Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher has lost DS property

265 replies

conkercon · 15/11/2013 09:44

I need to know if I am right to be furious with a teacher at my ds school?

DS is 16 and for last two weeks has been wearing a small diamond stud to school that belonged to dh back in the day. We (I) found it recently and gave it to DS. I said to DS that he should not wear it because I thought that school policy was gold or silver, but he said that the Head of Year had seen him every day and had not said anything so he assumed that it was okay. Also in two weeks no other teacher (including the Head who he had spoken to for a few minutes) had mentioned it and they are normally pretty hot on uniform issues.

Yesterday DS subject teacher mentioned it and DS said that he thought it was okay because HOY had not said anything. Teacher emailed HOY saying DS had said HOY had said it was okay. HOY went straight to the class and asked him to take it out. No problem with that, but rather than let him keep it in his pocket, bag or whatever she took it and said he would not get it back until Christmas.

I spoke to her yesterday afternoon, apologised for him wearing it and said I would collect it today. She did not sound very happy, telling me it was locked away. I just told her that I would be in first thing this morning to collect it if she could leave it at reception.

She called me at 8.40pm last night to tell me that it has been lost!!!!! Apparently she put it in a sealed envelope and although the envelope is was still sealed the earing was not in it?? That is all I know because her attitude infuriated me even more, she wasn't apologising. I did point out that if she had just let DS keep it then if it had got lost it would have been his responsibility, but as she had chosen to take it then she should have looked after it properly. I asked her to call me back in the morning. I did not want to continue speaking to her as I was so cross I was scared I would say something that I would regret so it was better I calm down.

There are some fantastic teachers at this school who really care about the kids and I have the utmost respect for them. There are some good teachers who teach well, but are rather full of their own self importance and she is one of these. I have little respect for her unfortunately as her behaviour a couple of years ago on a school trip that my other DS went on was less than professional. As it did not affect the safety of the children I have never mentioned it and did not complain, but it made me see her in a totally different light. But I digress.

Am I being unreasonable to think that if you confiscate property then you should at least look after it?

OP posts:
tracypenisbeaker · 15/11/2013 15:20

eofa1 There is no need to be so rude and personal. Calm down.

tracypenisbeaker · 15/11/2013 15:22

Good on you OP for taking the high road and apologising for him going to school wearing it, I hope you get it back as it obviously has sentimental value.

Mia4 · 15/11/2013 15:26

Sadly op that is a good lesson for your ds to learn, it sucks but could be worse. It's q good lesson for the school too because if policy for confiscated goods isn't followed and by law they are liable then it's lucky that inthis case they wwon't need to.pay out. In another one the parent may have wanted it.

Mistakes qnd lessons all around. You never know it may turn up one day however unlikely it's always a possibility. How does your dh feel about his earing being lost?

Original poster
conkercon · 15/11/2013 15:39

Thanks Mia4 and tracy. DH is being VVVU, but it is not like he was ever going to wear it again. Maybe over the weekend it will turn up. Stranger things have happened.

OP posts:
FlankShaftMcWap · 15/11/2013 15:40

See I'm in the camp where I would have supported the staff in enforcing the rules and told DC to own their decision. I have done that in fact with DS1, although he was much younger than OP's DS. I would have done that right up until the second that I found out the teacher had barefaced lied to me.

Then, I would have enjoyed making damned sure that she owned her decision to lie and turn it into a lesson in honesty for DC. I have no problem with following rules and expecting DC to do the same. I am more than willing to support consequences if that is what's necessary and I know that everyone makes mistakes whether they are teachers or not. I'm a que sera kind of lady so the actual loss of the item would be easily resolved for me. However, the instant someone who robustly enforces the rules makes a conscious decision to be dishonest then I'm afraid all bets are off and I'd make her look the arse she behaved like. I do dislike hypocrites.

Thewhingingdefective · 15/11/2013 15:50

Yanbu. He shouldn't have worn it, but if it's confiscated it should be taken care of.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/11/2013 16:12

Blimey, flank, some real venom directed towards the teacher there. Was that really necessary? It's an earring, FGS.

If the earring was so small or insignificant that it took teachers two weeks to notice he was wearing it (perhaps because the were busy, you know, teaching and stuff), maybe OP's son could wear a fake one for now, sure no-one would notice the difference.

Hulababy · 15/11/2013 16:41
  1. You and your DS knew it wasn't part of school rules so he should not have worn it, regardless of getting away with it for a fortnight.
  1. Confiscation if fairly normal at secondary but the period given was too long and goes against general guidance/advise from unions.
  1. Teacher should have followed procedures for where it was plaes, but we all make mistaks and get tied up/busy/forget.
  1. Teacher should have looked after it and not lost it - but again. accidents happen.
  1. Teacher should have apologised for the loss and not tried to minimise it.
  1. However, HT has now said that school will pay for a replacement - not sure what more they can do if it is lost. If its gone they can't return it to you after all, so best they can now do is replace it.
timidgirl · 15/11/2013 16:52

And surely you can't expect a school to replace an item that shouldn't have been in school in the first place??

