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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teacher has lost DS property

265 replies

conkercon · 15/11/2013 09:44

I need to know if I am right to be furious with a teacher at my ds school?

DS is 16 and for last two weeks has been wearing a small diamond stud to school that belonged to dh back in the day. We (I) found it recently and gave it to DS. I said to DS that he should not wear it because I thought that school policy was gold or silver, but he said that the Head of Year had seen him every day and had not said anything so he assumed that it was okay. Also in two weeks no other teacher (including the Head who he had spoken to for a few minutes) had mentioned it and they are normally pretty hot on uniform issues.

Yesterday DS subject teacher mentioned it and DS said that he thought it was okay because HOY had not said anything. Teacher emailed HOY saying DS had said HOY had said it was okay. HOY went straight to the class and asked him to take it out. No problem with that, but rather than let him keep it in his pocket, bag or whatever she took it and said he would not get it back until Christmas.

I spoke to her yesterday afternoon, apologised for him wearing it and said I would collect it today. She did not sound very happy, telling me it was locked away. I just told her that I would be in first thing this morning to collect it if she could leave it at reception.

She called me at 8.40pm last night to tell me that it has been lost!!!!! Apparently she put it in a sealed envelope and although the envelope is was still sealed the earing was not in it?? That is all I know because her attitude infuriated me even more, she wasn't apologising. I did point out that if she had just let DS keep it then if it had got lost it would have been his responsibility, but as she had chosen to take it then she should have looked after it properly. I asked her to call me back in the morning. I did not want to continue speaking to her as I was so cross I was scared I would say something that I would regret so it was better I calm down.

There are some fantastic teachers at this school who really care about the kids and I have the utmost respect for them. There are some good teachers who teach well, but are rather full of their own self importance and she is one of these. I have little respect for her unfortunately as her behaviour a couple of years ago on a school trip that my other DS went on was less than professional. As it did not affect the safety of the children I have never mentioned it and did not complain, but it made me see her in a totally different light. But I digress.

Am I being unreasonable to think that if you confiscate property then you should at least look after it?

OP posts:
MrsBungleScare · 15/11/2013 10:33

Whereas is totally agree that he should never have taken it to school in the first place, I believe that when the teacher confiscated it, she took responsibility for it and lost it.

Fault on both sides but I don't think that excuses the teacher for being careless with someone's possessions. I would complain.

PumpkinPie2013 · 15/11/2013 10:37

Unfortunately your ds shouldn't have been wearing it and you both knew this. You also mention that the school are generally quite strict on these things so someone was bound to notice it eventually.

The problem with telling a pupil to take off jewellry and keep it on them is that they often just put it back in after so the rules are still not followed.

If something is confiscated then yes it should be looked after but I'm sure the teacher didn't intend to loose it - but with it being so tiny I imagine it was likely to go missing whoever had it. This is usually why schools ask that children don't bring in such items as they are likey to be lost/stolen.

I'm not sure what to suggest really - the school probably have a disclaimer saying they don't accept responsibility for such items so will not pay out.

Do you know what it is worth? You could try talking to the head and seeing if the school will pay half towards a replacement but I honestly think the answer will be no.

LatteLady · 15/11/2013 10:38

I think you will find that the school has a disclaimer to cover this situation. Crux of the matter is, I am afraid your son should not have been wearing it and although they may have removed it from him, they will use the disclaimer that they are not responsible for confiscated items which should not have been on school property in the first place.

A hard lesson to learn, but you son will have to suck it up.

ImAlpharius · 15/11/2013 10:40

Why didn't he just take it out when the subject teacher mentioned it? He must of known he'd got away with it by omission before this, why did he try it on when caught out?

WaitMonkey · 15/11/2013 10:48

Have you spoken to the teacher yet ?

Greenkit · 15/11/2013 10:48

"Oh dear. He's 16. Old enough to get married and go off to war. He needs to deal with this, not you. Step back."

Had to pick up on the highlighted bit, sorry. No he cant go off to war, as only over 18yrs can go into active service. Although they can join up at 15 and 7months.

Anyway, YANBU to expect items to be kept safe if taken from children, heowever you probably know he shouldnt have been wearing it.

TheIggorcist · 15/11/2013 10:56

I hate confiscating stuff, I tend to put it in a "safe place" to get it out of sight quickly, then have a few minutes of unadulterated panic while I tried to remember where I put their bloody iPhone. Obviously would be a lot easier if they just didn't bring stuff they're not supposed to, but I would be extremely apologetic if I'd lost something and make every effort to find it.

Original poster
conkercon · 15/11/2013 10:57

LOL at "Why did he try it on". He is 16 so he tried it on, but I don't think he meant to try it on, like I said earlier, foolishly because no one including the head had actually mentioned it, despite seeing it he assumed that as it was a small stud (we are not talking bling here) and they are allowed small gold or silver studs that it was okay. Take this on board, DS and I at fault.

