To resent my DH expecting me to take ANY job

[purplepompoms]

We have 2 DCs and for the last year or so I've worked very part-time hours so that we didn't have to pay for childcare. This worked well while my youngest DD was at home but now she's started school, I would like a job that was more rewarding and more hours. I currently work in a university (non-academic role) and would like to find another job in a university that was preferably 3 or 4 days a week or full time if I really couldn't get part-time. The trouble is there are very few jobs in the sector and my DH is getting impatient with me restricting my job search and thinks I should look more widely. I understand that he has been the main breadwinner for the past 4 years and wants me to contribute more financially. However he works in a job he loves in the field of his choosing and I think he should give me the time to find something I too will enjoy doing if I'm going to be working virtually full time. My current job is OK for a part-time role but would be really unrewarding if I had to do it full-time and has little room for progression. Before having children I worked in a different area in more senior roles and earned a similar amount to my DH but there was no possibility of him going P/T and I was happy to take p/t less fulfilling roles while the children were small. Anyway, AIBU to expect him to give me up to a year to find a satisfying job?

Many people have to take a job they don't particularly like so that they can pay the bills so I think YABU.

If you can carry on working part time and doing voluntary work so you can get a better job, that sounds OK. If you think it will take a long time, up to a year, maybe just plan it out and explain it to DP. A year isn't such a long time as long as you can keep earning.

The thing about a second job (I did freelance/ contract work for a year) is that it is taxed more highly and after childcare costs, didn't bring home very much to make it worthwhile. Adding the stress of have 2+ employers with their demands.

I think op should be actively searching for more hours and (if appropriate) studying to improve her skills/qualifications, OU has academic courses which might suit or try through current employer.

It's not just about extra money whilst in a relationship. There's also the factor of keeping working so you are not totally fucked if the relationship breaks down.

Oh - I am not sure - I am also on 25k pro rata but earn about £12k/year depending on shift allowances. I also had an admin job £7k/ year so I was well over that threshold. found second job was not worth the extra hassle in the end. ditto the self employed income.

So a second job may be worthwhile in op's case - but she will have to be careful which makes finding a second job even more tricky...

I think it is a very difficult situation to be in. However, you have to be realistic about what you can achieve. I would say asking for a year to try and get into your ideal sector is relatively reasonable. However, if you are only finding 3 jobs to apply to over 2 months, does this translate to only finding 18 jobs to apply to over that year? At the end of the year, what would you do? You have quite specific requirements in terms of the job you want- have you talked to someone in your current career about how realistic it would be to achieve this?

I can totally understand why you feel resentful of your husband. However, I can also understand his point of view. It must be quite stressful for him knowing that the whole family is totally reliant on his income. What would happen if he was made redundant or had an accident and was off sick for a long period? Does he worry about your financial security?

It is also likely that your expenses will increase as your children get older. You are doing ok now, but will your current earnings still be enough in 2-3 years time? Do you have enough coming in to put away savings for the future?

I don't think you should just take any job to earn more money. However, I do think you should be realistic about how likely this career move is. Whilst HE is a relatively good field to be in, there have also been some major funding changes in the sector recently, with more still to come. I also think that you are potentially being a little too narrow about the job you want to do. It might be worth reading up about other roles in other to see if there is anything else available that might interest you.