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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fuming over my mums will.

393 replies

navada · 13/11/2013 16:57

My mum lives in a house worth over 700k. I always assumed that on her death the house would be sold & split between me & my 3 siblings. ( I'd never been told otherwise! )
Anyway, about 5 years ago my brother moved back in with my mum when his marriage broke up, it was only supposed to be a temporary measure until he sorted himself out - he never quite got around to sorting himself out & still lives there. I found out a few months ago that my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants. He's fully intending to take up that offer.

Right now I hate both of them. how bloody unfair!

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 13/11/2013 17:22

YABU. My DM has said that she and my DDad want to split their assets in a way that I don't agree with, but that is tough - theirs to do what they like wth.

Original poster
navada · 13/11/2013 17:22

I obviously can't go into too much detail about my family on here, but my brother really doesn't care too deeply about my mum - he's a user & out for himself, he doesn't do much for her really apart from providing a bit of company. she has to get people in to do any little job around the house because he won't do anyth

OP posts:
BeigeBuffet · 13/11/2013 17:22

Ergh, what a distasteful post. Your mother is obviously aware of how you really feel about her and is actually putting you back in your place and equipping you with an important life lesson-don't be a greedy grabbing so and so. Clever Mummy!!

blueemerald · 13/11/2013 17:23

I actually think this is pretty unfair, unless your brother is providing some pretty full on care for your mum (which it doesn't sound like he is). But I've have it drilled it to me (and my two brothers) from a very young age that any inheritance left is to be split absolutely in to thirds to the penny. My mother fully intends to haunt us if we somehow break this arrangement.

I've heard of older relatives being "persuaded" to make changes by live in relatives so maybe this is worth checking out.

RevelsRoulette · 13/11/2013 17:23

You don't have an inheritance.

Your mother isn't dead yet.

I am quite sure that you would rather her live a very long time than get your hands on her home, eh?

At the end of the day, there is no such thing as an inheritance while the person is alive. at that point it is called Their Money. Their Property.

If your mother doesn't want to turf your brother out - that's her choice and her right. If she wanted to leave everything she owns to the cats protection league - that's up to her.

And she may become ill in her old age and the house be sold to pay care home fees.

concentrate on making your own fortune and just appreciate the people. They can do what they like with their money.

And her saying your brother can stay in the home as long as he needs to doesn't mean she loves him more than you. I bet if you were the one living there, she'd do the same for you.

thenightsky · 13/11/2013 17:23

Your brother will have to sell the house anyway to pay inheritance tax.

Retropear · 13/11/2013 17:24

My grandparents had this set up so my parents may not inherit but the grand kids will.

My dad is a bit Hmm but to be fair my aunt did/ does all the upkeep and looked after my elderly grandparents and she is their child.I wouldn't want my child homeless straight after burying us.My parents certainly don't need the money anyway.

Tbf it's not your money so it is up to her but I can see why you're upset.I do think she's right though.

squeakytoy · 13/11/2013 17:24

"but my brother really doesn't care too deeply about my mum"

not the only one by the sounds of it...

CecilyP · 13/11/2013 17:24

I can see where you are coming from, OP. Your mum wants to leave all her children a share of the house while at the same time insisting that your brother can continue living there. If he continues to live there 'for as long as he wants' that could mean the rest of his life, and you and your other siblings have effectively been left nothing. (Although your respective children will benefit) The only way you would get anything back is charging him a market rent for living there but I'm not sure if that would be a possibility. I don't see why he can't get his 1/4 share - he wouldn't exactly be left homeless as that would be a big deposit for another home (in fact he could buy my house outright and still have change).

I don't think you should be fuming exactly as I your mum probably means well and doesn't realise the ill-feeling this might cause. But, no, I don't think it is fair. What do your other siblings think about this?

steeking · 13/11/2013 17:25

Good point about the inheritance tax. If that's her only asset it will need to be sold to pay the bill .
It's possible she has other cash assets and she may have made allowances in the way that has been left
BUT her inheritance is just that. It's HERS . Not yours. She can do what she likes with it.

Retropear · 13/11/2013 17:25

Thenight my aunt never had to,maybe they put the house in her name.

squeakytoy · 13/11/2013 17:26

Why would the brother be homeless.. he would get a quarter share of property worth 700k.. plus I presume, a quarter of any other assets.. he is hardly going to be on the streets is he..

