother. The article is correct in its statement that being a mother is not a job however it is wrong in its implication that it is not as important or time consuming as certain jobs. The article misses the point that being a mother is much bigger than a job, it isn't what you do, it's a part of who you are. To me it is the most important part.

All this article does is to down play the role of mothers and leads to debate about who has it harder. It is a pointless debate. You can't say that a working mum or a SAHM has a harder life. It is utterly dependent on individual circumstances and to say otherwise is just making sweeping generalisations that are not helpful to any mother.

I also think it is wrong to not see that there is a difference between being a mother and other relationships that the child has. To a baby their mother is the most important person and that should be supported and celebrated. However, so should all other relationships the child has. Everybody who has a role in raising a child should be supported and encouraged. Everybody should do what is best for there own family and should be supported and encouraged to do so and not be drawn into feeling that the choice is less important. To me doing what is best for your family is the most important job, however you do that.

It reads like she wrote that when she was angry, actually. It feels a bit raw. Having said that, I am in heartfelt agreement with much of it.

I was a SAHM for two years before becoming a WOHM btw.

Actually, upon reflection, she is being a bit unreasonable. Here's my reworking of her article:

Being a mum may be the most important job in the world to you, but it is not for me. Both positions are valid. Having said that, I would appreciate it if you would stop issuing sweeping statements that your position is the correct one. Ta.

What do you reckon?

Writerwannabe

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying how you feel. I really can't understand how you feel the way you do because I feel so differently.
I think there is only a problem when people think that everybody should feel as they do and if they don't, they are wrong.
Your feelings are valid to you and they should be to others.

To a baby their mother is the most important person and that should be supported and celebrated

Absolutely.
This is often the elephant in the room.
Of course Fathers are vitally important and I bet 99% of Dads would agree that being a Dad is of far greater importance to them than their paid day job, but babies do form a different bond with their Mother; it's biology, not sexism: we get pregnant, we give birth, we breastfeed, we take a years maternity leave. There are exceptions, in cases of adoption, surrogacy etc..but even then, there's usually a primary carer who does more of the 1-1 care.
It's a sneery article, taking a cheap shot at sahm's, whatever else it might pretend to be.

Its only sneering at sahms who say their's is the most important job in the world. I don't feel its sneering at sahms who are just getting on with their own business.

its general sneering; the comments she makes about drudgery and being 'hobbled' arn't about the deification of Mothers, they're just cheap shots at those who choose to be sahm's.

potatoprints - you are far too reasonable a woman to be part of AIBU I'm 100% with you though, everyone has their own feelings and opinions which are completely valid to the individual making them. Problems only arise when people refuse to listen to and consider other people's views. The world just isn't as black and white as one person being right and another person being wrong

Yes not liking the "being hobbled"

it's possible to get your point of view across without making cheap, judgemental swipes at others, like the writer does in this article.

Sorry usuallyright, but I just don't agree with your interpretation. IMO a large part of being a parent IS drudgery.

Mind you, childless people have to cook/clean/iron as well. I suppose they generally have fewer clothes to wash and mess to tidy though, as a result of having fewer people dependent on them and living in the same house.

Anyway, that is a digression. You sound very angry, op. Is it possible that you're a bit sensitive on this point?

But I guess she feels when people say, 'being a mother is the most important job in the world' she feels that THAT is a cheap judgemental swipe.

NB I found the article dull and with nothing new in it.

Couldn't be arsed to read it beyond the word "delegitimises"

I've never heard a woman describe herself as having the most important job in the world.

Its trotted out fairly frequently by obsequious men when they meet me and ask what I do, when I unashamedly, without the Princess Di downcast eyes, tell them I'm caring for my children.

"Ooh, yes, the most important job in the world" they bleat while checking out whether my boobs are sufficient enough to have breastfed.

I think being a 'good enough' parent is the most tricky, sometimes difficult, sometimes heartbreaking, generally fantastic role any human can achieve.

it doesn't matter if you are a sahm or dad or work full time.

the kids are always there and always the priority.

I agree with the sentiment but not with the way it was delivered. I think that it just fuels the SAHM/WOHM debate but the debate is not about being a mother, it's about being a PARENT. and being a GOOD parent. There are some really godawful mothers in this world just as there are godawful fathers.

No amount of staying at home or going to work is going to make a shit parent a good parent.

Motherhood, fatherhood, parenthood - it's all really important for our children but if you're shit at it then none of these terms can magic you into an amazing super person who is doing the hardest and bestest job ever,

yes MumofYuck, I'm dead angry. Whenever I disagree with someone else, it's usually cos I'm dead angry.
Sheesh, could you be any more patronising?

writer

Shouldn't you be at work now?

I think it is really bad when some people try to invalidate others views, beliefs and choices.
It is silly as well because quite often if we all started doing what others were doing or thought right then our families could suffer as it isn't the right choice for them.
Now, off to work you go
Trying not to be too reasonable.

have just wasted two minutes looking back through my posts on this thread to see where I've been very angry
Confused.

Not trying to be patronising - I was hoping for a slightly calmer conversation about WHY exactly this pisses you off so much.

But that seems unlikely, so off I trot. Continue to work yourself up into a lather over the nasty, NASTY woman.

And I often disagree with people simply because my opinions do not match theirs. This does not always drive me into a fury as it seems to have done for you.

You seem to be dwelling on her rudeness rather than intelligently discussing it. That's why I ASKED if you were angry. I didn't tell you you were.