AIBU to be fuming my husband gave away my only highheeled shoes?

[dulwichparkrunner]

I keep being overwhelmed with fury, probably out of all proportion but AIBU to be seriously peeved about the following scenario in which my DH gave away my only pair of high-heeled shoes to the teenage daughter of our dear friends. Which I now have to replace - because I now have nothing to wear for work events/formal events.

What happened was this – I worked late on Friday night. On my way home, DH rang to say our friends and their two daughters had already arrived our house and said, “You know the Prada shoes that you never wear? Where are they?” I said, “Look they are in my wardrobe, but don’t go dragging stuff out, wait till I get home and I’ll look them out.”

I was too tired to ask why he was asking me about shoes - but assumed he meant the pair of shoes that DH bought me years ago that I never wear are (slip-on flat ones) that were always too wide for my feet, so I would be happy to give them away if anyone wanted them, which I guessed was probably what this call was about.

Anyway, I get home to find that DH has found the shoes himself – and worse still he's been talking about an entirely different pair of shoes, they are the high heel, peep toe, sexy shoes that I do wear when I have weddings or any formal event eg work event where I need decent shoes. They are the only high heel shoes I own and were also a gift from DH. And they are Prada - I don't typically own designer label things so I was stupidly quite pleased to own them!

DH had given them to the teenage daughter – aged 16 because she’s going to a dance. Not loaned, given. It was done. I just was so stunned, I said nothing. Obviously, in hindsight, I should have said, “There’s been a terrible misunderstanding” etc etc. But because this family are under financial pressures, because DH had already given them, because I was tired, the girl was delighted. I just couldn’t say anything.

I keep being overwhelmed with fury about this. The first opportunity I had to hiss at DH he said, “but you don’t wear them” and “when you do wear them you say they are uncomfortable”. I had to drag a not very convincing apology out of him, so I am still angry about it.

The nice part of me thinks, for goodness sake, get over what is only a pair of shoes, I can afford to buy a new pair, it's made the 16-year old happy, this is a very spoilt ' first world' issue.

The other part feels peeved at my DH giving away my stuff without asking and irritated that his generous gesture means I have to rebuy the shoes. (my DH doesn't earn much right now, so I will be buying the replacements). I guess the biggest part of my irritation is the lack of contrition from my DH. He literally doesn't understand why I am so furious. So AIBU?

I'd be incadescent with rage. He would have to go to the inconvenience and embarrasement of getting them back. (My feet are incredibly awkward and I can go years between finding comfortable shoes, let alone ones that are attractive, so replacing them would not be a small matter, although making him endure every shop that sold shoes in town while I reject every single pair for having the comfort of a cheese grater would hit him nicely where it hurts).

Has he got something of value like a bike?

Give it away on Gumtree, after all he's not using it and you really don't need his permission.

What an utter twat!

Glad my dh wouldn't go near my shoes or clothes, he wouldn't know where to start.

Gosh your husband is a doofus but I wouldn't borrow designer shoes from anyone now, let alone when I was 16. If I had, in a moment of madness, my mother would have bounced me back to the lender's house in a heartbeat.

tbh he needs to think a bit about how it looks
no one wants to be the sad middle aged man with a crush

that aside, it is awful to give away your stuff and even worse that it is expensive and your only pair

yes, give away his car/bike/phone

Sheesh OP, you were being a bit foolish brave to send this thread to your DH, weren't you?

And so you're willing to forgo the £500 shoes..... I would still get your DH to ring and explain. I can understand why you don't want to yourself, as you had to come home to have it presented as a fair accompli, and you would have looked churlish to say then and there 'Fuck off, step away from my Pradas'. But what are you going to do about your shoelessness? That's the real issue!

So, he bought some shoes, his wife never wears them and a friends' daughter had need. Maybe they didn't cost £500, maybe they were a bargain. That's almost by the by really.

However
a) he shouldn't have given them away without checking
b) the suggestions that he's some kind of Humbert Humbertson figure are below the belt
c) if the OP shares the shoe fixation some posters have here, why does she have only one pair of dressy ones? Does he make a habit of grand gestures (to whomever) whilst his wife makes do, in a let them eat (Prada) cake kinda way?

What a very strange thing to do It is positively weird

I would ask for them back. You could offer some money to the girl so she can buy another pair. (£20 or £30 would be very generous)

It's not a big problem and I am sure if you offered something as a way of apology the family and girl wouldn't mind a bit.

Sounds like he has a crush on a 16 yr old, otherwise, inexplicable!

It is very very weird.

Yanbu at all to be upset.

He wanted to look generous and cool to a 16 yr old, whilst not giving a f"ck about your feelings. Nice guy. Not.

Just to add that it was unforgivable to give your stuff away.

But she does wear them. To every formal event she goes to.

Or, at least, she did.

To be honest, unless your friends live under a fucking rock, they should have known that they should not accept a pair of £500 shoes for a teenager (unless they were in poor condition or you are all minted).

I would be absolutely seething with rage if my DP did that.

It absolutely is about the money as well as the disrespect. Rightly or wrong Prada shoes cost what they cost, so assuming they were in good condition, your DP has given away £500 that he isn't in a position to replace.

Would the just shoes contingent be okay with a DP giving away a £500 necklace bought as a gift. Not on and disrespectful, but I think your friends should not have accepted the gift.

If I was the girl' smother, I'd be double checking it was okay! No way would DH give any of my shoes away, even the crappy ones. He knows how much Prada shoes cost anyway.

Yanbu and I'd get them back before the dance, they'll be ruined.

I can understand you're angry but fury is excessive. Have a cuppa sit down is it worth getting furious over material goods? Think of it like moi, this is an opportunity for you to spend your husbands money on a new pair of designer shoes from the new autumn and winter collection ;)

My husband gave away these 24k gold plated hand bracelets with a long fixture that runs across the back of the hand to a ring. They looked like real asian gold. I remember getting them in my twenties as a student. I loved them and at 70 quid that wasn't cheap for a student and too expensive to give to a 10 year old niece. I was upset but got over it.

OP?
Op's dh, who has been sent the thread?
Nope. Didn't think so.

Its not about material goods, its about theft and being a cunt!

He also by the sounds of it can't afford to replace them.

Sounds like your dh is just as bad mumsday! Who knew there were so many people who gave away other peoples processions!

Prada shoes have been getting more and more expensive - more like £550 for the type OP described now.

I think the fancying thing is probably a red herring. He absolutely should get them back though.

I'd be fuming too OP, he took without asking and decided you could give up your things on his say so. How would he like it if you took something of his that costs a fair bit, gave it away and then shrugged off the action without a real apology.

He'd be fuming. He's very unreasonable and I hope he reads the thread, sucks it up and gets them back but more importantly apologises for being a giant arse.

Middle Aged man giving teenage girl shoes ? Bloody weird

Do people actively enjoy declaring that posters' husbands are clearly dirty old men?

no, I don't enjoy that.

You should give all his shoes and underpants away. See how her likes it!

Yanbu!!

I would be furious!

Of course you can go and ask for them back! I dont understand why you wouldnt?
They will understand. They were not your dhs to give!