to think dh is prioritising his kids over ours?

[FigRolls]

Dh has recently reestablished contact with his children due to my encouragement, which is great and they are very happy. However, without any discussion with me he's agreed that he'll visit for tea every Tuesday and have his children every single weekend he's not working (he works shifts) as well as during all annual leave. This means our 6 year old will no longer be able to do the extra curricular activity she adores on Tuesdays as we wouldn't be able to travel there as he'd have the car. It also means a 2.5 mile walk home from school during winter with our toddler also who detests her pushchair. It means no more weekends away as his children have to be home by a certain time on Sundays and cannot be collected til Sat lunchtime. It means no more holidays as dh won't challenge his ex to ensure he can take kids on holiday. It means dd having to give up her only other extra curricular activity on Sat mornings too as he'll have the car to fetch his children. So dd gives up both activities, no longer gets weekends away or days out yet his children get both with their mum and dh accommodates their activities. Also, my sister lives 3 hours away and I cannot drive that far due to health issues. Therefore, dh making this agreement means never being able to travel to see her again. I wholeheartedly believe contact with his children should be a priority but surely our children and life should be given some consideration too? AIBU?

Mmm it would appear they both need to grow up, it would appear they are TTC again. The adults are old enough to make their own mistakes but sadly its the children that end up paying for them.

I wouldnt be making anymore children, while they have a mess to clean up and he has to make up for his absence with his first set of children.

is your daughters things far away could you not take her on the bus or a taxi can he not take you and drop you off or something yanbu he needs to discuss things and arrangements with you although i do think you can work it out so he sees his children at the weekend, it is early days isn't it I am sure it will work out

I just read some of The other threads and my brain has exploded.

your child isnt his child you are taking the piss and sound like a 15 yr old who is stomping her feet to get her own way get the bus it isn't far and grow up

I think the OP has posted before under another name, because i remember a very similar story, womens other half was a firefighter, not living at home, had debts meaning she didnt want him to live with her, im sure he had other kids and was still married.

Is this the same poster who's DP ran and hid from his first children when he saw them at the swimming pool?

oh dear other threads I have just read them sigh

Basgetti, im wondering that myself, i found the thread in question.

oh god i remember both of those threads.

sorry but all i feel sad about is the children in this picture. please god they don't bring another one into this mess.

it wrecks my head how fucking ridiculous people can be.

i'm presuming the op doesn't work and that's what enables them to run two households when they can't even afford the transport they need yet think they can afford another child.

what a car wreck. meanwhile people with terminal cancer are having benefits taken away.

I know Numpty, its what makes you think, maybe an asteroid should just come and finish us all, since apparently as species we have failed miserably.

Ah it all comes clear OP doesn't work and claims benefits a single parent whilst getting maintainance from her daughters dad who also calls this other man dad who doesn't see his own kids.

"So he has not had any contact for years with his older children and now he is giving no thought or consideration to his younger children. What an awful father."

Yep and an awful husband to make these kinds of arrangements that affect his wife without even discussing them with her.

There is not way on earth I would accept being treated this way.

I'd tell him that either we worked out an arrangement that worked for ALL the children, or he'd have to arrange contact with our children too because he wouldn't be living with them any more either.

Join- its not her husband. The dd is not his. They don't live together.

Am I right in thinking the thread title should actually be "AIBU to be annoyed I can't use my boyfriend's car on a Tuesday?"

he doesn't live with them.

and if it's the same as the fireman one he has never lived with them or had any intention of doing so as that would mean contributing financially. he pops in for shags, dinner and a play with the children when he feels like it. OP chose to allow her existing child to call him daddy, make another child with him despite his utter lack of commitment and is now considering bringing another poor mite into the picture whilst still not even being able to support herself or secure any kind of commitment from him and all whilst knowing he'd already abandoned one family.

it is complete and utter madness and totally irresponsible.

frankly OP you need to wake up, grow up and start being a parent.

then you need to look at your qualifications and experience and work out how you go forward and find a way to support the children you already have and provide an example for them and stop getting them twisted up in drama.

you most certainly don't need to be contemplating baby no.3.

this isn't meant to be cruel - it's just the truth and you choose to face it and step up or you choose to piss your children's futures into the wind.

Oh, it's her again, is it?

"AIBU to be annoyed I can't use my boyfriend's car on a Tuesday?"

:o

Yes I'm just piecing the threads together now.
OP- you and your 'DH' are both being very unreasonable and irresponsible. I feel sorry for the children involved. You both need to grow up. It's also people like you that make others think 'what the fuck are we doing working hard, limiting our family to the number of children we can support, while paying hundreds in tax every month so that people like you can take the piss.'

Im not sure if they are the same, but the stories are very similiar.

I take back what I said

OP it seems you are expecting your boyfriend to do the running around for your kids, you would be better standing on your own two feet, get a job and learn to drive so you can provide for and run your kids to their activities instead of waiting around for this man to facilitate your life.

Oh, i do think the OH in question is the same man who hid from his kids at the swimming pool.

My sympathy for the OP has greatly diminished.