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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be fuming my husband gave away my only highheeled shoes?

295 replies

dulwichparkrunner · 04/11/2013 11:56

I keep being overwhelmed with fury, probably out of all proportion but AIBU to be seriously peeved about the following scenario in which my DH gave away my only pair of high-heeled shoes to the teenage daughter of our dear friends. Which I now have to replace - because I now have nothing to wear for work events/formal events.

What happened was this – I worked late on Friday night. On my way home, DH rang to say our friends and their two daughters had already arrived our house and said, “You know the Prada shoes that you never wear? Where are they?” I said, “Look they are in my wardrobe, but don’t go dragging stuff out, wait till I get home and I’ll look them out.”

I was too tired to ask why he was asking me about shoes - but assumed he meant the pair of shoes that DH bought me years ago that I never wear are (slip-on flat ones) that were always too wide for my feet, so I would be happy to give them away if anyone wanted them, which I guessed was probably what this call was about.

Anyway, I get home to find that DH has found the shoes himself – and worse still he's been talking about an entirely different pair of shoes, they are the high heel, peep toe, sexy shoes that I do wear when I have weddings or any formal event eg work event where I need decent shoes. They are the only high heel shoes I own and were also a gift from DH. And they are Prada - I don't typically own designer label things so I was stupidly quite pleased to own them!

DH had given them to the teenage daughter – aged 16 because she’s going to a dance. Not loaned, given. It was done. I just was so stunned, I said nothing. Obviously, in hindsight, I should have said, “There’s been a terrible misunderstanding” etc etc. But because this family are under financial pressures, because DH had already given them, because I was tired, the girl was delighted. I just couldn’t say anything.

I keep being overwhelmed with fury about this. The first opportunity I had to hiss at DH he said, “but you don’t wear them” and “when you do wear them you say they are uncomfortable”. I had to drag a not very convincing apology out of him, so I am still angry about it.

The nice part of me thinks, for goodness sake, get over what is only a pair of shoes, I can afford to buy a new pair, it's made the 16-year old happy, this is a very spoilt ' first world' issue.

The other part feels peeved at my DH giving away my stuff without asking and irritated that his generous gesture means I have to rebuy the shoes. (my DH doesn't earn much right now, so I will be buying the replacements). I guess the biggest part of my irritation is the lack of contrition from my DH. He literally doesn't understand why I am so furious. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Preciousbane · 04/11/2013 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RevelsRoulette · 04/11/2013 16:59

Why not just contact the parents and say look, I'm sorry but there's been a gigantic cock up. My husband has given X my £xxxxxx designer shoes. He didn't realise that's what they were. She can borrow them for the party but I am going to have to have them back after that. I am sure you understand that I can't give away shoes that cost hundreds of pounds.

It's just so easy to solve. Don't worry about it. Just be assertive and make sure they know now that you want them back.

dulwichparkrunner · 04/11/2013 17:00

Thank you for all the comments, which has given me a better perspective. I have just sent my DH this thread to read. (I am now wondering if that's a mistake, but there we are)

I can live without the shoes (they are only shoes, expensive or not) and I actually don't want to upset the girl or her parents who were very pleased to accept the shoes and thanked us warmly.

It's more an apology and an acknowlegement that he's in the wrong I guess I'm after, even if it's to say he just got carried away. He is a generous person and a kind, attentive husband. Just he's clearly not very good at apologising when he's in the wrong. And I am clearly not very good at being the bigger person. Sigh.

Anyway, thank you and hope I get a nice reception when I get home (as opposed to fury that I've posted this.....!).

OP posts:
MrsOakenshield · 04/11/2013 17:00

I think I would be pretty suspicious if a grown man gave my daughter a pair of his wife's £400 Prada shoes; at the very least I think I would check to see that his wife was happy with this arrangement!

diddl · 04/11/2013 17:01

"aw, don't be furious with your DH. He made a mistake out of an act of kindness."

Really??

Aw, bwess the little man!!

He had no reason to be even looking for shoes for the girl, let alone giving her a pair of his wifes!

MrsOakenshield · 04/11/2013 17:03

'her parents who were very pleased to accept the shoes and thanked us warmly. ' They didn't thank you warmly, though, did they - you weren't there. Not excusing your DH but I am astonished that anyone would accept a gift of someone else's very expensive possessions without hearing from the owner themself.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 04/11/2013 17:04

The op has an expensive pair (one pair, her only pair) of shoes. Probably worth the money as they will years and only get used for best.

