To find a SAHM with nanny a bit much?

[lill72]

I know a mum that has 2 DC. One is at school, one at nursery at least 3 mornings a week, with a nanny every afternoon. The nanny/housekeeper also does a few nights a week and then has a teacher on the weekend to do activities with as well as nanny one night. The mum spends hardly any time with the children, as she i never there when the nanny is, even though she is a SAHM.

Although some days I would love some more time on my own, I just find this amount of time away from your children is sort of odd, when you are able to spend it with them. Aren't these time precious?

By the way, I am not saying anything against working mums, only that if you have the chance/choice to be with your kids, shouldn't you make a bit more of it?

love to hear your thoughts?

Hard to believe but many people all over the world live different lives where it doesn't have to be a slog. Have slogged with not a minute to myself and then had full time help. Full time help was a lot of fun even if glad to let it go in the end.

Housewife Sex goddess?id rather have a career,pension and my disposable income

Pension? Check
Disposable income? Check
Career? Well I did for 16 years but now I do this.

Definately not a sex goddess though. Not with my back.

maybe she's a spy and has to PRETEND she's a SAHM and doesn't like spending time with her kids, when in fact she's off SPYING?!?!?

why has this turned into a SAHM/WOHM debate, yet again!

I thought the issue was why on earth this woman seems to have little to no inclination to spend any time with her DC

well anyhow thats what I am judging her on

could just as easily be a WOHM that does same shite

and who gives a shit if people have cleaners and nannies? I mean really

as I said upathread it reads a bit like she is emotionally neglecting her children

and she could be not. fuck knows

ksrwr

I've never had anyone looking after my dcs unless they were family, close friends or school. Tbh I wasn't over keen on the school bit but thought it better for social interaction rather than home schooling. I can't envisage the OP's friend's senario at all. I've only gone back to work now they're both in secondary school. At the school gates I witnessed many a CM or nanny who I wouldn't let look after my dog never mind child. Some were ok though. I suppose one advantage to the nanny/au pair is they live in your home so you can see how they are with your dcs and how they are generally. If it were my total choice I'd only have had my children looked after by those who love them. But that's my opinion and others have different opinions and lifestyle choices. I can't imagine or see the point of having dcs if the majority of childcare is done by another.

But when folk have money and enough of it it gives them all kinds of options to make life easier. Most folk in the UK can't really imagine a different way and that having lots of help is quite common in lots of countries.

I enjoyed a few years break from cleaning, laundry, cooking and someone to look after the kids now and then and had lots of fun. Finally some time to myself without a young child hanging on to my leg, walking round town waiting till they are asleep and trying to find a hairdresser that could take me before they woke up. Was like being on holiday for a few years.

I am a spy

freakin oh really, you can't imagine the point of having children if you use childcare? It's the norm in many other countries, and also this one if you are in the upper half of society. Have you seen that most of our leaders are from boarding school backgrounds?

I don't have the money for it, but I certainly wouldn't dismiss it. There seem to be a lot of people who grew up with nannies and boarding schools that are very successful in life. They can't all be miserable either, right?

freakin, do you ever think that maybe children might get bored of looking at the same face at home every day, the same toys, the same house?
i honestly think that children benefit from a nursery/school environment, they learn so much, they get input from other adults and children, from different backgrounds, and so many amazing experiences they just would never have if they were at home every day.
i always think of nursery as an experience i am lucky enough to give my daughter - not "childcare".

Good luck to her. I doubt OP has detailed knowledge of the woman's set up. My kids are in full time childcare. Probably isn't ideal but I am a FT WOHM. I tried the alternatives -part time wage or income support and we are only just financially afloat now. I'm off sick at the moment and am still using the childcare. I have to pay for it anyway as it is contracted not PAYG and I am at home supposed to be trying to get better.

Here OP a to go with your judgy-ness!

change

sorry to read you are off sick

why do you immediately assume that people are judging you? and feel a need to share your circumstances? I am genuinely curious?