I don't believe however, that once they confiscate something then if they lose it that is okay because they should not have had it anyway. Their policy with phones for example is that the first time they are taken away for the day and given back at the end of school. If it happens again then the parents have to collect it so not sure why this was any different and she said he could not have it back until Christmas.

I really really am hoping they find it. However, if they don't then yes, I would like them to replace it which HOY intimated last night that they would have to do.

And if I could apologise for him wearing it then she could have apologised for losing it. Part of this is her attitude as she really did not seem to care or take on board that we would be upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
conkercon · 15/11/2013 11:00

I have not spoken to the teacher yet. She has not called me, but she is probably teaching. I called the school and asked if there was some sort of policy regarding property as they have one for everything else. They said someone would call me back.

OP posts:
BonkeyMollocks · 15/11/2013 11:01

I agree, mistakes on both sides but what gets me is the 'he can have it back a xmas' . Surely thats not her call to make!
Its yours/his property and its up to her to return it with a warning of it not to be warn again?
Her attitude is crap!

SaucyJack · 15/11/2013 11:02

YANBU. It's not OK to take people's stuff off of them, and then lose it.

The police would not get away with it, and neither should a school.

maddy68 · 15/11/2013 11:03

He wasn't wearing school uniform. It was confiscated. His loss

sashh · 15/11/2013 11:08

did she really need to take it

Yes. Your son had already lied about him being able to wear it, how else could she stop him putting it back in.

She put it in an envelope, which seems reasonable care. Accidents happen and earrings get lost.

You only found it recently so how long was it lost?

noblegiraffe · 15/11/2013 11:09

Crikey, it's not like she deliberately lost it, it was in a sealed envelope!

Teacher was perfectly within her rights to confiscate contraband. That it got lost was an unfortunate accident and these things happen. School should replace it, although I'm not sure how you are going to prove its worth.

Floggingmolly · 15/11/2013 11:14

Well, you could say it was lost as a direct consequence of him wearing it in a place that he knew he shouldn't. He knew the rules, took a shot anyway and lost.

Viviennemary · 15/11/2013 11:15

Of course he shouldn't have been wearing in the first place. But the teacher inisisted he handed it over therefore she became responsible for it. I think it should be replaced by the school in this case. But I don't expect it will be. But you could take it further if you wished by writing to the local authority or governors.

Original poster
conkercon · 15/11/2013 11:16

DS had not lied sashh. He/we assumed and there is a difference. I am now even more furious with said teacher. She has just called me. Yesterday when I spoke to her and said I would collect it this morning she said "it is locked away in pastoral". Categorically she said that to me as I responded along the lines of if I can collect it from reception please in the morning.

She has just told me that she took it, went to pastoral, put it in an envelope, wrote DS name on the front and put the envelope in her diary when school procedure is that it should be left at the front office (just found that out) Walked around with it all day teaching etc etc and as she called me at 8.40pm last night that was when she must have looked for it.

I am now beyond angry because she has lied. The head has said they will pay for a replacement, but that really is not the point. Where I thought it was in one place and might be found it would now seem that it will never be found.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 15/11/2013 11:20

I'd let him learn a lesson from this; you say yourself that because no one actually mentioned it on the first day; rather than take it as just that - it simply hadn't been noticed, he assumed it was an explicit sign that they'd relaxed the rules especially for him.

howmuchwouldyoutake · 15/11/2013 11:25

Furious over an earring?really?

Greenkit · 15/11/2013 11:26

What are the actual rules regarding earings? You mentioned they should be gold or silver but not a diamond

PurpleRayne · 15/11/2013 11:26

Disclaimers are meaningless.

PurpleRayne · 15/11/2013 11:28

As the Head obviously knows. Accept their apology and reimbursement and let your son learn his lesson too.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/11/2013 11:30

So your furious over something that's sat unworn and forgotten about in your house god knows where for years? And your Ds decides To wear it somewhere he knows he shouldn't where it's at risk of being lost anyway due to restrictions and removing for pe. And now your surprised it's got lost. She's a teacher, she's not there to baby sit students stuff when they old enough to follow the rules and ake responsibility for their appearance themselves?

TheIggorcist · 15/11/2013 11:46

I don't have time to go to the office between classes. Then children would be left unattended, and that would be a whole other mumsnet thread!
What was the value incidentally?

peggyundercrackers · 15/11/2013 11:46

the school took the stud and are responsible for it, it they lost it they should replace it.

FWIW i dont think it is lost - i think she is making it up to make you wait for it because she said you arent going to get it back until christmas shes going to make sure you dont get it back, im sure at christmas she will say oh look what i found.

cant believe the amount of people saying because you broke the rules you arent entitled to it back - unbelievable really... maybe they dont know two wrongs dont make a right...

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