Am I being a spoilt brat?

[NancyShrew]

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

Yanbu. You will wear the ring forever so you had better love it. I look at and admire my engagement ring many times a day. I fucking love it.

My engagement ring is from H.Samuel. I think it cost just over £100.

I don't mind at all. Our wedding rings will probably be cheaper. We will of course, look for ones that will last, just can't afford more tbh.

I think it's lovely if you can afford it. However, I wouldn't tell my DP that we had to wait as the ring isn't 'good enough.'

Perhaps have the cheaper engagement ring, and put money aside for an eternity ring? Could have one for your tenth anniversary maybe?

In a word: yes. Saving for a year for a £5K ring is stark raving bonkers imho. But of course it's up to you and your DP what you do ... personally, I would prefer to put the money down for a house or go on a good holiday (but then other people might say a holiday is an extravagance too I guess). I should say at this point that I fundamentally "don't get" engagement rings, and especially expensive ones. I hate rings anyway and the thought of wearing/losing something worth so much terrifies me.

Better than him spending it on lap dancers. Again.

Ah, you're the lap dance thread lady. Well, everyone has a price and it's nice to know yours is £1500 plus another £5k later. Installments, if you
Like.

DP and I were poor as church mice when we got married. Years later I am a high earner. I love jewellery and I love a bit of bling so I treated myself to a big fuck off diamond ring which is always greatly admired.

Well.

You are marrying someone who goes behind your back to get private dances knowing you are against it. You go out and buy an expensive bag to get him back.

Get a cheap ring, you may not need it for long as he doesn't sound like he respects you.

Mine cost £185 in the H Samuel's sale.

"Don't worry," said the salesman with a conspiratorial wink. "You can tell all your friends it's worth £250."

Wonderful.

Our entire wedding three weeks on Saturday, SQUEEEEEEEEE has cost less than £5k. Who knows, maybe one day we'll not be spending every spare penny on the DCs and I can get a nice eternity ring. If we don't, I won't lose any sleep over it. If DP nearly DH, SQUEEEEEEEEEE had needed to save for a year to buy my ring, I'd have told him not to be silly.

Are you absolutely sure there is nothing equally pretty that you can afford now?

ballinacup Congratulations!

I've got the bags, the ring etc. But these things didnt come until my DH and I were in our 30's and early 40's after we had moved a few times until we got our perfect house, had children, got savings and a decent pension pot. My DH likes spoiling me but there's no asking on my part..OP you do sound very grabby.

I had mine made in Hatton Garden, to my own design. It was lovely. It was only £250, but the point is that's what it was worth, I wasn't paying more than 100% for the jeweller's markup. Mine was a small diamond - if you went there with a budget of, say, £1,500 you would get one hell of a sparkler. And it would be unique :)

... and I should add that going to the jeweller's workshop is a fascinating experience! Better than a swanky retailer, by far. You're surrounded by gold & silver shavings, trays full of loose diamonds: it's magical!

ring of my dreams?

Never in my life have I ever dreamed of a ring.

Wasnt the whole "1 months salary" thing dreamed up by De Beers? I heard that in parts of America that three months salary is the expected amount

Yes it was.

It makes you sound high maintenance. And greedy. While its okay to prefer a certain style, it's odd saying the price range. It's up to him, I'd have been delighted being engaged.

Well to be honest, if you're talking about an extra 6 months to get what you really want, I don't think it's quite as big a deal as some other posters. Based on your previous thread it also gives him an extra 6 months to prove he's not a twat

I love how many people pop up on an engagement ring thread and mention how their first engagement ring was from a packet of hula hoops and they then upgraded to a £2.50 one because it's all so unimportant. It's the man not the money etc.

And of course it's the man not the money BUT context is important. If my DP had rocked up with a cheap engagement ring from Argos I would've been massively insulted. In the context of our lifestyle, preferences & incomes it would have been really quite mean. It would be quite different if we didn't have the money. It also helps that we are on the same page about spending on material goods / luxuries.

In your situation? You have no idea what he thinks is reasonable or whether he would want to surprise you. I presume you are talking about getting engaged (otherwise how do you know he's going to ask ) so I don't see why you can't point in jewellers windows to get a feel for what he's thinking. He might be thinking around that mark already.

It would have been quite different if we didn't have the money
It will take the guy around a year to save for it, Posy. I'd class that as not having the money, actually.
It doesn't sound like he's gearing up to being able to keep her in the style she'd love to become accustomed to at all, really.
Shame.

Saving without cutting back on anything at all and still being able to spend on hobbies and other wants is NOT the same as saving whilst cutting back and going without.

Agree sock

We have savings but DP did save separately to buy my engagement ring because that seemed more sensible than spending a chunk of our rainy day fund the potential encountering said rainy day while trying to replace it.

I have a vey beautiful and expensive ring. Expensive diamonds sparkle in way that cheaper ones just don't. It catches my eye every day and it thrills me very time. If you can afford it, get the one you want-you will never grow tired of it.
The money could have been spent on other things, but by now I'd have forgotten what they were. I second the idea of going to a diamond merchant and getting a good designer to make it for you- you will get double the diamond for your money! I don't think you are a brat, it's probably the last time you can have such an indulgence if you have children so go all out!

If you want this ring, pay for it yourself. Why do you expect him to pay?

If you want to marry this man, talk it over with him. Why are you waiting for a proposal?

I can just imagine the responses if a man had posted that he wanted his girlfriend to give him an expensive present, adding that "she is a generous woman." The howls of outrage would have been heard far and wide.

And yet, this sort of thing is deemed acceptable for women, because women are still socialised to be passive and dependent. Why on earth do so many women accept this sort of thing?

BTW, I have been with my DH for 15 happy years. I certainly did not want an engagement ring because I find the implications unbearably sexist. But if I had wanted one, I would have bought it myself.

I have a beautiful ring that I look at and say wow, because it brings back the happy memories of my DH getting down on one knee and asking me to be his wife.
If he'd have spent 6k on it, I'd have killed him!
An engagement ring is a token of love, not a symbol of wealth.

"get the one you want-you will never grow tired of it"

Do some people really grow tired of their engagement ring?