To find a SAHM with nanny a bit much?

[lill72]

I know a mum that has 2 DC. One is at school, one at nursery at least 3 mornings a week, with a nanny every afternoon. The nanny/housekeeper also does a few nights a week and then has a teacher on the weekend to do activities with as well as nanny one night. The mum spends hardly any time with the children, as she i never there when the nanny is, even though she is a SAHM.

Although some days I would love some more time on my own, I just find this amount of time away from your children is sort of odd, when you are able to spend it with them. Aren't these time precious?

By the way, I am not saying anything against working mums, only that if you have the chance/choice to be with your kids, shouldn't you make a bit more of it?

love to hear your thoughts?

It's really nought to do with you. I'm sure lots if wealthy people do similar. If I had the money I'd have a nanny, probably part time but on call for the rest of the time. So there!

125 posts and yet no more word from the OP....

I just wrote a post and deleted it cos it didn't sound right. Well said Pag you just hit the nail on the head And you've mentioned the other thing people collectively tut over - sahm's with children in school. I'm one too and it amazes me people even notice enough to care, but they do (at least on mn)

If you can afford it why not? I have 3 dc and have pretty much sole responsibility for them even when dh is home. He only takes charge when I get to go out. I am sure I would be a better parent if I had more me time.
And what double standards from those saying she not they are damaging the children. Why is it fine for a wohm to be out 7am to 7pm with a nanny but a sahm can't use a nursery and have part time help.
More sahm bashing.

I've heard of this in the US, it has some affect in the event of a divorce as the SAHP is considered to have made the choice not to work rather than sacrificing their earning potential by bringing up the children, reducing the settlement given.

Oh, it's me I've been outed

I think some people are bashing the OP. There is absolutely nothing wrong with cleaners/nannies, even if the mother does not work and just wants a bit of 'time out'. That is fine. But I think the OP thinks this particular mother spends too much time away from her DC and leaves it all to the nannie/helper.

OP's fucked off, I notice.

There are too many unknowns here. If the mum didn't work before she had children then she's not actually a SAHM, as such, is she? She may well have any number of responsibilities (caring for other relatives, dealing with personal illness, volunteering etc etc) going on.

No mention of the children's father, I notice - is he detached/neglectful/abusive/delete as appropriate?

I was a crap SAHM (DH would be a brilliant SAHD, if I earned as much as him I think we could easily have gone down that route), so I went back to work, part time at the mo but full time in the next few years I hope. If I didn't have to work and could afford help, I would grab it with both hands.

If I had had more money......
I would have got in a cleaner, a cook, AND someone to do ALOT of the childcare over the last 9 years.
Motherhood? what's so flipping great about it? What % is TOTALLY ENJOYABLE?
Yup. My point exactly.

Trying to remember what % of time I spent doing the enjoyable bits - cuddlying, snuggling under the blanket, lying in bed doing skin to skin...

And what % I spent cleaning up pooh, and unknown gloop from my shoulder, and what % I said " will you two stop doing xxx, because I'm going to throttle you both in a minute"

Goes off to calculate ......

"I know a mum with one child aged 21 and ten nannies!"

That is unusual I must admit.

As poster up thread said, I am made for staff. This thread has got me fantasising!

Agree oblo.... I often feel as if I'm up to my elbows in poo. By 830!this morning, ds had done 3 poos. Luckily dd3 (age 4) did not do her usual truck of waking me up by shoving her butt in my direction, shouting, is it clean mumeeeee?

Would like nanny, pa, cleaner, chef.

I was a sahm and had a childminder, would've had a nanny if I could've afforded one. You need to keep your sticky beak out OP as it's bog all to do with you.

YABU OP, you don't know her personal circumstances.

Not long after we arrived in Switzerland a new expat mum arrived with two DCs under 6 and two nannies. At least that is what everybody thought and boy there were some bitchy comments about her not needing two nannies at the same time.

We became friends and after a while i realised that the two nannies were not both nannies. One was a nanny and one was a nurse, whose full time job it was to look after my friend. I won't into details here about her very private illness but when the truth was revealed the other mums who had made snide comments about a SAHM not needing one nanny let alone two, were rather .

Id love some help about now. Its bloody hard!

I do spend quite a bit of time with the family and at their house as our DD are friends. I really don't think there is much more to it than I describe.

Of course I can mind my own business - but it has become my business I guess as I hear all the time about how the children are perfect sleepers and eaters etc and I just think well it is easy for you as you are hardly with them!

I also have to listen to SAHM complain when nanny is away or something and she actually has to pick children up etc - it is a little much to bear!! Especially when she admits her life is easy to me, when she knows I don't have the same help.

Of course I am looking with some envy, but I do also find it curious the amount of time spend without their child.

It is just very different from what I would do, so I was just asking for your thoughts...

sqeauver - sorry have been out entertaining my child!!

ah each to their own hey.

Um no, I think children generally need looking after for 7 days a week, 24 hours a day? So a 12 hr 5 day nanny still leaves early mornings, evenings, nights and weekends for the parents to do. if you see what I mean.

In this case the kids are looked after during many of the nights by the nanny and at weekends by a teacher who does their activities with them. Then in the evenings they will be in bed.

There is no question of neglect - I never said this. These are much loved children.

More just an interesting discussion of the choices people make....

DH's boss wife is a SAHM with three children in school and 2 nannies: one in the week and another at the weekend. We've always found it fascinating simply because it's not our way or experience. Of course she can do as she pleases, of course it's none of our business, doesn't mean we can't notice and opine though.

Life would be rather dull if we could never make a passing observation about another person's life.

Yes, I don't really have a problem with SAHM's having nannies whatsoever but at the same time I think the "it's none of your business" is flawed because certainly people make observations every day. Certainly on this board they are.

It might not be what you would do, but what she does is none of your business.

my thoughts exactly zerotolerance and crowler.

yes people make observations all day every day of others, it is only here we voice them!