AIBU to be fuming over my mums will.

[navada]

My mum lives in a house worth over 700k. I always assumed that on her death the house would be sold & split between me & my 3 siblings. ( I'd never been told otherwise! )
Anyway, about 5 years ago my brother moved back in with my mum when his marriage broke up, it was only supposed to be a temporary measure until he sorted himself out - he never quite got around to sorting himself out & still lives there. I found out a few months ago that my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants. He's fully intending to take up that offer.

Right now I hate both of them. how bloody unfair!

And actually in a much lesser way, we are in a similar situation but on a day to day basis. One of my siblings is useless with money - loses it, gets in debt, can't cope etc. My relatives bail her out all the time, but don't give us anything.

To be honest, I am pleased they do. We have enough to get by, we are better at coping with life than she is. She needs more help and I am really happy she gets the money they give her.

Maybe your brother requires more help in ways only a parent can see. Maybe your mother wants to give him more because he has contributed more to her life? There could be any number of reasons why she has made the will how she wants to - but it is her decision and at the end of the day, imo, she has tried to be fair and it is really unfair of you to criticize her for it. In the end your families get equal amounts - therefore it is fair.

To hate your mother just because she makes a decision you don't agree with means there can't have been much love there in the first place. I still can't get over that you feel so entitled.

frogwatcher
Kicked out on the streets? - with a substantial amount of money to set himself up as an independent adult.

I think you are being overdramatic. He would get a quarter of the mother's estate.

I really can't imagine how anyone could possibly think this is fair. If the brother is allowed to live in the house for the rest of his life then that could potentially be for the next forty or more years. That means every other "beneficiary" would very likely be well into old age before anything could be done. Not reasonable at all. Brother should be standing on his own two feet just like his siblings are, but perhaps the OP's mum has just not considered it from this perspective. She may simply be seeing her "poor damaged boy" and be protecting him.

I love my parents. I hate to even think of the day when they are both gone and really almost hope it never comes, but it will. They have drummed into my sister and I that when that day comes we are to sell their house and any proceeds are to be split equally between the two of us once solicitor fees and other associated costs are taken off.

Likewise my MIL. She is already a widow, and has three grown up children. She says her house is to be sold, costs taken off and the proceeds split three equal ways. No mention of any of the siblings having permission to live in the house after her death.

My hubby and I will be adopting a similar strategy towards our three children. It wouldn't feel right otherwise.

I think if the OP had not put the words "hate" and "fuming" into her post then it would have sounded a lot more moderate.

You sound like my friend's sister and BIL,

My friend who has never married and lived in the house with her mother snce she was born, the sister is married and has a perfectly nice house just up the road from them.

My friend has redecorated, put a new kitchen in, paved her garden to make a parking space (lives near a university so parking on street is now almost impossible) put a ramp from the parking space to the house to accomodate her mother's wheelchair (paralysed after a stroke) got a special lift put in from living room to her mother's bedroom, and adapted the bathroom. She got very little financial assistance for any of this work, and no contribution at all from her sister and BIL, or their grown up DC.

Friend's mother died a few years ago, and left the house to my friend, and some money to the sister and grandchildren.

Friend's sister forced her to re-mortgage the house, so she could get a share of the money. I was incandescent with rage, because she really bullied and forced her into it. And they still demand money from my friend, five years on.
They guilt trip her into paying their debts and all sorts of things.

Sorry, bit of a rant there, I just get so mad at their greed and selfishness.

Haahaa - can't believe all these posters would really be happy that scrounging brother gets to live out his life, full time or part time, whatever the fancy takes him, in a 700,000 pound house, no rent, no mortgage, no worries whilst they wait probably until their dotage, or possibly not in their life time, for a share of the value of their inheritance.

DM has been conned. But, OP, it is worth getting a bit of proper info on inheritance tax and care home fees being paid from sale of home, from a solicitor. Then you can perhaps, depending on what is said, encourage DM to make a more sensible will taking these into consideration (but possibly with the added result of DB not getting such an undeserved home).

her house, her money
she could have left everything to the local am dram society
nothing is yours till its in your hand

Maybe kicked out on the streets is a little dramatic. But he wouldnt get a lot with his inheritance realistically. And what I suppose I mean is that he would lose his home that potentially he will have lived in for 10s of years by the time the mother dies.

I still think what I said is right. And it is actually very common to do this in wills. My family have done exactly this, as have other relatives. I think it will get more common as some siblings stay living at home. We won't inherit because of it, but maybe at some point my dc will.

I genuinely do not have a problem with it. I have never been able to get my head around people thinking along the lines of people being entitled to a share of inheritance. Non of us are entitled to our parents material goods or money. We may be gifted them, but they do not have to supply us with their money.

I think it will all be pointless worry anyway. If the mother goes into a home then the house will have to be sold to pay care home fees. You only need an illness like alzheimers which goes on for years for £100k's to be used up. Add in inheritance tax and there won't be a lot left. Alternatively the brother may look after his mum in old age seeing as he is living there, in which case he saves the care home fees and imo earns his rights to keep the roof over his head of his family home!!!

