Teacher has lost DS property

[conkercon]

I need to know if I am right to be furious with a teacher at my ds school?

DS is 16 and for last two weeks has been wearing a small diamond stud to school that belonged to dh back in the day. We (I) found it recently and gave it to DS. I said to DS that he should not wear it because I thought that school policy was gold or silver, but he said that the Head of Year had seen him every day and had not said anything so he assumed that it was okay. Also in two weeks no other teacher (including the Head who he had spoken to for a few minutes) had mentioned it and they are normally pretty hot on uniform issues.

Yesterday DS subject teacher mentioned it and DS said that he thought it was okay because HOY had not said anything. Teacher emailed HOY saying DS had said HOY had said it was okay. HOY went straight to the class and asked him to take it out. No problem with that, but rather than let him keep it in his pocket, bag or whatever she took it and said he would not get it back until Christmas.

I spoke to her yesterday afternoon, apologised for him wearing it and said I would collect it today. She did not sound very happy, telling me it was locked away. I just told her that I would be in first thing this morning to collect it if she could leave it at reception.

She called me at 8.40pm last night to tell me that it has been lost!!!!! Apparently she put it in a sealed envelope and although the envelope is was still sealed the earing was not in it?? That is all I know because her attitude infuriated me even more, she wasn't apologising. I did point out that if she had just let DS keep it then if it had got lost it would have been his responsibility, but as she had chosen to take it then she should have looked after it properly. I asked her to call me back in the morning. I did not want to continue speaking to her as I was so cross I was scared I would say something that I would regret so it was better I calm down.

There are some fantastic teachers at this school who really care about the kids and I have the utmost respect for them. There are some good teachers who teach well, but are rather full of their own self importance and she is one of these. I have little respect for her unfortunately as her behaviour a couple of years ago on a school trip that my other DS went on was less than professional. As it did not affect the safety of the children I have never mentioned it and did not complain, but it made me see her in a totally different light. But I digress.

Am I being unreasonable to think that if you confiscate property then you should at least look after it?

She was probably too busy making sure she was following procedures related to things like child protection (a big part of the HOY job) than she was making sure a tiny earring didn't accidentally drop out of an envelope that she hadn't put in the right place because she was undoubtedly dealing with actual serious issues to do with safety, welfare, learning etc. etc. etc.

And you don't think you're being presumptuous in suggesting she "couldn't be arsed"?

Of course she intentionally broke policy Giles. I don't doubt she didn't intend to lose it, but she made the choice not to follow procedures and common sense and lock it up straight away.

Everyone makes mistakes- no-one is refuting that- its how you deal with it that counts.

eofa1 Why are you minimising her liability for the loss of the pupil's property on the basis that she has more important things to do? It's not really a valid reason. You take it upon yourself to confiscate something, then you should find the time to do it properly IMO. If you're going to do it half-assed cos you are so pressed for time, why bother? It is just an earring after all, which by the way is a teeny issue compared to the serious issues you mentioned, such as 'safety, welfare, learning etc. etc. etc.'

Look at the end of the day she took it off him.She should have followed the rules which i suppose are there so things like this dont happen.
Teachers make mistakes but it was the way it was handled.
The ops sonshouldnt have worn the earring to school,nobody is saying otherwise but its the teachers fault its lost.Not anybody elses.

I am not suggesting she could not be arsed, I am putting it forward as an example of one way that it might have happened. One way out of many possible scenarios. Hence why I said 'No one knows why the teacher did not follow procedure' and used the word 'maybe' alongside it.
Your use of the word 'probably' is a lot stronger and therefore suggest much more certainty on your part as to what happened. So how do you actually know?

Everyone makes mistakes- no-one is refuting that- its how you deal with it that counts.

This Teacher has handled it badly IMO.

Extremely frustrating but the school have recognised this by offering to pay for a replacement. I'm not sure what more you could get out of them. Of course she should have been more careful with someone else's property, and no doubt she will be from now on.

If it were my DS, I would be saying "serves you right for wearing it in, in the first place. Perhaps next time, stick to the rules and something like this won't happen".

And surely you can't expect a school to replace an item that shouldn't have been in school in the first place?? I would be FAR too embarrassed for that when my DC was breaking the rules to start with.

I said to DS that he should not wear it because I thought that school policy was gold or silver, but he said that the Head of Year had seen him every day and had not said anything so he assumed that it was okay.

Where in there does it indicate the OP was encouraging her son to break the rules? It reads to me as though OP herself wasn't 100% sure on dress code anyway...and at 16 her son is certainly old enough to take responsibility for such things!

WRT the lost earring, if you take another person's property for any reason and then lose or damage it, you should replace it NQA (the reason you had it is immaterial).

Well, the Head of Year probably has better things to do than to peer at all the kids' earlobes working out if they are gold or silver or whatever. They rely on the kids to adhere to the rules. The DS in question will have known exactly what the policy was... kids that age do.

To me it would have been a welcome lesson learnt for my DC and I would use it as an example of what might happen if you break the rules.

And surely you can't expect a school to replace an item that shouldn't have been in school in the first place?? I would be FAR too embarrassed for that when my DC was breaking the rules to start with.

Of course you can. The fact that something should not be somewhere does not mean that the school losing it doesn't matter. It is still your property, and if someone takes it off you and fails to look after it - they pay for it. The teacher had other options, including following school policy. Failed to do so, ergo school has to pay for the error.

