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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Am I being a spoilt brat?

368 replies

NancyShrew · 13/11/2013 20:17

Engagment is potentially the cards for DP and I Grin and I have spied a couple of potential rings that I might like. These rings are all round about £5k, which I think is a fair bit of money to spend on a ring! DP earns reasonably well, but it would require some savings on his part, probably taking about a year for him to save enough for the ring I want.

I have a feeling that DH wants to get engaged soon, as in the next six months, when presumably I would have to have a cheaper ring. We are still in our twenties so time is on our side. AIBU to want him to wait and save for the ring of my dreams? He's a generous man and I know he wouldn't begrudge spending that much money, think he's just a bit impatient!

OP posts:
fieldfare · 15/11/2013 14:27

We went to Hatton Garden to choose mine. I had an idea of the style I wanted, dh had done research into cut, colour, carat etc and had an idea of his budget. he'd looked online and found the specific jeweller he wanted to visit first.
The ring he'd looked at online was nothing like what I had thought I wanted. We went, I tried the ring on that he had found online, it fit perfectly, I loved it, so we got it. I guess it was about 2 months salary in those terms, and 5 years on I look at it every day and love it. It is my most treasured possesion.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 15/11/2013 14:28

So why do you want to wait until your DP can afford a better ring?

fannyfireworks · 15/11/2013 14:34

That ring is so overpriced! go independent & get recommendations

sadsqueaker · 15/11/2013 14:38

Why not use the interest-free credit the shop offers, then you can have it now?

Bogeyface · 15/11/2013 14:42

I think the OP is getting some harsh words in the last few posts. There is no evidence at all that she wants a Paris Proposal! Or a band, or a big wedding, you are just assuming based on what you want to be true!

OP. I do think that YABU to put off getting engaged in order to have a much more expensive ring than he may be considering buying. When my friend and DH got engaged they were saving every last penny for their house buy (her parents paid for the wedding), so she didnt get an engagement until a year after they married and still hasnt got a wedding ring 15 years later!

Also, it doesnt look good if you say to him "how much is the ring budget?", he says £3k and you say "Well the ring I want is £5k". If that was me I would think "Well do you want to marry me or do you just want a big ring?!"

But, you do need to be happy with the ring you get so I would agree with others who have suggested getting it made bespoke rather than from a high street jewellers, their mark ups are insane. You could well end up with the same ring but nowhere near the same cost.

Bear in mind that he may buy the ring before he proposes too!

Shonajoy · 15/11/2013 14:46

Honestly shop around, beaver brooks are pretty shifty. Check second hand places I've seen a good few of that style in antiques places- do you have a jewellery arcade you could maybe get a real find. And original that wont be more expensive .

Grotbagstwin · 15/11/2013 14:49

Take the picture to an independant shop, my friend picked a ring from Beaverbrooks, it was 3k, took picture to an independant and he made it with a bigger diamond for half the price.

Felyne · 15/11/2013 14:54

"We haven't actually agreed to get married but we have discussed, DP wants to propose to me". Um, that's what an engagement IS. It's when you agree to get married.

havingastress · 15/11/2013 15:00

Hmm. Think my wedding ring was about £450. His proposal was a complete surprise, completely romantic and genuine. I absolutely love my ring because of what it signifies.

Not because I can wave it around my girlfriend's noses and go 'hey look at the size of this baby'

You seem more interested in showing off than what a ring actually means.

So yes, you're a spoilt brat and YABU!

florascotia · 15/11/2013 15:02

I make no comment about your relationship - not my concern.
Nor am I criticising Beaverbrooks - or your chosen ring. Your choice must obviously be your own.

However, as a matter of simple fact the diamonds in the ring you like are very nice but not of the absolutely finest quality.
For an explanation of how diamond grading works, see, for example: www.bluenile.com/uk/diamonds/diamond-education
Similar information is available on many other websites.

I would agree with other posters that getting a ring made or sourced by an independent jeweller or finding an antique/ second-hand is ring is much, much better value. Here is one just antique jewellery dealer who has a good reputation - and a c£5k diamond of higher grade than the Beaverbrooks one, and 50% bigger: carolefranks.com/Antique-Rings. There are, of course, dozens of other antique jewellery dealers.

