Am I being a spoilt brat?

[NancyShrew]

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

Do come back and tell us if when he proposes, op, won't you?

I wouldn't have married someone who'd spend that amount on one ring. It's just not the kind of person I could have anything in common with. My DH is one of the least flashy people I know and it's something I love about him, I loathe flashiness.

My SIL had an 18k ring and her marriage lasted 6 months. It meant nothing.

My ring I reckon was about 500 quid. More than necessary but he chose it himself because he liked it and it is so 'me' he got it spot on. Way more important than price tag.

It seems a lot if money to spend on that specific thing. He's not a big earner so why not put that money towards house deposit or something substantial.

My ring cost about £3500, and I spent about a year with it "catching my eye" and "effing loving it!" Like other posters have said.
Now, 7 years on, it's just ring that I wear that symbolises my love for my husband and our commitment to each other.
Regardless of the cost, the thrill of your shiny sparkler will wear off sooner or later. possibly about the time he pays for the next lap dance

Good luck with that.

I hope that you and the ring he will be very happy together

Get the ring of your dreams if you can & its worth it to you.

I love jewellry & have 2 engagement rings-one with a large fancy stone that dh proposed with & we got made into a ring & an 'everyday' solitaire, (the original couldn't be worn everyday as the stone is soft). Worth £6k & £3k. Yet I am not grabby, a bitch, uncaring of my husband & family etc. I'm very frugal in all other respects-only extravagance is half price wine at the weekends. Different people have different priorities. Don't know why everyone's getting so judgey about it.

Don't worry as long as you are both happy with it. And congratulations :)

What use is an engagement ring that can't actually be worn as the stone is soft? . So you keep it in a glass case to be looked at only and substitute a (relatively) cheaper one for everyday wear?
Madness.

That reminds me of the fake jewellery guys used to give their wives, they'd say it was too expensive to be worn, get a copy made, and sell the real one.

I don't think there's anything with wanting the ring of your dreams, be it £50 or £5000. What rankles with you post is that you and your partner seem to be incredibly superficial - lap dances, bags etc. It doesn't really scream that you love each other but rather that you love each other's wallets and the glamour of being seen to be engaged.

My DH spent two months secretly working with my favourite jeweller (a family friend) designing my ring. Yes, apparently it ended up being pretty expensive, even with him just paying cost price, but when I look at it I don't just see a beautiful ring: I see the fact that my DH remembered me mentioning how much I love emeralds, taking the time to try to make something that was just to my taste, and sneaking out one of my favourite rings for a day to give the designer an idea of my taste and finger size. A few years on it's looking a bit bedraggled and has a tiny stone missing - I couldn't care less, because it really does symbolise my husband's love for me.

To give you a slice of recent experience -

I consulted the wise women of Mumsnet as to an approximate budget for my entirely un-materialistic beloved's engagement ring. I eventually settled on a figure of around £3,500 as suitable. Some posters agreed with this whilst others advised that cost didn't matter a jot and the sentiment behind it was the all important factor.

Although I planned the engagement as a surprise, we did some exploring of various jewellery stores together just to give me "ideas for the future". On our second visit she tried on a ring priced at a third of my budget that couldn't have been further from the traditional solitaire I had envisaged.

She of course fell in love with it and despite my misgivings that I wanted to spend more, I returned to buy it and weeks later proposed. She said Yes! - and I couldn't be happier that I went with what she loved and not an arbitrary monetary figure.

OP why don't you link to the rings or similar? There might be cheaper alternatives that are the same.

5K??

What, really??

OK, OK.... he clearly has money to burn so could afford something fairly lovely, but it might be a better idea to choose something he doesn't have to save up for.

Wow, DH spent £300 on my engagement ring and I thought that was over the top!

One of the most depressing OPs I have read in a while. I don't think I want to live on this planet anymore.

The answer was given to you on the first page, so I haven't read any more...
Sounds like the ring is more important to you than the actual engagement.

We got a engaged without a ring 30 odd years ago (because he/we couldn't afford it). It didn't matter to me (and it sounds sloppy) but I carried his proposal and his words in my heart and a ring didn't matter. It was only an external symbol of status.
We skipped the engagement ring and married with just a cheap 9ct gold thin wedding band.
Fast forward 30 years and I have two rings (engagement & 20 year anniversary); 1.3 and 1.21 carats platinum solitaires plus The earrings , the pendant the bracelet .....
The 1.3 sits on my wedding finger alongside the cheap wedding ring

Not stealth boasting, I'm blatant.
I bloody love diamonds. I am enchanted with them; they're just so beautiful the way they split the light into rainbows. They're works of art that give me pleasure every day. I wear 20K on my fingers day in day out and I'm never scared of the potential to loose them because stones can be replaced. I worry (daily) however about loosing my husband; because I fear that more than anything and it becomes more real the older we get.

I love my husband because of the sort of man he is. A Leopard doesn't change his spots and all the diamonds in the world don't make the wrong man right.
If he was the sort of man that went to a lap dancing club and had a private dance he wouldn't have got anywhere near my finger, never mind my knickers; even if he'd bought the Koo i Nor and stuck it on my finger with a star on top.
He wouldn't be the sort of man that I'd want to talk to; never mind potentially breed with.
The engagement isn't the point. It's the marriage you make.

www.amazon.co.uk/Norahs-Engagement-Vintage-Ring-Emerald/dp/B006H2UF0A/ref=sr_1_45?s=jewelry&ie=UTF8&qid=1384522154&sr=1-45&keywords=engagement+rings

This is very cheap for an engagement ring but very pretty. I would have been very pleased with it.

Mine cost considerably more and I was very pleased with it.

I wasn't asking for opinions on my relationship thanks. We've discussed getting engaged but not the cost of the ring. I know DP has some savings but I have no idea how much, he's told me he is planning to propose in the next 6 months.

I will clarify that I love my DP more than anything in the world, I could go on and on about how much he's changed my life but I shouldn't need to justify my choice of partner! And I will reiterate that if he were poor, I would marry him in a heartbeat with no ring!

Link to ring here:

www.beaverbrooks.co.uk/0000315/Hearts-on-Fire-Transcend-Platinum-Diamond-Ring/p

He told me he is planning to propose. . Why?
It's a question; why give someone 6 months advance warning that you're going to ask them a question?

Unless he's under pressure to spend yet more money setting the scene with marching bands or champagne and violins up the Eiffel Tower or some such crap. It's all outward appearances with you, isn't it? The actual marriage will be such a let down after the fanfare of the engagement and wedding.

If you have discussed getting married, then you're engaged, aren't you? Or have you only discussed the engagement part?

Just seems a bit weird. But I suppose you have to be able to tell your friends about 'the proposal'?

Btw Beaverbrooks are a total rip off. We used an independent jeweller for my eternity ring. It cost us slightly more than one third of what Beaverbrooks would have charged us, and we got better quality diamonds.

You do seem very concerned with all the outward show of this, which doesn't bode well.

Wrong, I don't give a shit about the "outward show", not planning on making a big engagement announcement or anything. We haven't actually agreed to get married but we have discussed, DP wants to propose to me.

I'd show him a picture of the ring you really want and also a couple of similar but cheaper options, say a 1k and 3k version and just leave it to him.