Its nit "first world problems" to Be upset to find out something she cared about has just been given to a teenager with out her permission.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 04/11/2013 17:08

voice an act of kindness would be giving away his possessions.

What he did was technically an act of stealing and disrespectful to his wife because he didn't even ask her permission

diddl · 04/11/2013 17:09

So you don't really care about the shoes, don't want to upset the girl or parents, just want your husband to say that he shouldn't have done it?

Well he's hardly likely to in those circs, is he?

PukingCat · 04/11/2013 17:11

He gave away your only pair of heeled shoes?!

And they were Prada?!

And they cost 400ish quid?!

And they were the only shoes you have to wear to smart occasions?!

And he doesn't understand why this is a problem?!

Is he low on intelligence?

When do you next need heeled shoes? Christmas party? Then he needs to save up fast or sell something of his of value to replace them.

What sort of idiot gives away other peoples processions? Especially such expensive ones that you only have the one of and your obviously going to have to replace really soon.

What a moron.

Does he also not realise that giving such an excessively expensive gift to a young girl looks suspicious?

Twat.

digerd · 04/11/2013 17:12

He wouldn't even know how much they cost, I bet, or remember her wearing them only at weddings,
I still don't understand the 16 year-old's mum. Did they deliberately go there when you weren't there to borrow those shoes from DH, knowing he is such a generous person - a pushover?
If so, that was very underhand.
And how did she know your shoe size is the same as her daughter's?Hmm

VoiceofRaisin · 04/11/2013 17:12

Nobody laughed at my joke

PS "stealing": don't be daft. No mens rea. Any fule knows that Wink

PukingCat · 04/11/2013 17:12

Jesus. Id be gutted if my dh gave away my 15 quid smart shoes!

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 04/11/2013 17:13

Why does it look suspicious.

He give this girl a pair of shoes in front of her parents. Who are good friends with the OP and DH.

diddl · 04/11/2013 17:14

I thought that her husband had bought them?

Anyway OP, how did it all come about?

waltermittymissus · 04/11/2013 17:22

Hang on a fucking minute!

He went to your wardrobe, took out your Prada (Prada!) shoes and gave them to a 16 year old girl??

Why? If you were on your way home anyway, why would he do that?

It's fucking weird. It's not kind. It's weird.

She shouldn't have accepted them and her parents should be ashamed of themselves.

FairPhyllis · 04/11/2013 17:29

I totally agree with the 'he was trying to impress a teenage girl by being generous with someone else's possessions' posts.

hackmum · 04/11/2013 17:37

OP, you must come back and tell us the original conversation that your DH had with this girl's parents that led to him giving her your expensive high-heels. That's what we're all desperate to know. Oh, and how much he paid for the shoes in the first place.

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 04/11/2013 17:38

Nobody laughed at my joke

Oh if you were doing irony, you'll have to be much more explicit.. I haven't slept for the past three years much lately

comedycentral · 04/11/2013 17:44

I would not be happy if a grown man gave my teenage daugher a pair of his wife's expensive high heeled shoes....Hmm

DontGiveAwayTheHomeworld · 04/11/2013 17:47

Make him get those shoes back. Right now. I'd be fucking livid!

DP doesn't dare touch my shoes during a clear out. I'm scarily possessive of my multiple pairs of high heels.

DameDeepRedBetty · 04/11/2013 17:51

Anyone other than me getting an ad for high heeled shoes popping up on the right hand side of this thread? Grin

garlicbutter · 04/11/2013 17:53

He went to your wardrobe, took out your Prada (Prada!) shoes and gave them to a 16 year old girl?? It's fucking weird. It's not kind. It's weird.

Yup! Really, very weird.

Does DH have some sort of emotional dysfunction? Is he always giving stuff away - the family car, your holiday fund, cooking implements, the clothes off his back?

Or just very sexy, very expensive shoes to impress a teenage girl? Hmm

garlicbutter · 04/11/2013 17:55

Betty, I get them all over the interwebs Grin I make sure my ad feeds are all about fashion & holidays, it cheers me up!

waltermittymissus · 04/11/2013 17:56

Betty Grin

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