Legally you can ask for it to be replaced, yes. Even if it wasn't allowed to be there in the first place.

When an item is confiscated by a teacher it becomes their responsibility and they have to deal with the consequences if it gets lost whilst in their care. That includes replacing it if asked to do so. The fact that it wasn't allowed to in school is irrelevant. They would still have to replace it if asked.

Well that's the legal side anyways.

Whether you should ask for it to be replaced is another matter.

timidgirl · 15/11/2013 16:53

Fwiw, I wouldn't ask the school to replace it. I would be in my rights to do so though.

soapboxqueen · 15/11/2013 17:00

The school need to replace it. I think in my first week of teacher training it was pointed out to us that we are not responsible for children's belongings unless we confiscate them. Then we take responsible for them if they are lost or damaged. Items should be returned at the end of the day unless dangerous.

She also does not have the right to refuse to return it to you as the parent.

neverputasockinatoaster · 15/11/2013 17:10

And this is why, whenever I had to enforce the no jewellery rule on the lad dripping with gold I used to send him, still wearing the jewellery, to the office where they put it in the pot with his name on in the drawer so his mum or dad could collect it............ It was a weekly thing... every Monday he would arrive dripping in gold and every Monday he would go to the office and his parents would be informed. Then every Friday they might get aoround to picking it up....
There was NO way I was going to be responsible for the bling - his dad was very scary and I am incapable of keeping track of my own stuff let alone some one else's!

ProphetOfDoom · 15/11/2013 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 15/11/2013 17:23

TBH, if students have something they shouldn't & it gets confiscated, I think that they should accept that it might get lost.

I really don't see why teachers should have to tit about carrying stuff until they can get it to a safe place.

knitknack · 15/11/2013 17:29

If you DO ask for it to be replaced, bear in mind that that's another few textbooks, or instruments or software etc that the school won't be able to spend on EDUCATING the kids...

Roshbegosh · 15/11/2013 17:29

I agree with eofa1 and diddl . Your own fault!

Nessalina · 15/11/2013 17:30

That's not true, it will be a union insurance policy that replaces it, so it will be a random insurance company out of pocket rather than the school.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 15/11/2013 17:40

I think the very least the teacher should do is apologise, she handled it really badly and there is no excuse for lieing about it

knitknack · 15/11/2013 17:42

Only if the teacher is IN a union...

bopoityboo3 · 15/11/2013 17:43

The teacher lost it which isn't great, as she took responsibility for it when she took it of him, but as a head of year (I assume of year 11 as he's 16) she probably has more important issues to deal with then looking for a lost stud that shouldn't have been in school in the first place. If your son's year group is any thing like the year 11's I teach then their HOY is probably dealing with at least one pregnant girl, a number of young carers, children at risk, eating dis- orders, cyber bullying and trying to ensure they all reach their target GCSE grades to name but a few or the things our HOY 11 deals with on top of teaching her own subject lessons across the school from year 7 to 13.

perfectstorm · 15/11/2013 17:46

If you DO ask for it to be replaced, bear in mind that that's another few textbooks, or instruments or software etc that the school won't be able to spend on EDUCATING the kids...

Then perhaps the HOY who was so frantically busy she had time to charge into the classroom instead of telling the teacher actually there to confiscate it, and has since lied about what happened, might want to make up the difference herself?

The OP's son chanced his arm and lost. Fair enough, and hard cheese on the confiscation. I'd have had no sympathy there either. But anyone stupid and irresponsible enough to carry someone else's diamond around a huge building with it tucked into their diary for two weeks is in a weak position. She presumably has a lockable drawer, or purse. Tucking an envelope into a book you carry from room to room?! And how exactly does an item escape from a sealed envelope, anyway? Was it possessed by Houdini?

She chose to take it, she chose to keep it with her, and she chose to be grotesquely cavalier with it. None of that was in the control of the OP's DS.

bopoityboo3 · 15/11/2013 17:52

Sorry just read the bit about her lying to you (had only read about it being in a sealed envelope). Totally nail her for that. HATE Hate hate it when members of staff take the superior route when they are clearly in the wrong just because they are a teacher and won't back down with pupils or parents, makes us all look bad. Our job is to show kids how to function in the real world that includes owning up when we do something wrong or make a mistake.

lymiemum · 15/11/2013 18:07

If the teacher wants a child to follow the rules they should lead by example. They also didn't do what they should and ultimately the teacher is the adult and they took responsibility for the item as soon as they confusu it.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/11/2013 18:13

"and she chose to be grotesquely cavalier with it"

That's a bit of a jump.

Bogeyface · 15/11/2013 18:15

My BF had a brilliant run in with a teacher once. Similar ish situation in that her DD had done something wrong and the DD was being punished, but it all went wrong, the teacher basically forgot about the DD in detention Hmm

When she complained the teacher was very condescending and also lied. In the end my BF pointed out "I dont know what you think gives you the right to speak to me like that, you are my dd's teacher, not mine" :o

Swipe left for the next trending thread