LouiseAderyn · 13/11/2013 17:26

I think you mum probably just hasnt thought about the long term implications re inheritance tax, maintenance of the house etc. She probably hasn't thought any further than simply helping out your brother whe she perceives him to be most vulnerable. She would possibly not have considered that he could stay in that house for the rest of his life, whether he needs to or not.

It is sad that his marriage failed but that shouldn't impact on what is fair to you all.

YouAreMyFavouriteWasteOfTime · 13/11/2013 17:28

the estate will pay 40% of the value of the estate over £325k. so about £150k.

so surely the house will need to be sold?

CecilyP · 13/11/2013 17:28

I totally disagree with you, BeigeBuffet. If OP's mother wanted to leave her entire estate to the brother, that would be entirely her choice. But what she is doing is wanting to be seen to be fair and even handed when she is clearly favouring one child over the other 3.

ModreB · 13/11/2013 17:28

I have 3 DC's. My DAunt has a property worth about £550k, and my eldest DS lives with her. Its his home as well as her home.

She has made a will with exactly the same provision. Its her property, she can do what she wants with it.

YABU and entitled IMO.

Fleta · 13/11/2013 17:29

So your mother isn't dead, she's helping out your sibling who was going through a tough time and you hate them both because she's put a stipulation on what happens to HER property when she's died?

And in fact you assumed the house would be divided between you - it has, just not quite in the way you expected. You know JUST what they say about people who assume...

AliceinWonderhell · 13/11/2013 17:30

I fully anticipate my DSC to have the same attitude in the future - my DP has left his home (that we share) to his DCs but I have the right to live here (or downsize) until my death or I choose otherwise.

I have no doubt they will be incandescent with rage at the thought that I'm continuing to live in the home I created with their Dad once he's gone!

SparklyFucker · 13/11/2013 17:30

With care home fees running at £25k-£30k a year for a good place, if she needs a placement for say 10 years, then that's half the amount gone, then there will be inheritance taxes potentially and possibly other fees (funeral expenses, solicitors fees etc all come out of the estate). If you're hoping to get your mitts on potentially quarter of a million, you are deluding yourself. Your whole post is deeply distasteful.

CecilyP · 13/11/2013 17:31

Your brother will have to sell the house anyway to pay inheritance tax.

Yes, of course, inheritance tax will have to be found from somewhere. It doesn't sound as if your mum has been very well advised.

WestieMamma · 13/11/2013 17:32

I would think you could contest a will which is markedly unfair.

I didn't think you could in the UK unless you were financially dependent on the deceased.

IAlwaysThought · 13/11/2013 17:34

Are you able yo talk to your Mum about this at all?

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 13/11/2013 17:34

This is the situation with my Nan's house. Dad now lives in it but it is owned by all four of them. He pays for all the upkeep, new roof etc and it is his home for the rest of his life. He moved in to look after my Nan when she was ill and all 4 agreed this is what should be done.

However I am assuming your Brother is under 65 and has no medical conditions (think it is 65 ). In the event of your Mum not being able to stay at home and needing care then her house would not be disregarded with your Brother living in it and would be needed to pay for care fees as people have mentioned above. The cap thing on fees is coming in which will make a difference but really you don't get to expect an inheritance.

I have asked to be written out of my Mother's will after my Brother turned on me this summer when she became very ill with Dementia and my Mother said I was evil and plotting against her. He hasn't seen her for 4.5 years and told SS I was trying to protect my inheritance. Fortunately SS quickly got what was really going on and have told me that they consider I have acted in her Best Interests at all times.

However I needed to protect myself from any further accusations hence requesting to be written out. She had subsequently said she would reverse it but I have declined. All the professionals in her case have said how they see these conflicts time and time again, it's really sad how families get split by this.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 13/11/2013 17:35

YANBU

I can't believe any parent would distribute whatever was left after their death in a way guaranteed to make 3 of their children feel pissed off and like they were second best.

Why on earth is she rewarding one son for failing to live as a independent adult?

nickelbabe · 13/11/2013 17:35

I'm with you op.
and I can also almost guarantee that your brother has got this deal by doing a sob story.

you really have to talk to your mum.
how to do that without sounding like a whiner is another matter