OP has judged woman as she apparently has no inclination to see her kids, as (a) days and (b) evenings and (c) weekends are supported via paid childcare

Its not even comparable to someone that works, and pays someone to look after kids, to having a cleaner. Thats not the issue!!!

Pardon me for daring to mention my circumstances I mentioned them because it is entirely feasible that someone will think or say the same thing about me. You are not at work, ergo you should have your kids with you whenever they are not at school.

I doubt OP has the inside track on this woman's life or motivations. Perhaps this woman is a cold-hearted caah who doesn't love her children. Perhaps there is another explanation and OP should butt out. Perhaps women should stop be so fucking bitchy towards other women.

YABU. Her life, her choice. I am a SAHM to school age and love it. I don't have a cleaner etc but don't judge those who do.. I am totally happy with my life and SAH though and I think if you are happy with what you have you are less likely to slate people doing the opposite.

SM, what is wrong with enjoying 'precious moments' Some of us have been through hell having our DC and literally every minute is precious (however I still have a break from them at times! )

I think when you have been judged yourself because of choices you have made which you may feel are for the best for your circumstances, you are more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt.

We don't know she has no inclination to see her children. It may seem that way, just as a neighbour may see changeforthebetter off work but still sending children to childcare and judge it as selfishness.

Her life sound wonderful to me!

I would like-
A nanny
A cook
Two cleaners
A gardener
A personal trainer
And a beautician

All working full time.

Actually I might need two nannies...

itis entirely feasible that someone will think or say the same thing about me

I dont agree!!!

you dont have a nanny for most evenings and for weekends do you! Thats the point. he fact she has a nanny is a red herring. Its about the fact she never ever spends time with her kids

I never rarely judge anyone on their work/life set up.

bangs head on wall

and amazed how people feel judged!

Oh people judge, would love to have been a fly on the wall (maybe not) when we got full time help to do housework ect and help with the children.

I'm a bit taken aback at the "wage slave" reference. Lots of SAHM's take time off of their careers to stay at home with young children (say, 5-7 years) and then go back. Where is it written that these women have to spend 12 hours a day with babies and toddlers as some kind of "value proposition"?

I took time off of an interesting career to stay home with babies and that was never easy. My husband would not give a shit if I hired a nanny so I could go and converse with adults for lunch or have a manicure, why should he?

It's not like he found me on the floor of a pub, picked me up, brushed me off and rescued me.

morepotato- I find the idea that a man may want his wife to stay at home and hire a nanny/ housekeeper to look after their children and do their housework so that she can have the energy to give him sex on tap distasteful. Not sure why that is difficult to understand.

I meant insular as in people just looking after themselves and having no idea of the wider picture.

Obviously, everyone makes their own choices but I can understand why the OP may be puzzled that a 'SAHM' doesn't seem interested in spending time with her children. However, as I already said, we don't know the full circumstances.

Well this thread has really upset me. I have struggled with admitting I want DD to go to nursery two days a week.

I do not need to use childcare in a practical sense as I am not in paid employment, though I work very hard doing all the parenting and domestic side during the week as DH works v long hours. No family or anyone ever has my kids.

I had got the point of letting go a feelings of guilt and feeingl am I just palming her off because 'i must be lazy' or 'not cut out for it' then you read a thread like this - now I am questionning whether I should or not.

Everyones decisions are relative to their own situation which is of course is different for eveyr family.

Onelittletoddlerterror I said I can't imagine having children if the majority of childcare is done by another. My dcs went to tumble tots, I helped run baby and toddler groups, they went to Sunday school and all over with me alone or with us as a family. Meeting lots of new faces and making friends. That was our choice. I worked FT before having them and work FT now they're older.

I know lots of parents who don't enjoy parenting. Lots who are shit at it. I chose to be a parent and was ready for it. I also know people who are amazing parents. That's how it is. Life is full of all sorts of people.