To find a SAHM with nanny a bit much?

[lill72]

I know a mum that has 2 DC. One is at school, one at nursery at least 3 mornings a week, with a nanny every afternoon. The nanny/housekeeper also does a few nights a week and then has a teacher on the weekend to do activities with as well as nanny one night. The mum spends hardly any time with the children, as she i never there when the nanny is, even though she is a SAHM.

Although some days I would love some more time on my own, I just find this amount of time away from your children is sort of odd, when you are able to spend it with them. Aren't these time precious?

By the way, I am not saying anything against working mums, only that if you have the chance/choice to be with your kids, shouldn't you make a bit more of it?

love to hear your thoughts?

I'm more than happy to spend my disposable income gained from working on outsourcing

We have a cleaner. Why the jibbins do I want to spend hours cleaning when a. We can afford to have someone come in and b. I can be taking my toddler son for walks in the woods, to museums, story times etc.? Don't get me wrongI still cook and cleanbut I don't want to spend half my Saturday with a tub of bleach in hand.

"Poor husbands paying for cleaning while SAHM sits on arse on MN".

You know, that is us to a T! I shouldn't laugh, I really shouldn't....

Look any housewife thread,the conspicuously wealthy turn up crowing up precious moments
Stating how they need to be available to run kids to kumon,music,etc
And their wage slave is free to work a gazillion hours a week unencumbered

I really don't see the problem with a sham having some childcare, are sahms not allowed to pursue hobbies, go to the gym, relax, socialise? and why the hell would I spend my spare time cleaning if I could afford not to?!

Thats ok Crowler, he doesnt. We both work so its a joint effort. How we choice to spend free time is down to us both, i like to get involved with things.

to those that say if they had the cash they would do the same as op's friends

WHY???

Even with all that help, there are still two afternoons a week, five evenings, all get up in the mornings and all put to beds during the week, plus full days on the the weekend (the night off is presumably when the DC are in bed anyway) even if the nanny is entertaining the children with specific activities during that time. You also don't know if the nanny is in sole charge or acting more in a supporting role. For all you know the mum could have severe PND (she wouldn't be the first to mask it well in public). Or she could just be able to afford to do this, as is her right.

Barring abuse and neglect, there is no one single right way to raise children. There are many ways and each can work with varying success depending on the child and the parent.

You could just as well argue (although I wouldn't) that a SAHM is guilty of living vicariously, so suffocating her child and stifling their emerging independence.

Each to their own.

I love the feminist assumption that the DH is paying for the nanny by working, because surely the woman could not have had a highly paid job before becoming a SAHM, or live off her investments!

SAHM not cleaning = pathetic? If you have a choice and can afford it easily, why not pay someone else to make your life easier? It's like saying that buying a loaf of bread is a waster of money when you can make one, or using a washing machine instead of hand washing. Personally I haven't got that option, and I actually am fine cleaning my own windows/doing my own housework but if I suddenly had spare disposable income I'd have a window cleaner and a cleaner just to give me more "fun time", and with shedloads of cash (and younger children than mine) I'd have a nanny for the sake of a different input.

Yabu

You can't possibly know the whole story.

Just because she doesn't work doesn't make her a sahm. A sahm implies that the mother does childcare, housework etc etc

Maybe she just is someone who doesn't work, is a mother and has a nanny for fulltime childcare.

Think you will find that its aSAHM who doesn't want to do the housework monkeynuts 123 not who CAN'T do the housework

What do you mean Scottishmummy? That "housewives" are taking the piss because they're not really doing a valuable job looking after their kids/the house? I don't agree with that. How would their partner have a family if they were at work and had noone to look after the kids? Or maybe I've misunderstood what you're saying.

Maybe she is independently wealthy?

I think a lot of SAHMs would employ a nanny/ housekeeper if they could, particularly those with several children so that they could have a bit of individual time with each and some help with the household drudgery.
A lot of people have very supportive grandparents who provide regular help in the same way that a mother's help might and no one batts an eyelid at that.

I think the OP is a bit as to why someone who has given up work post children to be a 'SAHM' appears to choose not to spend her time with the children even though she has no work commitment. It does seem a bit strange and not what most SAHMs would see as their role so I can understand from that point of view.
However, we don't know of the OP knows the whole story. It may be that she has some physical or mental health difficulties that we don't know about.

Peppermint, great points. Especially what you say about grandparents.

Reading this more. I wish I had a nanny, mothers help, cleaner, something?

YABU. It's none of your business. For all you know, she might do the books of her husband's business and be expected to attend loads of related dinners etc each week. Or she might have care committments for an elderly member of her family. Or maybe she just likes riding her horse and hiking. Who knows and who cares?

It always interests me how some people presume that everybody has to have a role in life.
If you don't go out to work you should do x. If you do work you should do y.
WTF does it matter what people do if it makes them happy. If somebody is happy to work to pay to outsource their childcare and cleaning whilst their oh is at home, why does it matter.
Has anybody thought the OPs family might work better like that, who knows their circumstances. Her dh might be more than happy to do that because it enables her to be a bloody sex goddess.

ScottishMummy

Look at any housewife thread and groundhog day, you pipe up "Wage slaves" and precious moments.

Just saying.

Hmm morepotato.

That seems a v insular view to which I don't subscribe. None of us exist in a vacuum. Your last sentence is probably meant as a joke but I find it distasteful even as a joke.

peppermint

Of course its not a joke, that's the way some people are and it works for them. There's a lot to say about keeping each other happy and she may enjoy being a sex goddess. Likewise there could be many things she does.
Not everybody follows the conventional path, and just because they don't as in the OPs example doesn't mean we should judge them harshly.
No idea what context you are meaning with "insular" and distasteful?