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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be fuming my husband gave away my only highheeled shoes?

295 replies

dulwichparkrunner · 04/11/2013 11:56

I keep being overwhelmed with fury, probably out of all proportion but AIBU to be seriously peeved about the following scenario in which my DH gave away my only pair of high-heeled shoes to the teenage daughter of our dear friends. Which I now have to replace - because I now have nothing to wear for work events/formal events.

What happened was this – I worked late on Friday night. On my way home, DH rang to say our friends and their two daughters had already arrived our house and said, “You know the Prada shoes that you never wear? Where are they?” I said, “Look they are in my wardrobe, but don’t go dragging stuff out, wait till I get home and I’ll look them out.”

I was too tired to ask why he was asking me about shoes - but assumed he meant the pair of shoes that DH bought me years ago that I never wear are (slip-on flat ones) that were always too wide for my feet, so I would be happy to give them away if anyone wanted them, which I guessed was probably what this call was about.

Anyway, I get home to find that DH has found the shoes himself – and worse still he's been talking about an entirely different pair of shoes, they are the high heel, peep toe, sexy shoes that I do wear when I have weddings or any formal event eg work event where I need decent shoes. They are the only high heel shoes I own and were also a gift from DH. And they are Prada - I don't typically own designer label things so I was stupidly quite pleased to own them!

DH had given them to the teenage daughter – aged 16 because she’s going to a dance. Not loaned, given. It was done. I just was so stunned, I said nothing. Obviously, in hindsight, I should have said, “There’s been a terrible misunderstanding” etc etc. But because this family are under financial pressures, because DH had already given them, because I was tired, the girl was delighted. I just couldn’t say anything.

I keep being overwhelmed with fury about this. The first opportunity I had to hiss at DH he said, “but you don’t wear them” and “when you do wear them you say they are uncomfortable”. I had to drag a not very convincing apology out of him, so I am still angry about it.

The nice part of me thinks, for goodness sake, get over what is only a pair of shoes, I can afford to buy a new pair, it's made the 16-year old happy, this is a very spoilt ' first world' issue.

The other part feels peeved at my DH giving away my stuff without asking and irritated that his generous gesture means I have to rebuy the shoes. (my DH doesn't earn much right now, so I will be buying the replacements). I guess the biggest part of my irritation is the lack of contrition from my DH. He literally doesn't understand why I am so furious. So AIBU?

OP posts:
SayCoolNowSayWhip · 04/11/2013 19:38

Haha at OP's DH's underpants given the same value as Prada shoes Grin

BrianTheMole · 04/11/2013 19:43

I would tell him to go and get them back. He can either buy the girl a replacement pair, or give you back the £400. There is no way I would put up with that.

QuintesKabooom · 04/11/2013 19:44

If friends are not very well off, they may not recognize the shoes as Prada. And even if they do, may not realize the value of Prada, and most certainly not the value of Prada shoes?

jessieagain · 04/11/2013 19:44

Also don't feel guilty about the girl.

She is 16 she can easily buy a pair of cheap shoes to wear. She doesn't deserve your shoes.

I don't understand why her mum didn't double check with you. I would also be annoyed at her mum if I was you. Does the mum think you are very well off and have loads of designer footwear to just give away? Hmm Hmm If so I would extremely irritated by her attitude and entitlement Angry

HauntedFlyingNaanBread · 04/11/2013 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PukingCat · 04/11/2013 19:47

I wouldn't recognise expensive shoes like that having never even seen any

Littlegreyauditor · 04/11/2013 19:51

My God DH would be in a pointy place if he ever did this. You do not touch shoes, particularly not my shoes, never mind give them away to some eyelash batting ingénue (and my budget does not extend to anything even close to Prada).

I just asked DH if he would do this and he made a kind of strangled snort, that of a man picturing his testicles being made into fancy earrings.
YA so very definitely NBU.

specialsubject · 04/11/2013 19:54

bit of a mess up, granted - he should definitely have checked that you didn't want them.

but as the shoes hurt, so you don't wear them, they are useless objects. Why buy another pair of the same crap shoes?

get him to buy you some smart shoes that don't hurt.

doesn't seem worth this level of drama.

whois · 04/11/2013 19:55

Ring the family and tell them your DH is a twat/made a mistake (whichever you feel like saying!) and explain you need the shoes back. The girl can go and get some nice looking shoes for £20 from New Look or something for her dance.

FFS your DH has been a total tool about this.

Lweji · 04/11/2013 19:58

If he has an iPhone, iPad or similar gadget, you should hold it hostage until he apologises buys you two pairs of Prada shoes.

katiemarnie · 04/11/2013 19:58

YANBU.
However, my DP would not only have no idea where my shoes were in the house. He would also be the one ringing/asking me to find out where his own shoes were - even if he was the one at home. (Sadly, so true)

I am the mistress of all lost items.

LordPalmerston · 04/11/2013 20:00

enjoy?
hmm - no, merely point out

LongTailedTit · 04/11/2013 20:08

specialsubject The OP does wear them, to every event that requires smart dress. No doubt her DHs comment about them hurting is the usual whinge a lot of us do at the end of an event eg "my feet are killing me" etc, doesn't mean we don't like our shoes, just that they're not brilliantly comfy!

OneUp · 04/11/2013 20:09

I would be absolutely LIVID if my DP took it into his head to give someone one of MY belongings no matter what it was. My things belong to me and I'm the one who gets to choose if they're given away or not.

YANBU! In fact YAB Very Very R considering.

totallybitching · 04/11/2013 21:19

Yanbu!!! Pretend you've given something similar of his away and see how he reacts!

fibrecruncher · 04/11/2013 21:46

He owes you a new pair of shoes and matching handbag to cover the emotional damage. Simple.

foreverondiet · 04/11/2013 21:50

Tell dh that unless he buys you a compatible replacement you will ask the girl for them back as he had no right to give them away. I think that in these circa totally reasonable to ask for them back.

YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka · 04/11/2013 21:51

YANBU. Yes it's not exactly life or death, but regardless of what he gave away and how much it was worth, the fact remains that he gave away your property without asking first. He should apologise for that at least.

2rebecca · 04/11/2013 21:53

I would still ask for them back and explain that they are your shoes and your husband didn't ask you if he could give them away.
If they are friends then surely they'd understand. if a friend's husband gave her shoes to my daughter without her permission i'd like to think she would ask for them back rather than feel upset. The child may outgrow them anyway.
I'd be worried about the husband who treated my shoes as his property to dispose of at whim though. Next time your feet hurt keep it to yourself.

ChasedByBees · 04/11/2013 21:57

Bloody hell I'd be beyond furious.

lifesgreatquestions · 04/11/2013 22:01

Give a young man I his best article of clothing saying, "I hope that's ok, you always said you felt awkward in it".

MatryoshkaDoll · 04/11/2013 22:01

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissBeehiving · 04/11/2013 22:07

HE GAVE AWAY YOUR PRADA SHOES!!!

Lweji · 04/11/2013 22:10

You know what they say, that you don't know a person until you walk in her shoes?

I'd be tempted to nip in to the cheapest shoe store around and buy the highest heels in OH's size and make him walk around the house for at least an hour.
And he should still be wearing them while he fetches your shoes or buys new ones from Prada.

BogStandardOldWoman · 04/11/2013 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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