AIBU regarding my teens relationship .

[kelziemumof3]

My daughter is 15 and has a long term boyfriend , they have been friends since primary and started dating at 12 ( childish stuff ) any way I know him very well and his parents and y daughter is very open with me about their relationship. I now let him stay over at out house and have taken her to the drs regarding the pill and we have very open conversations. anyway sunday morning I had my friend around and my daughters boyfriend came down in his pjs and she v clearly stated her opinions and made me feel like the worse mother in the world .. AIBU to let him stay at ours and vice versa.

Tbh with you OP, I don't really know what to say. On one hand I guess you know that your daughter is going to have sex anyways...but on the other I just can't get my head around any teen actually wanting to have sex whilst their parents are in the house or even the fact that you're okay with them having sex whilst you're there . Even now I wouldn't dream of having sex with my DH whilst my parents were in the house. Is it not awkward getting up in the morning to find your dd boyfriend there?

I'm torn on this. You seem to have taken responsibility by putting your dd on the pill and it's nice that you have such an honest and open relationship with her but are you sure she's ready? I know she came to you for advice but what if you'd turned around and said 'I think you're too young, it's best if you wait' rather than going along with her. She may well have actually been hoping you'd said something like that because she felt she wasn't ready but may have felt pressure to do it.

Then again, I lost my virginity when I was 15. I was ready and I didn't regret it then and I don't regret it now. I could have waited another three months until my 16th birthday but I wanted to do it then. Three extra months wouldn't have suddenly magically made me more mature. I'm glad I did it when I did. So she may well be like me, feel ready and hopefully won't have any regrets.

Also, to whoever said I would change her contraception to something other than the pill, I completely agree. I would change it to something more reliable, like the implant. With the pill it's so easy not to take it properly, forget to take, take it at the wrong time, vomit it back up...whereas with the implant once it's in it's in for three years and you don't have to worry about contraception for that time.

Birth control failure rates

The pill has the highest failure rate, the implant has the lowest. You'd want to go for the most effective you could I'd imagine, assuming you don't want to be a grandmother yet

Does your friend have the whole story OP? Maybe she doesn't and was just concerned. She really should have kept her opinion to herself though.

so lots of us ( me included ) were having unprotected/safe sex at 15 with one or more boys in cars/fields etc. our parents didn't know.

the ops dd is 15. she has been in a relationship for 3 years. she talked to her mum about sex and her mum listened, took her to the doctor and so she has safe, loving sex in a safe environment.

mmmmm and the op is the bad mother here?

total hypocrisy and failure to look facts in the face so it's I don't care/ don't want to know what my teen dd is up to as I am sure she isn't having sex ( unlike we were) as she's a good girl with good grades and a high achiever.

Who said the OP was a bad mother?

I don't think yabu ( although were having issues now ) me and oh have been together 14 years since the age of 13. had first ds @ 15 but we didn't have safe homes or anything like that ! .... we first did the deed in my granddads tractor :/ lool

this thread has 10 pages and I have followed it from the start.

many posters have called the op a bad mother. read the whole thread.

wasn't suggesting you latest lot were.

Can he do a spell to finish decorating my hall way?

Its not something i would encourage they are in an adult relationship at 15 its quite a bit of pressure however its not something i would comment on its your child but do be careful if they split up you might be more upset than they are

Ach zombie thread

MrsJayy, this thread is 2 years old. It was reopened by a spammer.

Yip and i commented on it 2 years ago i am a tool going to hide it

Rather in a loving relationship at 15 than a one night stand at 21.

I think 15 is quite young to be sexually active, but in the grand scheme of things, having sex at 15 in a respectful relationship isn't really a bad thing!

Oh I didn't see the zombie warning?

Wow, they are so young. And with younger children in the house. Sorry OP, I feel a bit icky about it too. I'm a bit surprised at myself though, as I never thought I was prudish! My parents wouldn't have allowed this (and they were incredibly easygoing), and I think it's difficult as adults to shake off the values that were imposed on us (by our parents) in our past.

The bit that stood out for me was the daughter coming to the OP, stating they'd got themselves into a situation where they'd nearly had sex and come to discuss it with her mother and they've agreed a strategy on how to be safe. That to me shows at least SOME level of maturity.

I can't say what I would do - my DD is only 9. BUT I do think the OP has handled this in a way that is to be commended actually.

My mum put me on the pill when I was 13 under the guise of it would help with my horrendous periods, which I later found out was actually just an excuse, she just wanted to make sure I was protected!

In reality I didn't have sex till I was 16, but lot's of my friends WERE having sex at 13 on bloody benches outside the local disco! Ergh!

I agree with you OP. It's not ideal that she's having sex at 15, but it's also really common and the fact that she felt she could tell you about it is amazing and means you've done an amazing job as a parent.

Faced with the reality of her telling you that, I don't really see what else you could have done.

Oh sorry! Didn't see the zombie alert either!

I had her v young and wanted to make sure they were safe and under my roof is where they are most safe
Yes both those things are important in your decision-making. But you are condoning them as they break the law. Yet, since they were doing that anyway...
Difficult. I don't have a clear answer. They had already chosen to have sex, you're only helping them be safe. That's the main thing, I think.

Oh dear.