To find a SAHM with nanny a bit much?

[lill72]

I know a mum that has 2 DC. One is at school, one at nursery at least 3 mornings a week, with a nanny every afternoon. The nanny/housekeeper also does a few nights a week and then has a teacher on the weekend to do activities with as well as nanny one night. The mum spends hardly any time with the children, as she i never there when the nanny is, even though she is a SAHM.

Although some days I would love some more time on my own, I just find this amount of time away from your children is sort of odd, when you are able to spend it with them. Aren't these time precious?

By the way, I am not saying anything against working mums, only that if you have the chance/choice to be with your kids, shouldn't you make a bit more of it?

love to hear your thoughts?

This is simply another Stone the SAHM thread and, as such, I am done with it.

Writer you seem to have a bit of an issue against SAHMs going by your posts on a few threads recently.

Just a little advice, how about wait until you actually have your baby and are then faced with the choices, conflicts and logistical difficulties that having small children entails before you nail your colours so firmly to the mast?

toffeesponge "why do you want to hear our thoughts? What will you do with them?"

Doesn't this question destroy the fundamental point on AIBU somewhat?!

Yes it is. It is exactly the same thing. It's just that it is OK to judge a SAHM for it but not a WOHM

You didn't actually read my post did you! Just did a gut reaction defensive thing.

24 hour childcare! I don't know any working parents who do that. Do you? I don't think that would be good for the kids either. They need to actually see their parents now and then.

I would have loved a nanny I think I am meant for staff Op it has eff all to do with you what help this mother had and if we could all afford it I am sure a lot of us would probably get a little help

Imagine the OP asked for 'our thoughts'...

fromparis have you just likened a SAHM having childcare to a child dying through abuse/neglect?

No, no no no! shit thats not what I meant

what I am trying to say (clunsily) is that the knee jerk reaction on MN always seems to be a unanimous "none of your business", and "dont judge"

and I think that actually, people looking out for children is not a bad thing, thats what I was trying to say

we all know that millions of well-off SAHMs have nannies, its no biggie. I would personally love a housekeeper.

I think working and using childcare is a very different situation to that as described by the OP. Especially once children understand why parents work.

I just can't imagine seeing a thread whereby someone says 'I hardly ever saw my parents when I was growing up and I am FINE'. Just seems unusual IMO. Working overseas, army etc is different and usually only involves 1 parent being away.

I imagine it's a bit like a boarding school argument rather than a WOHM or SAHM one.

Ali - of course I don't have issues with SAHMs - hence why I was considering being one. But, if I do choose to make that decision I won't be hiring a nanny to care for it 24 hours a day. I don't care if SAHP have nannies but I had always assumed they had them to help out with the housework so the SAHP could have their time spared to spend it with their children. That's why I was surprised at the set-up mentioned by the OP and the one of the family I have already talked about.

Here you go poster who is too defensive to step back and read objectively SoupDragon, I've reposted what i said earlier. Read it again and then tell me where i have bashed SAHMs

If a parent is not working and available to see their child, choosing not to all day every day and then also at nights AND weekends is concerning. Its not about her having a bit of time for herself (why shouldn't she after all) its about a parent who has their children in almost 24 hours childcare, all week, every week.

Where I live, nearly all families with more than one primary-aged DC have a nanny because the logistics of life are such that it is impossible to get your DC around and about without a second pair of hands.

What's better: for DC not to have any extra-curricular activities or for them to be ferried about by a nanny (or minded by a nanny while parent does ferrying)?

But then they would be a housekeeper, rather than a nanny, surely?

Walk a mile in someone's shoes before you judge.

I think this was a 'wind them up and watch them go thread'. No sign of OP who was so keen to hear our thoughts.

In the country I grew up in, being a SAHM and having nanny and other staff was completely the norm, and that is what my mother did. Looking back now I think she had a pretty cushy life (!) but at the time did not give it any thought. I saw plenty of my mother and she was very dedicated to all my extracurricular activities and to my school, but she did have something which I would kill for now: a nap between 2-4 every afternoon (as did my grandmother)!! I don't think I have had an afternoon nap in 30 years.

So- even if we assume the worst-case scenario, mum doesn't enjoy hands-on childcare or spending much time with her children, what is the most sensible option in this situation? It's for the children to spend time with a nanny/nannies, stable, loving carers, who do like being with them. The absolutely worst of all possible worlds is for the children to spend 16 hours a day with someone who hates SAH and is possibly depressed as a result.

from paris, I am an interventionist in everyday life life , I do look out for the children in my neighbourhood. But I don;t find that I have to nose into the whys and wherefores of my family's and neighbours' choices.

It's the speculation and jumping to negative conclusions that is unfair.

Ah SillyBilly I will look forward to seeing our comments in the Mail tomorrow

Put your buns down people.

Site is awash with pretend shite at the minute.

I never understand this debate. Why can't we all just support each other. Someone asked me the other day how I felt about another person raising my son while I am at work because I work full time? I asked her how that is different to what she is doing as both boys are in the same year 1 class and are at school all day . I asked her if she stood outside the class window all day. So silly

Ah looks like you are right SillyBilly, but my experience is that people do fall into the trap of being snidey about this stuff! Lets hope their lives stay perfect.

I've got a friend who is a SAHM who has a woman come in to help with the kids a few afternoons a week. It enables her to have one on one with each of the children. I think thats fine, great and dandy. Whatever works for them.

I am a SAHM who also works from home and haven't had a single bit of childcare because i can't afford it. I would love it and it would make things much easier for me and more pleasant for the dcs, assuming kids were happy and i found someone i really trusted. I think that would be fine to.

I also know plenty of people who work full time, kids go to school, childminders, nurseries etc. They spend their spare time with their children apart from the occasional nights out or hobbies or gym trips. Also great.

But, having 24 hour childcare for your kids is a different kettle of fish! I would be worried about those children as i can't imagine that being great for a child's emotional health.

That's just what people do when they can afford it, isn't it? I have a non-working friend who has 2 live in nannies and a housekeeper who comes during the day and had a night nanny for 4 months when she had her child. She has told me many times how she has never been on her own with her then 2 kids.

Since I had my baby, we haven't really spoken. It took her 2 months to contact me after I had my baby and that was only to ask if I was going to a party. When I reminded her that I had recently had a baby, she apologised for not having said congratulations but that I couldn't possibly know how busy she was with 2 children. I don't care about her live-in nannies but I do think it is a bit sad that she is so removed from the real world that a simple text or email saying congrats, or an afternoon with her 2 kids is so impossible.

The more people that are employed in this country the better.

I would never judge what anyone else does as you never know what else goes on in their lives.

I tend to agree that OP lit the touch paper and ran off!!!

Men never get this shit either. Always women finding reasons to put other women down. Do you think men stand at the water cooler and ask each other how they feel about another person looking after their children?

Stop doing this to each other. I you suspect abuse or neglect then report it but this internal dialogue/gossip/judging people get going in their own heads about other people really only eats away at your own positivity. Im starting to sound like a hippy now but seriously. The negativity only damages you. Mrs smith down the street wont be giving any headspace to what you think of her nanny.