But it's not just about getting money in your hand is it ? I think most people understand that many homes will end up being sold for care fees in any case. But if that happens, or indeed if the local am dram ends up with it all, the adult kids left behind would still be equal to one another - i.e. the parent would not have implied that she thinks more highly or loves one of the siblings more than the other by her actions.

PS
if you ever do consider challenging the will, allow £100,000 in costs per person minimum, payable up front

The OP and siblings will have to pay inheritance tax on the house, but not be able to sell it to cover the cash. That could place a strain on them while brother sits in there rent free!

Maybe you could all move in with your brother? :-)

But the kids arent equal. The brother is living at home with the mum. Keeping her company. Possibly supporting her physically in old age. Doing odd jobs round the house etc etc.

The mum may have many reasons to do what she has done. I cannot see how the mum has indicated she loves one sibling more than another. One still lives at home therefore she has provided for him still living at home until he settles elsewhere. If he leaves before she dies she will probably change the will to make it equal immediately.

I just do not get the problem. But like I say this exact thing (its called leaving it in liferant or something (when I last looked at will)) happens in our family and doesnt cause any problem or upset.

I think your mother sounds kind

More than likely you'll need to sell to pay inheritance tax but you can basically assume that your children's lives will be made easier as presumably the cash will end up benefitting your children not you...I'd be delighted in that situation. You must feel very lucky indeed to know that they have that cushion.

Yes it is your mother's house to do as she likes with, but the way things stand at the moment your brother gets a 700k house all to himself for life, and the rest of you will probably never see the benefit of any of your inheritance as you'll either die before him, or be so old by the time you get it that it is of little use or relevance, so I am not surprised that you are pissed off, and I would be too. she may as well just have given the lot to him for all the difference it makes.

I'm sure you are well aware that no-one is automatically entitled to expect anything from their parents' estate, but unless there is an extremely good reason for it, it is completely out of order to favour one child over the others and it leads to no end of hurt and anger.

Am I the only one hoping that the ops mum takes up with a toy boy and moves somewhere sunny to shag til she drops?
Look op, I understand that you feel pushed aside for your sibling, but your op comes across as grabby and grasping.
However unfair it is, it's your mothers money to do with as she wishes.
If, otoh, you feel your brother has pressured your mother into this decision and that your mother is vulnerable then that's another matter...

If i was your brother and your mother passed away. Id feel pressure to move out anyway. Surely it just means that you or your other siblings could not force the sale until he was sorted. I'm sure he wont stay there forever.

Has this will been drawn up by a solicitor? I rather doubt it. Even if the house hasnt had to be sold to pay for care, and even if that's all there is, anything over £325k (currently) is taxed at 40%. I make that a tax bill of £130k.

The house will have to be sold to pay that tax bill to HMRC anyway (unless the 4 of you can raise £130k between you) so I wouldn't worry too much.

There's a Mnetter called mumblechum who specialises in wills and can usually be found if you post a thread with the title "Will matter" or similar in Legal Matters. She also has a MN classified ad.

I think you have a right to be annoyed, it's not that you want want want all the money but that you simply want it to be fair. With his share he could buy his own house and you'd get your fair share.

It's her money yes, what you're complaining about is not her money but the stipulations on what will become your money.

YANBU

How annoying. What is your relationship like with your DM? Can you have a conversation with her about it and put your (and your sisters) point of view across?

I would be annoyed too.

This will never happen to me since the only thing I'd be likely to inherit from my parents is debt but I fail to see how the OP is being so unreasonable?

The brother gets to live in a big house rent free for possible the rest of his life. In real terms, the brother is getting everything, the rest of the siblings nothing.

I know an inheritance is not a right but this is blatently unfair and would piss me off too. I love my siblings but if one was entitled to nothing and the rest everything, it would rip the family apart.

YANBU, this does sound very unfair. Your brother also sounds quite shameless, an able-bodied (I assume?) man sponging off his elderly mother, it's embarrassing.

Yanbu. I think there are grounds to sometimes treat siblings differently, and if so that can and should be explained. For example my sister is single and will never have the earning power I do. That is because she does something worthwhile (social work) and I work in a city type job. My dh and I have already inherited his mothers estate, and will get half my parents (if there is anything). I would be happy if my sister got more than me, but doubt she will. The thing is she would also be happy if I got more than half as I have a disabled ds and she would want us to look after him.

However to do this without discussion between parent and child, and siblings does imply that the brother is being favoured, and depending on the back story that may be unfair. I would say if he lives there he should have an interest in the house, and able to live there but for a limited period whether 1 or more years. I would also say that if he pays for the upkeep puts his money into the house repairs etc that should also be taken into account before dividing the assets, so if he did do repairs etc that should be valued but not by allowing him to live rent free indefinitely I a property he owned a 25% share of.

OP has said that brother doesn't do anything around the house for his mother. (someone up-thread suggested he may be doing 'odd jobs around the house' and supporting his mother)

I don't think OP is BU. She could have worded her OP better ... but in principle i recon many readers here would be pretty miffed about their feckless brother tying up all their mothers estate because he didn't want to move house.

I think the way forward is to talk about the burden of the upkeep of the house once the brother is in sole charge. Will the sisters be able to afford to keep up their share of maintenance bills for the house? And why should they if they're never going to benefit from the sale of it?