AIBU to be fuming over my mums will.

[navada]

My mum lives in a house worth over 700k. I always assumed that on her death the house would be sold & split between me & my 3 siblings. ( I'd never been told otherwise! )
Anyway, about 5 years ago my brother moved back in with my mum when his marriage broke up, it was only supposed to be a temporary measure until he sorted himself out - he never quite got around to sorting himself out & still lives there. I found out a few months ago that my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants. He's fully intending to take up that offer.

Right now I hate both of them. how bloody unfair!

So much sentimental value that they can't wait to sell it and pocket the cash
What I take is the brother wants to live there, the op wants to pocket (sentimental??) cash from a sale. Correct me if I'm wrong.

mewmeow - well, to be fair, the Op isnt being given the option of living there is she?

Too simplistic mewmeow. Brother is onto a free meal ticket IMHO. That is how I read it. It effectively disinherits the other siblings.

I have a BIL like that. My MIL still massively favours him no matter what wrong he does (whole other thread) and it is horrible sometimes, but at least with regard to her will (which she has shown to all three of her children and filed with a solicitor) she has not done this. Her house will be sold, all costs taken off, IHT if it applies taken off, and the proceeds split equally three ways.

Of course a house that has been a family home has sentimental value. My parents' house has massive sentimental value to all of us, being the house my sister and I grew up in and where my parents still live. Neither mys sister or I will be going back there for anything other than visits though, and come the inevitable time, the house and its land will be sold, with proceeds being split equally.

Can someone for the love of god tell me how old the mother is?
I have scrolled through and I still can't find it.

The op must have said because its a really stupid thread if she hasn't

Anniegetyourgun

Well done you for sorting out your will now, and being open and clear to your DC where it is and how.

I have also done this.

I have done this as I was left a pig of a mess to try and sort out which is not easy after the event.

More people in the UK need to stop being stupid and start sorting out thier affairs properly.

One of the problems if you want to even talk wills, is that you get called all the names the OP has.

I sincerely hope that my siblings and I would find a way to sort out any unfairness relating to a legacy from my parents. We love each other a lot (younger brother and older sister) and I would be devastated at any bitterness between us

I would hope so too, with my siblings. But that's just about the money.

I saw what hurt and pain an unequal will caused relatives in an older generation. The sense of bewilderment and hurt at being left out of a parent's will (for no stated reason, no breach or animosity, or so they thought) was awful.

I come from several generations of trust funds & hefty wills in a sort of standard upper middle-class way, but one of my siblings has married into a very seriously fabulously wealthy family. My sibling and their children will need nothing from our parents or me (if I'm thinking of being an indulgent aunt!), or anyone else, but my parents are still intending to divide their estate absolutely equally between all of us siblings. I guess we're lucky -- none of us needs it.

But we all understand that money in families can have a symbolic meaning.

I imagine the inheritance tax issue has been dealt with within the terms & conditions of the will? - Any solicitor worth their salt would have sorted that out surely? not that I'm a legal expert by any stretch of the imagination.
And yes, I suppose I could use the house as my 'London apartment' or even live in it myself, I know my brother wouldn't mind, but I'm settled with my dc in a completely different area & we're all very happy here. I suppose the one good thing is my dc will eventually get the money, so that's something.

Oh, and my mum is in her late 70's ( my brother is in his mid-50's - & yes, still living with his mum at that age < rolls eyes > )

Anyway, thank you all for listening to me rant away, I feel a lot better now I've talked it over :-)
I have a lot to think about, but now I've calmed down a bit I'm determined not to let this eat away at me, l'll try & keep smiling, even if it is through gritted teeth.

Families eh?

It's unfair OP. Easy for others to cry out in disgust at your 'grabbiness'. I wonder how they would honestly feel in your situation. Not quite as virtuous I think.
YANBU.

I imagine the inheritance tax issue has been dealt with within the terms & conditions of the will? - Any solicitor worth their salt would have sorted that out surely?

The only way of doing so and keeping the house for your DB to live in is by your DM leaving him a cash sum equivalent to the IHT on her death as well.

Otherwise I think you risk being asked by your DB to contribute towards the IHT so he can keep the house and live in it.

I think all of you need to start communicating about this. My guess is that your DB has already done so, hence the current settlement.

Just because one will has been written does not mean it is the final version.

I assume that your DM isn't unfirm and this isn't a case of your DB exercising influence over her, and that she has had independent legal advice?

My take on this is that it should be shared between all the children.

What's fair is fair.

Anyway, hope the house sells ;-)

our parents home has been on the market for almost 3 years

Snowbility Unequal wills are such a bad idea. Bils family were torn apart - father gave a small farm worth £1million to my Bil who had worked relentlessly for the father but then gave the bigger farm worth £11million to other other two brothers who had run off to Uni - as it was described by Bil. For whatever reason the decision was made it has left a huge amount of bad feeling between the brothers

My DH's mother's family have quite a history of leaving (and subsequently losing) family farms to the feckless younger brother. His great grandfather left his farm to his alcoholic son, trusting the hard working son to make this own way in life. Guess who then left the farm they had worked to buy themselves to the one child out of four who didn't leave home, never got a proper job and subsequently lost everything after mortgaging the farm and not keeping up the parents? DH's uncle. The other three siblings are all comfortably off.