The issue of one lost earring is a trivial one for the OP and her DC. The issue of him wearing it is NOT trivial to the school. It may appear so, but in fact if schools don't enforce seemingly small rules, it gives the impression that all rules are there to be broken. The end result of which is a chaotic environment which is not good for staff or students. The best schools are the ones that enforce all rules consistently.

To me, it doesn't matter... I would feel far more awkward that Heads of Year and teachers were all involved in sorting out something with MY child when they could have been doing their job.... teaching. As I say, I would turn it round and make it a valuable lesson learnt for my DC.. don't break the rules and suck it up. It's your fault.

And I DO know, Stanley, that a HOY in any British state school has a heavy workload. Not saying all of them do their job well, but they do always have a lot to do. Therefore not unreasonable to say that any error is probably due to heavy workload rather than a CBA attitude.

"I used to wonder who exactly those brass necky people were who appear in the local paper looking sad and pointng at their child's shoe/tracksuit bottoms/acrylic nail extensions when school have upset them by enforcing a perfectly clear and reasonable uniform or health and safety policy. NOW I KNOW. Thanks thread"
THIS

"To me, it doesn't matter... I would feel far more awkward that Heads of Year and teachers were all involved in sorting out something with MY child when they could have been doing their job.... teaching. As I say, I would turn it round and make it a valuable lesson learnt for my DC.. don't break the rules and suck it up. It's your fault."
AND THIS

eofa1 'It gives the impression that all rules are there to be broken.'

Erm, didn't you say earlier that you don't 'give a flying f* what the law says?'

So school rules are now more enforceable and have more merit than the actual law.

Riiiight.

Jesus, could you just try and read what was said and comprehend a simple argument. I said in THIS DISCUSSION, in the case of a whiny kid, his whiny mother and a bloody EARRING, I didn't care what the law said: there was a right response, a wrong response, and the OP was going with the wrong response. I didn't say that I didn't give a flying F* about the rules or law in general. To repeat, for the hard of hearing/thinking: I UNDERSTAND the law might be on the OPs side in this case, but it is still wrong, IMO, to push the matter. Does it matter whether rules are kept in a school more than in the matter of whinyearringgate? Yes of course it bloody does.

Personally op I would.let it go but if you do take the money from the head then I would not let you ds have the new replacement earing. He tried his luck, took a risk which risked both confiscation or even himself losing at school and I would let that lesson be a fair one.

The teacher shouldn't have lied qnd she shouldn't have lost but the losing was an accident and if the head has rung, offered an apology and reimbursement then I would let it go.

Anyhoo, OP, I would personally accept the reimbursement and apology, as that is the only way they can possibly put it right, apart from them learning from this and preventing it from happening again of course.

Say it wasn't confiscated goods that they were being blasé about, what about wallets etc. which schools encourage pupils to hand into 'valuables' when there is a gym lesson, for example, as opposed to leaving in a bag in the changing room. They need to be more careful.

On a different note, maybe make sure your son is aware of the school uniform policy (which I'm sure you will), to save himself embarrassment if anything should he be pulled up on it.

Also she was right to confiscate: as a teen I would roll up my skirt as soon as the teacher left and put back on my jewelr. Your ds would have been the same as would any other teen.

Surely it's about using occurences during childhood and beyond as examples of what may happen to your DC when they are out in the big wide world. e.g. Obey the rules and life will be a lot simpler.

My default stance is to respect the teachers, and to err on the side of discipline. Keep your nose clean and this sort of thing won't happen.

I know exactly what the conversation would have been if it had happened to one of my DC and it would go along the lines of "you twonk, what on earth were you doing wearing that in school anyway, now you've lost it... don't come crying to me, you knew the rules, next time listen..."

Goodness, there are a lot of assumptions being made about my DS (and me for that matter). My DS does give a crap, and did not go into Vicky Pollard mode. HOY was not so busy that she immediately went to class when she had received the email to confiscate it having not noticed it for two weeks, hence my admittedly stupid assumption that it was okay.

This stupid assumption on my part was based on Form Tutor not mentioning for two weeks, Head, not mentioning it when he spoke to my son about something, no subject teachers mentioning it. PE teacher not mentioning it (taped they don't have to take them out), none of his subject teachers mentioning. So we stupidly assumed that a small diamond stud was okay. I in no way encouraged him to wear it, but he is careful of his stuff so as it was in his ear I was not worried about him losing it as there was no need for him to take it out, even for PE.

My DS did not cause any drama about it when subject teacher mentioned it. If teacher had said well can you remove it until I check with HOY he would have done so without a problem. Subject teacher sent email straight way instead of just asking DS to remove it. It would then have been DS problem if he had lost it.

While of course I do not believe HOY deliberately lost it and accidents do happen it is her lying and her attitude that has angered me most because yesterday afternoon it was locked away according to her (I got the impression that she was not happy about me collecting it), but today she said she had carried it around with her in her diary and actually told me that it was my word against hers when I queried why she had told me yesterday that it was locked in pastoral. And that is what has really got to me because I know 100 per cent she is lying.

When my DS maths textbook was accidently damaged because a drink spilt in his bag I automatically replaced it despite it being an accident and apologised despite it being an accident and I did not try to blame anyone for it, the school tuck shop who sold him the drink for example.

Anyway thanks for all the comments and information. Going to write to the school apologising for him wearing it, but also pointing out the attitude to the loss. I am not really interested money as I would really just like the earing back. I am not going to castigate my DS too much as we both made an assumption that was ultimately wrong, but we did not deliberately do it, DS did not act like Vicky Pollard, DS is gutted that it is gone and will now wear a cheap Clare's silver stud for the rest of the school year.