Usually, when buying second hand jewellery, you save 20% VAT, as well:
see: www.moneywise.co.uk/investing/investment-guides/the-dos-and-donts-jewellery-investing That means more 'wow' (if that's what you want) for less money.

havingastress · 15/11/2013 15:03

p.s your ring is a rip off! Go to an independent, buy the diamond separately and have it set. If I had a £5k budget, I certainly would not be buying off the shelf from a crap jewellers. HTH.

Handbagsonnhold · 15/11/2013 15:06

Have a look into getting your ring made just for you ....rather than Beaverbrooks on the high street. If you are investing that kind of money it's really lovely to choose your own stone.

Happy shopping

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/11/2013 15:47

Don't spend £5k on a ring from the high street do your research!

We got all our to rings from Hatton Gardens, and haggled. Have you even looked into what the classification for diamonds are? It's like buying a ring from Tiffanys, you're paying for the name. About £10k so!

Find a diamond you like, then get it set. You need to do your research OP, not just go 'oh but that ones pretty'.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/11/2013 15:56

That ring is almost identical to the one a friend of mine had made by Ingle and Rhode (so lovely that I got mine made by them too). It really is overpriced. I got them to make me a ring similar to one I saw in Tiffany. It was 7k in Tiffany and mine was 4k (same spec diamonds, platinum etc)

SugarHut · 15/11/2013 16:05

Hearts On Fire are shite. Sorry OP. I am well in your corner on this one, and think you should have what you want, but that's a £2.5k ring at best.

Is £2.5k in budget? Because you can pick your diamond and have that exact ring made for that. And maybe get a little inscription inside? Then it's 100% uniquely yours.

GiveMummyTheWhizzer · 15/11/2013 16:10

Yes you are being a spoiled brat.

My DP paid £1.5k for my ring to be specially made whilst we were in India and when we had it valued it was worth £3.3k....we were extremely fortunate.

However, he could have paid £9.99 from Argos and I wouldn't have cared.

GiveMummyTheWhizzer · 15/11/2013 16:13

Stupid pressing before I finish keyboard! Grrr..

However, he could have paid £9.99 from Argos and I wouldn't have cared. Its what the ring signifies that matters to me.

I often sit here and look at my ring and think about all the things we can't afford (like ACTUALLY getting married!) and feel guilty about the price of the ring on my finger - but DP would literally kill me if I even suggested exchanging it for a cheaper one....

CreamyCooler · 15/11/2013 16:16

I wouldn't have been happy with a £9.99 Argos ring.

Wuxiapian · 15/11/2013 16:16

He told you he's planning to propose within 6 months. How very romantic.

If it is going to take him a year to save up for it, he obviously can't afford it.

SweetSkull · 15/11/2013 16:26

I think you should LTB and get a richer man who can aford the ring , or anything else, WHENEVER you WANT.

NewtRipley · 15/11/2013 17:32

Lovely ring. Weird to announce he's going to propose. Weird.

But I think people's perceptions of marriage and weddings vary

MNHQ
AmyMumsnet · 15/11/2013 17:33

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your reports. We've been through the thread and deleted posts which break our talk guidelines.

sparechange · 15/11/2013 17:47

Anyone that spends £5k on a high street, mass produced ring needs their head examined
For starters, all those 'blingy' rings around the edge and on the band will be low quality stones
Cutting loads of facets into them will hide all the flaws in the stone
Equally, the setting of the main stone is one to make a small stone appear bigger (plus having something that raised will drive you insane and you'll be forever catching it)

I would be amazed if the raw materials of that ring are worth more than £1500. If it was from Boodle or Van Clef or Tiffany, I could sort of understand how they might be able to justify the mark up. But for Beaverbrooks?!
Take half that money, go to an actual jeweler and get something made.
Aside from the fact that you'll be getting much more value for money, it is infinitely more romantic to have something bespoke and handcrafted than something made on a factory production line

garlictrivia · 15/11/2013 18:06

Erm, your ring is overpriced for 1 carat total diamonds.

I found this really easily (perhaps I'm too good at shopping for diamonds Blush) - it's just over 1 carat and the stones are slightly better quality. I really just wanted to show you how to price them, but this ring struck me as your style - what do you think? www.purelydiamonds.co.uk/engagement-rings/clusters/platinum-clusters/round-brilliant/pd571pl-platinum-cluster-with-a-round-brilliant-cut-centre-diamond-and-round-brilliant-cut-diamond-surrounding-it-all-in-a-claw-setting.html#.UoZhFOJk5ck

garlictrivia · 15/11/2013 18:07

Sorry, it lost my selections. Select G and S1, then click more info :)