to think that this article is just another way to sneer at sahms? Motherism?

[usuallyright]

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2013/nov/18/sorry-but-being-a-mother-is-not-the-most-important-job-in-the-world

Whilst I agree with some of it, I don't like the sneery tone. There are many similar articles around at the moment about Mothers who choose to stay at home.
Imagine if someone wrote a similar article about working Mothers.
It's just another excuse to pour scorn on Mothers and their choices, which are often complex decisions, not a knee jerk decision to be a martyr..

You're getting paranoid I think! No one as said you're penalised for anything! You're happy as a SAHM. .. Thats really good. Just don't assume that mums who do things differently feel penalised. Believe it or not we are equally as happy as you. And most importantly- our children are too

"Precious times you'll never get back etc" sounds like a dig. It suggests the wp is 'uncaring'. Phrases like 'I don't know how Sahp don't get bored with the monotony and repetition' also sounds like a dig suggesting the Sahp is 'unthinking'.

It's a sensitive subject but if we are secure and happy in our choices these phrases while irksome wont really wound.

Nope not paranoid,methinks you sound paranoid.You're happy with your choices,we know that.

being a mum is not a job. no matter if your a stay at home one or a working one.

lets all just agree that we all rock as mothers.

oh and by the way the only thing I miss out on is sleep lol

Spot on mumofbeautys

But Chunderella for many that 20% is well worth it.

The gov have made it clear they couldn't give a stuff re those that want to be a sahp and can't.Articles like this feed their belief they get to decide what we all do.Sorry I'm fed up with arguing for my own choices let alone for those that can't.

Sick of the whole issue tbh.

Eventually by the time my dd is a mother nobody will enjoy being a sahp.She'll have less choice than me- utter madness.

I wish I knew more about pensions lol I have only just realised I lack utter knowledge in that area.

also its not only stap that struggle with money ! .

then I suppose its our choice what we do so cant blame the government for that.

Or penalised in time.

As others have said if you don't regard the loss of time or money as negs they can't be regarded as penalties.People are happy with their choices,there will be some on both sides who aren't,

Look into pensions mumofbeautys- there is a really scary statistic about the proportion of people who haven't made adquate provision, I can't remember the exact figures but its frightening. What I found really shocking was talking to intelligent friends of mine who had all sorts of misconceptions... Eg they thought that it their husband has a good works pension then they'll automatically 'inherit' that if they outlive him, apparently that's quite a common misconception. There may well be a widows pension but its not going to anywhere near the full amount- maybe a third or half so it's worth investigating that, especially as many private pensions aren't now going to yield what was hoped.

Also look into AVCs- purchasing extra years of pension.

It's a bit of a personal soapbox issue of mine because I've seen friends mess up over it. My personal view is that the state pension won't even exist in future- not that you'd want to rely on such a frugal existence anyway

I don't have a private pension ... I always just worry about money now , probably not the smartest move !

Part of my desire to work is the desire to give my child financial security - something I never had as a child. There really aren't all that many precious times when you are cold, don't have enough to eat or are hiding from the coal man. I have made an active choice to continue to be financially independent - I don't see that as a penalty. Although, even though I am financially independent, I am working round DS so I would still be penalised if I tried to go back into the workforce.

Round my way, that is what is called 'getting it tight at both ends.'

I can understand that Wilson. When I was raised our family was in quite a difficult financial situation and there was a lot of things me and my sister probably missed out on - it was nothing major in hindsight but at the time, when you're a child, it can seem huge. We didn't get to have all the nice things our friends did or go on holidays etc.

I know it may sound superficial but I want to be in a financial position to be able to treat my child which is why I plan to return to work. My sister has two children and the other day she said to me, "All I want in this world is to be able to take my children into a toy shop and be able to tell them they can have whatever toy they want but I know it'll never happen". She was so upset that the children are denied things that aren't even considered luxuries, because she can't afford it. It was actually quite upsetting.

Forgot to add, she works so it isn't just the SAHP's who are 'financially hobbled' by their children. The Childcare costs are pretty hobbling to her.

"It's a job for them because the children they are looking after aren't theirs. I don't think raising your own children is a job, it's parenting."

Is that like some kind of magical transformation of work into joyful leisure time based merely on genetic relatedness to the child? Sounds like something you ought to write up for a journal as it's certainly novel...

Do you also think that people who work in family businesses are not working? What about adoptive parents or grandparents or other carers who are caring for a child in a parental role but aren't directly related to them? Would you say then that parents who work outside the home are not parenting? The idea that something which is work for one person magically becomes not-work for another just because of their level of biological relatedness to another individual seems like it might throw up more problems than it solves, really.

You can analyse what a job is till the cows come home. It boils down to whether you feel having your children is part of you and who you are and what you do. Or a job. For me it's the former. I'm their mum whether I work FT or PT or am on mat leave or out of work completely. The same way for their Dad. He's not babysitting them or doing a job with them. He's their dad. The same with their grandparents and uncle or aunt who all have looked after our DCs at some stage and for various lengths of time.

No matter what anyone says or how logical their argument will be, I will never be able to get my head around the fact that some SAHP's believe that staying home to look after their own child is just as much a job as what a WP has to do in order to earn money to pay the bills and buy food I just don't grasp that way of thinking.

I'm not saying my opinion is right, I'm just saying that's what they are

Well said LCHammer - I can't imagine any relative to a child would view looking after them as being a job. They are just moms, dads, nans, granddads who see the child as a blessing, not as a job to be performed.

Is that like some kind of magical transformation of work into joyful leisure time based merely on genetic relatedness to the child? Sounds like something you ought to write up for a journal as it's certainly novel

There is a huge difference in looking after other people's children because you are paid to do so, and looking after your own. I actively choose to spend time (yes, my leisure time!) with my dd, because I love her and find her good company. I would not generally choose to spend time with other people's children.

I'm not denying that caring for your own children can involve a lot of work. It can, of course, be very hard work, especially when they are very young. But looking after your own children is a labour of love, not a job.

If you don't consider it to be a joyful way of spending your time, then perhaps you are not cut out to be a SAHP after all?

Keep thinking I need to check pensions, I don't have one and know I'm fucked!!!

I will probably be dead by the time official retirement rolls round!

I'd also be very sad if my parents viewed time with their grandchildren as a chore. :(

Phew, good to see quite a few of us feeling the same way.