To think that if you see an older child (7) having what appears to be a full scale temper tantrum

[Sparklysilversequins]

Screaming and hitting her mother in the supermarket it would be common sense to assume that child may have SN and not stop and stare, shake your head or mutter?

No aggression here, but is that what you would assume?

Big meltdown in Tesco with dd today. She has autism. It's Halloween, too many sweets, excited, change of routine as not in school this week, so many contributory factors.

I HAD to get our shopping, we'd run out of everything, it had to be done so I couldn't leave. She got quite distressed, very quickly. I managed to calm her in the end by letting her walk round glued to me with her head inside my coat, all good.

But the looks! The head shakes, people openly staring at us as we walked up the aisle, not even pretending to look elsewhere. In the end I must have said "she has autism, no need to stare" about 10 times!

If you see this, please assume that's what's going on and not stare at us. It's so hard to deal with anyway. Thanks .

I think is normal human reaction to turn toward anyone who is screaming/crying/whatever. To be oblivious to anothers' distress is far more inhuman than to look over.
Open-mouthed gawping, tutting, etc is appalling behaviour. But some of it will be people looking over as a near-reflex and checking out the situation, coupled with your (understandable) feelings.

Though when you have children EVERYONE has an opinion. I was 8 mnths pg in Tesco, buying the ingredients for a BIG last-minute unexpected meal with friends, which included (shock! Horror!) some wine. I was lectured by someone for BUYING wine whilst pregnant. It was the most useful lecture anyone ever gave me - it made me realise that there's no point in worrying about other peoples opinions. I doubt they'd've lectured a pregnant woman waiting for a methodone 'script

It's so difficult, because on the one hand, parents explaining to those around them that their child has SN is a great way to educate the general public about what that can look like, but on the other, it's probably the LAST thing any parent wants to be doing when dealing with a meltdown. It is a shame that those who are in the best position to help make people aware of the many faces of ASD etc are also in the worst position when it comes to dealing with their children AND the lack of understanding amongst those around them. Plus I can completely understand the feeling of 'why SHOULD I have to explain anything to anyone' which is perfectly reasonable as well - your children don't need 'explaining' to anyone and you all have every right to privacy too. I wish there was a simple solution and I hope that my efforts to show solidarity in situations like this at least don't make things worse for parents facing these kind of challenges, even if I don't actually help much!

My son doesn't have additional needs of any sort as far as I am aware he's just a little monkey! So whilst I can't empathise with you on the special needs aspect I can with the staring!

I think the only time I would judge is if a parent either did nothing at all whilst the child trashed a shop or something or started swearing and screaming at them. It sounds like you handled the situation really well.