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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be fuming over my mums will.

393 replies

navada · 13/11/2013 16:57

My mum lives in a house worth over 700k. I always assumed that on her death the house would be sold & split between me & my 3 siblings. ( I'd never been told otherwise! )
Anyway, about 5 years ago my brother moved back in with my mum when his marriage broke up, it was only supposed to be a temporary measure until he sorted himself out - he never quite got around to sorting himself out & still lives there. I found out a few months ago that my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants. He's fully intending to take up that offer.

Right now I hate both of them. how bloody unfair!

OP posts:

basgetti · 13/11/2013 17:13

Does your brother provide companionship or care for your mother? Has he helped with house expenses over the past 5 years? I think it is admirable that your mother wants to ensure that her son is not left without a roof over his head in the event of her death. Ultimately it is her house and she can do what she likes.

Badvoc · 13/11/2013 17:13

Wow.
Yanbu!

ohfourfoxache · 13/11/2013 17:13

There might also be an expectation that, as your mum ages and needs more help, it will be up to your brother to provide that help.

So, if you had it your way, what would happen? Mum pops her clogs and the son that (potentially) will have taken care of her and kept her company has to ship out just so that money is shared in a way that is perceived as "correct and fair"?

ivykaty44 · 13/11/2013 17:13

you never know your brother may drop dead tomorrow - then you would get your hands on the money as soon as your mother dies, stranger things have happened

Badvoc · 13/11/2013 17:14

Argh!! Epic post fail...meant to say
YABVU!!

LouiseAderyn · 13/11/2013 17:14

It's really ill advised to treat kids differently in your will unless one of them has a need for long term medical care. A will is the the last piece of communication you have with your family and people often equate equal treatment as a sign of being loved equally. That might be a mistake, but as a mum I wouldn't want my dc to be left with that last impression, however mistaken it might be.

SkullyAndBones · 13/11/2013 17:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itscockyfoxagain · 13/11/2013 17:14

My PIL are leaving their £250000 house to my two BILs who still live at home. They gave us £10k towards our house deposit as DHs inheritance, he will have no share in the family home, he is not bitter about it it is his parents choice.

AnyLemonFucker · 13/11/2013 17:14

YANBU. Natural to be irritated by that.

LittlePeaPod · 13/11/2013 17:15

Navada are you serious or taking the piss? God I ope you are taking the piss.

sebsmummy1 · 13/11/2013 17:16

I have a feeling this will turn into another one of those drip feed threads where there is a huge back sobstory.

Based on what you have told us I can understand you feeling aggrieved. I imagine you don't have the best relationship with your brother, you probably feel as though he is the favoured sibling and you are also probably in dire financial straits and were unconsciously relying on that money to put you in a stable position in the future.

I don't see what you can do without upsetting your mother to be honest. Yes you could have a word and ask there to be a time limit on his little stay but I imagine that's going to make you look pretty bad. The best you can hope for is that he won't be able to afford to stay there long term as the maintenance and heating on a big old house is large. Dies he work?

squeakytoy · 13/11/2013 17:16

you havent said how old your mother is..

if she is about to pop her clogs, I am sure she would be so happy to know her daughter is more bothered about her inheritance than losing her mum..

you could drop dead first then it is all irrelevant anyway..

GandalfsPointyHat · 13/11/2013 17:17

This has to be a reserve aibu surely? If it's not, YABVVVVU.

squeakytoy · 13/11/2013 17:17

Who is going to pay the inheritance tax? That will scupper your brothers plans anyway..

Pinupgirl · 13/11/2013 17:17

Yabu-a very similar situation happened in my family when my grandmother died. One of her children were living there with there family and my grandmother left her property to them as she didn't want to see them homeless.

It caused a huge family fall out and people still don't speak. You need to get over this before you upset your mother and other family members.

GandalfsPointyHat · 13/11/2013 17:17

Reverse

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 13/11/2013 17:17

I can see where the OP is coming from. Whilst her mum has the right to do what she wants with the estate. The effect is to favour one sibling over the rest. If her brother can stay in the house (rent free?) for as long as he wants then effectively he is the only one getting the benefit of the inheritance possibly for the whole of his lifetime.

WestieMamma · 13/11/2013 17:17

Of course you are being unreasonable. You want your brother to lose his home at the same time as he loses his mother just so you can get your hands on your mother's money.

SarahPercyAndBill · 13/11/2013 17:18

I think I'd ask her for the same rights... If your or your sister's marriages break up, can you also reside there?

I would start the conversation with "what about maintenance and renovations?" Will your brother be paying for both while living there? Is that in exchange for living there for free after your mom dies? When the boiler breaks, will he be asking for 2/3rd of cost from owners?

Try discussing this practically as she may not realise she's set up a situation where you've gained a tenant you can't kick out and 1/3 of upkeep indefinitely.

Nanny0gg · 13/11/2013 17:19

sebsmummy1
On the basis of what she's written I wouldn't have thought the OP had the best relationship with her mother either.

Junebugjr · 13/11/2013 17:19

I can't see many people being happy about this in RL.
I would be hurt, not about the money, but about the obvious favouritism.
louiseaderyn summed it up perfectly.

WestieMamma · 13/11/2013 17:19

Oh and divvying up her assets while she's still alive is really unpleasant too.

AMumInScotland · 13/11/2013 17:19

You'd be more unreasonable to expect him to move in with someone than to expect him to rent a flat, or buy one with his quarter of the inheritance. You can't really know about other people's relationships, maybe she doesn't want him to move in, or maybe he's scared of relying on someone else after his previous breakup.

But, like I said above, I don't think there's anything wrong in - politely and calmly - suggesting that, if she does want to leave the house equally to all of you, this would make it complicated and not enable you to make any use of the money for whatever she'd like it to go towards, like her grandchildren if that's in her mind.

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 13/11/2013 17:20

So you hate them but still expect to get your share of the inheritance? Entitled much! It sounds like you've already spent the money before your mother is even in the ground?

From reading is, she hasn't written you out, just said he can live there and when he doesn't live there any more you will be able so sell the house and get your money grabbing hands on your inheritance.

Though if I was related to you and I saw this in would be changing the will to leave you out.

OrangePixie · 13/11/2013 17:21

Your 'inheritance' doesn't exist until someone dies and you're named in the will. That's not happened therefore you don't have one to think about, worry about or moan about.

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