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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be fuming over my mums will.

393 replies

navada · 13/11/2013 16:57

My mum lives in a house worth over 700k. I always assumed that on her death the house would be sold & split between me & my 3 siblings. ( I'd never been told otherwise! )
Anyway, about 5 years ago my brother moved back in with my mum when his marriage broke up, it was only supposed to be a temporary measure until he sorted himself out - he never quite got around to sorting himself out & still lives there. I found out a few months ago that my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants. He's fully intending to take up that offer.

Right now I hate both of them. how bloody unfair!

OP posts:
IIlustriouslyIllogical · 28/03/2018 09:00

Does it give him sole use?

I'd be Air B&Bing my part out left right & centre.....

Vangoghsear · 28/03/2018 09:02

I think that if you and other siblings own 2/3 of it you would be entitled to ask for market rent for your share of the house. Perhaps this might encourage your brother to reconsider.

Totsntantrums · 28/03/2018 09:08

My parents have the same stipulation in their will for my DB who still lives at home.

They did speak to us about it first. I think it affects my DS more as she relies on benefits and having ownership in a house reflects this. It was then decided that the stipulation would be for a period of two years which gives my brother a reasonable time to sort out his own circumstances.

I have no concern for the house at all but I am worried about contents as my parents made no allowance for this. Technically the contents converts to my brother and so if I wanted some photos or momentos, I would have to ask him first.

I understand that you are upset as your mother has technically financially tied you to your siblings for as long as your brother dictates. It has nothing to do with being entitled or grabby and IMO she should have spoken to you about this first.

Totsntantrums · 28/03/2018 09:09

After all that and it’s a zombie

xaxi · 28/03/2018 09:26

My brother has swindled my mother to leave everything to him.

She had major disabilities so I am kind of shocked that he managed to get away with it all.

He moved in, she got sick, she moved to a care home, he got the house

He also managed to get in another relatives will and kept the money rather than distribute it and therefore he ripped off 80 plus year old relatives.

I reckon he has got 2 million tax free or that is what he will get,whereas before that amount would have been divided 8 ways or should have been spent on private care.

I am going to walk away from it all as he is so abusive. If I contest it will just be a win for the solicitors.

But to the outside world he then presents himself as sole cater but really is a sick abusive bastard.

He made sure he got her to put the assets in trust too and he controls the trust so on paper it looked like she had nothing and so got subsidised care. I would love to dob him in somehow but she is dead now and again he is abusive.

My mother wasn't the greatest either.

It does annoy me as my father (who died decades ago) would have wanted everyone to be treated fairly. His will was contested too.

It really is quite something to disinherit close family.

It has made me want to make sure my will is as watertight as can be and to make sure I make decisions about my life and assets before say old age or disabilities set in that would make me vulnerable to someone like my brother.

xaxi · 28/03/2018 09:31

Maybe I should start my own thread

sleepyjane · 28/03/2018 09:50

Your mums being unfair, Loads of people still have a grown up child living at home, for lots of different reasons. That shouldn't mean that that child gets to stay in the house.

Why on earth would it make him homeless when he'll get a good sized chunk of money from the house sale to buy his own place.

Kangar00 · 28/03/2018 16:45

I don't like it when people don't like people discussing wills! My opinion is that in life, you would expect (and is only fair) to be loved and treated equally as your siblings and the same should apply in a will. Yes, it might be the OPs mother's money but we can still have an opinion on how it is spent. Would it be fair, for example if you had children and one was privately educated and the other wasn't.

Kangar00 · 28/03/2018 16:50

This: really ill advised to treat kids differently in your will unless one of them has a need for long term medical care. A will is the the last piece of communication you have with your family and people often equate equal treatment as a sign of being loved equally. That might be a mistake, but as a mum I wouldn't want my dc to be left with that last impression, however mistaken it might be.

Why would this be a reverse. A parent is treating her children unequally. YANBU

IIlustriouslyIllogical · 28/03/2018 17:58

A relative did something similar in our family - it wasn't known until the will was read.

1 sibling favoured over the other 2 with no explanation, letters etc.

It was a real kick in the teeth - how would you like your last communication from a parent to be a big "fuck you"??

Massive discord in the family, NC with the 1 sibling, the memory of that relative is tainted now.....

steff13 · 28/03/2018 18:03

Why would this be a reverse. A parent is treating her children unequally. YANBU

Does it matter if it's a reverse if the thread is 5 years old?

Nediachick · 29/03/2018 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Starchime22 · 29/03/2018 16:19

Huh?

Lucisky · 29/03/2018 16:54

Nediachick, wind your neck in and chill. You take life too seriously if this is a major worry in your life.Goodbye then.

Mrsmadevans · 29/03/2018 17:05

Well OP on the one hand you could always move back in with him when your mum passes away. Also looking on the bright side men usually die before women so you will 'see your Inheritance ' before you die.

Mrsmadevans · 29/03/2018 17:07

I hope the bro is very well btw , l know this is a zombie thread but ......just saying lol

LoveInTokyo · 29/03/2018 17:07

I haven’t RTFT, so unless there was some big reveal after about page 5, I would say YANBU.

I also bet that 99% of the people who have posted on this thread saying YABU and your mother can do whatever she likes with her property would be just as angry if they were in your position.

Sorry if this has already been covered, but how did you find out?

I agree it would be worth having a chat with your mother to find out whether, for example, you and your other siblings could end up being liable to pay for a share of having the roof replaced, or to maintain buildings insurance etc, or would have an equal share of any liability for Japanese knotweed in the garden or chancel repairs or what have you, even though you wouldn’t be getting any benefit from the house until your brother chooses to move out.

You could well end up in a situation where your brother lives in this big expensive house for free when you or your siblings might really be struggling financially, if one of you loses your job or you want to help your kids pay for university or something, and you wouldn’t get your share of the inheritance until it’s too late for it to be of any use to you.

Is that really what your mother intends?

LegallyBrunet · 29/03/2018 17:08

Actually @Nediachick, I was just trying to stop people posting on a years old thread but okay...

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