Just got DP's opinion on Rape - not impressed AIBU

[wurzelmini]

Must admit, have had a few glasses of wine so i'm really not sure if I am BU or not. Was having a conversation with 'dp' about his families religion (Jehovah's) and asking what I would be allowed to wear to a meeting as he had expressed an interest in going to one after many years of not going.
I am not religious but was quite interested in their views on how women dressed and he said I shouldn't expose certain areas as they wouldn't like it.

The conversation then got on to how women dressed when out on an evening and I said it wouldn't make any difference if identical twins walked down the same street at night one in jeans, one in a mini skirt, if a rapist was in the area they would take either regardless of how they were dressed - we have now disagreed as he believes a rapist would not attack a woman in jeans!!

Am really annoyed at his opinion but am really not sure if IAIBU???

Thanks for trying cjel, but I still don't get it. I'm not trying to be obtuse, I've just never heard this saying. So a woman's body is like a precious commodity to be kept special for a certain man??

You're not alone Vivacia. I don't get it either, it's a vile phrase.

I agree lisad

I had this conversation recently on a website in Qatar about a girl who was killed. Apparently teachers should not go to nightclubs and speak to men because if the man does something it isn't his fault. There were a hardcore of men from one culture who not only believed that but also condoned a killing of a Saudi wife because it "is a woman's responsibility to maintain the equilibrium" of the family.
Words fail me. Even here, women are in high powered jobs and in fact my boss and her boss are women. We also have sheikhs mohza, the greatest advocate for women outside of Europe. These men are not Arabs by the way.

Sorry, Sheikha Mozah.

Vivacia either interpretation is vile although I took it the same way you did.

Thanks for commenting on it. I was lost for words at grandmother's
pithy vile saying.

OP are you okay today?

Thats Ok Vivacia, I don't think its a case of keeping it for a special man, more that its its something special for a woman to decide what she wants to do with, I think it isn't a vile saying its a really lovely saying about how a woman has complete control over her body and is to cherish it, I think thats a positive thing?

I don't think that's what the saying sounds like though cjel. Can you see how it might sound as though it's saying that a woman's body is like produce in a shop window?

Vivacia - The saying from the gran about the shop window isn't what you think ! It means that the womans body is very special and that a bloke has to be really special to be allowed to see it. It is a special part of a woman and is to be treasured.

But if she allows anyone non-special to see it, then she's fair game to be raped - is the logical extension of that 'rationalisation'.

Just.
Wow.

Also my body isn't very special - it's just mine.

Oh yes I can see that but I can remember my gran explaining it to me differently and it was 'of the time' and meant for girls 'with that sort of reputation'

I give up!

(No I haven't given up yet). So, if it's of it's time and gives the impression that there girls (do you mean women?) with a certain reputation, do you think it's outdated language now and isn't helpful?

Tondelayo - No the saying has nothing to do with being raped it. Its all about valuing yourself and not sleeping around when you don't really want to. I can't see anything wrong with that message? It has nothing to do with rape!!

It's the same as 'why would he buy the cow if he can have the milk for free'.

Misogynistic crap.

But I could value myself and want to have casual sex. That doesn't mean I'm any less a good person.

If the saying isn't about rape, then why is someone posting it on a thread about rape - as a piece of advice to women how they should behave to avoid rape? (I realise you weren't the person who posted it)

Also, I know many highly respectable and women with huge self-esteem who have 'slept around' - so I don't agree with the intent of the saying whether it's about that or not.

It's just another way of victim blaming.

and

As I said its about a woman valuing herself. I don't know why people post things I also slept with who I wanted, it is nothing to do with victim blaming and everything to do with a woman being able to value herself enough so she isn't in a position where she is a victim. It is very empowering, there are girls/women who do dress provocatively because there self esteem is so low they think any attention is better than none. the explanation I was given for this saying was to try and show women they didn't have to do that.

everything to do with a woman being able to value herself enough so she isn't in a position where she is a victim

I am interested in this. How do I value myself so that I don't become a victim of rape?

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RAPE!!!!

a woman being able to value herself enough so she isn't in a position where she is a victim

So, when a woman is attacked, it's because she didn't value herself enough? How does that work, then? Did a little conversation about her value take place, just before her best friend's husband / her uncle / a stranger clamped his hand round her throat and forced her into a corner?

Read what I've written.....

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH RAPE!!!!

I'll rephrase my question, "How do I value myself to stop myself being a victim of Something?".

I agree, there are girls/women who do dress provocatively because their self esteem is so low they think any attention is better than none.

I suspect they draw the line of "attention" well before they get raped or molested, cjel. A woman is entitled to draw attention, if she wants it.

Low self-esteem has never been correlated to assault. Most 'sex' attackers are motivated by hatred of women. They're more likely to hate confident women, tbh.