I often wonder whether being left a significant amount is a poisoned challenge. Or maybe it is the living their lives in a way so as to try and guarantee the inheritance that is damaging?

More people in the UK need to stop being stupid and start sorting out thier affairs properly.

I agree.

People don't want to talk about their death though, let's brush it under the carpet, like it will never happen....

As a single mum, I HAD to take care of it... Never know what will happen in life. Thank God my son is sorted if I fall off my perch tomorrow....

There's nothing like perceived unfairness over wills to make family members all out with each other.

It happened with both my parents' families and will be happening with my own when my mother goes.

She obviously didn't learn from what happened with her own family or has thought that she couldn't care less what happens after she goes.

I do think you should ask your mum about the Inheritance Tax issue. Because if she has thought about it, she'll be able to put your mind at rest, if not, then you really need to have that conversation now while there's still time to fix it.

And definately tell her you think it's unfair, that effectively she's giving the house to your brother and not to the rest of you. The fact that it isn't fair might not have occurred to her. At least have your say now.

YANBU

A house worth 700K could easily be divided equally 4 ways, giving each sibling at least 175K, which would be more than enough to allow your brother to buy his own place.

I'm not saying you would kick him out the day you mother passed, but I think that within a reasonable period of time he should be looking to move out.

Also I doubt your brother would be able to maintain the upkeep of a large house worth 700K alone. He would be wise to sell up and buy something smaller and more manageable with his share.

For those that are telling the op she is being greedy I ask you which child are you going to leave everything to and which of your children are you going to ignore?
Also if there is no extra cash for the inheritance tax is the op and the rest of her siblings going to have to pay it, so where is that money coming from?

" my mum has made a will leaving the house to all of us, but with a stipulation that my brother can say in the house for as long as he wants."

Get legal advice. I would think that once you jointly own it with your siblings, you can do whatever you like with it.

You might not be able to sell it if one of the owners (your DB) doesn't want to, but he can't live in it rent-free either if the other owners don't give their consent.

Usually when a parent is alive, siblings who don't get on that well try to get along so as not to upset the parent(s). Once they go, siblings will often then do what is best for themselves and their own families and not care what the siblings think

A friend if mine who is a probate lawyer told me once that immediate ("blood") family may well manage to get on, but in-laws husbands and wives of siblings are often far more venal and prepared to go for the cash rather than maintain good family relate ships.

So the OP's brother's GF may also see an easy ride offered by the OP's mother, and add fuel to any fire of the brother's potential greed.

I know a family who the exact thing happened with their mothers will. The outcome? What was once a happy close family no longer speak to each other, if there's such thing as heaven their mother will be watching down devastated. What's worth more to you, 1/4 of the money from a sold house or your family?

I'd be devastated (never used that most MN of words before) if my mother left her house to my brother (who moved back after his divorce and is still here, 7 years later, at 38!). It wouldn't only be unfair but it's be impractical. If she thinks he needs all that help then split the house, split the money and he'll do much better with a lump sum to be responsible for.

My mother has already blown £££££££££s from the sale of the family home on my father's death though. So we'll get halves on a crappy flat and a useless foreign property rather than a decent, deposit-sized amount ten years ago when it might actually have been useful.

By the same token what's worth more to the brother? Selling up so they all get their fair share or keeping it all to himself and falling out with his siblings?

Iht - if she was married and her husband didn't use his allowance then she will get both, which gives her 700k tax free.

I can see why this would feel unfair, but in her eyes it would feel like she was making him homeless if she didn't stipulate a lifetime interest for him.

I'm sure the solicitor will have sorted out maintenance etc in the terms of the Will.

I have no idea how my mum's estate will be left. My dad died a few years ago and she is in the process of moving in with a new man. I'd rather get nothing at all than discuss it though, to be honest. I know that my mum loves my sister and I utterly and equally, her Will is not going to be a factor in how I judge that.

I do think will and money bring out people's true behaviour. Unfortunately in this case, not very nice behaviour.

OP, it sounds like your mum is trying to do the decent thing by her (dependent) son. She is offering him security which she perceives, rightly or wrongly, the other siblings already have.

However, no-one can predict the future. No-one can guarantee the other siblings relationships won't break down, that no-one gets made redundant, goes bankrupt, or gets a life-limiting illness.

The 'decent thing' would be for your brother to thank your mum but to decline her offer and start saving for his own place.

Sometimes its the 'squeaky wheel' that gets the attention. Your brother, being in her house and under her nose all the time, is a very loud squeak.