To resent my DH expecting me to take ANY job

[purplepompoms]

We have 2 DCs and for the last year or so I've worked very part-time hours so that we didn't have to pay for childcare. This worked well while my youngest DD was at home but now she's started school, I would like a job that was more rewarding and more hours. I currently work in a university (non-academic role) and would like to find another job in a university that was preferably 3 or 4 days a week or full time if I really couldn't get part-time. The trouble is there are very few jobs in the sector and my DH is getting impatient with me restricting my job search and thinks I should look more widely. I understand that he has been the main breadwinner for the past 4 years and wants me to contribute more financially. However he works in a job he loves in the field of his choosing and I think he should give me the time to find something I too will enjoy doing if I'm going to be working virtually full time. My current job is OK for a part-time role but would be really unrewarding if I had to do it full-time and has little room for progression. Before having children I worked in a different area in more senior roles and earned a similar amount to my DH but there was no possibility of him going P/T and I was happy to take p/t less fulfilling roles while the children were small. Anyway, AIBU to expect him to give me up to a year to find a satisfying job?

YABabitU... I'm in your situation, I've just taken a massively shit job doing something really shit, which is also night shifts...which is also shit!

BUT - we are financially better off, and P has stopped moaning.

My dc are 2.5 and 9 months BTW :)

Just take any job and look for your dream job whilst doing that :)

I agree with purple that giving up the permanent contract would be unwise. I do think it might be worth you having a discussion with your line manager, or with someone in student support, along the lines of, now I have more hours available, what might my options be?

People will be open to someone who already has a good reputation in the university, wanting some more hours for an obvious and understandable reason. It is much easier to do it this way, than it is to stand out in a crowd of applications to a new employer who knows nothing about you.

Certainly in the Uni where I work, it's an accepted thing that people want to develop their careers and move around departments. We do a lot of secondments.

Do you have the Springboard programme where you are? it's a career development programme aimed at women in non-academic roles. Or there may be a mentoring or career development programme.

In the meantime, though, I can't see the harm in having a second job to fill up your extra hours. You dont have to stress it on your CV- just say, you wanted to work 30 hours a week so you took a temp job while you were looking for permanent opportunities. if anything, that would reassure me as an employer that you were able to cope with going to 30 hours a week from 12.

There is a lot more to life than money.

Working in a shit job will cause other problems. Those little free things in life will dwindle. Like sex and a happy home.

Why would I loving partner want his/her partner to take a shit job.

Luckily for this situation money is not a problem.

If she does take a full time role I hope her husband steps up to the mark. It will mean doing more housework and child care.

But the OP doesn't want to work excessive hours. 12 hours a week when the Dc are at school 30 hours a week leaves quite a lot of scope.

Actually what she wants is to aim at something she can enjoy long term, and I think we all agree with that. But some of us are saying, don't jack in the job you have, meet your OH halfway by adding a few hours doing something else, while you plan.

Just doing 12 hours a week when the Dc are at school 30 hours does look a bit U.

Be careful of over-estimating how much future employers will value 'commitment to the sector'. Most people who recruit to student support don't give a stuff about that, they are more concerned with how you have demonstated how you have consistently grown relevant skills and experience, regardless of where that is. I have always worked in HE, but dm very much the exception in this department.

It sounds like ideally you'd like to stay in your current uni? There are a number of practical things you could do. You could go to your CPLD department for support with career mentoring, training courses to upskill you. Make it well known that you want to be in student support! I think it unlikely that you will be given voluntary opportunities in your student support department, but it is common to take on office temps at busy times, eg beginning of the year so you could try to get some temp work then to get a foot in the door.

Another option would be to increase your hours in your current role. One way of doing this might be to talk to your line manager and put together a business case for a piece of project work that might form closer links with student support - that sort of thing shows that you have iniative, commitment, capable of looking at issues broadly and finding solutions and its win-win as far as the students are concerned as they have a more linked together service. I've just done exactly this process with two of my staff and it has worked well. Feel free to pm me if you like

Also, try seeing if your student support has a note-taking team - these are often hourly paid staff, usually on zero hour contracts. That sounds like it might suit you right now, and whilst its not the most thrilling role it does give you that foot in the door again.

Finally, if it is advice work you are interested in done restrict yourself to student support - a lot of academic schools will have a pastoral support role within them, and also try the student union.

alark no, I am not saying that all SAHMs of school age kids are U. If a family has decided that they can afford to do this, it is up to them.

In this case, the family has decided that the strain on finances isn't sustainable. I don't really see the evidence that the DH hasn't thought it through, I know the OP mentioned cars and holidays but she was I thought saying that generally things are just too tight. Gas and electricity rises, petrol rises, kids needing stuff at school- there are all kinds of things that could lie behind that decision. The OP hasn't said she disagrees with the basic decision that the family needs more income, she just wants to find the right way forward.

Which I agree with. And it's what I did myself. But it took a while to get back, and it is true that if I had stayed in my original career, we would have been rich . But I gave up work for seven years, worked PT for five years (25 hours IIRC) and full time now in a new career, earning not what I might have, but enough.

My advice is to hang onto that core job like grim death because it is key until you find the way forward, but if there is pressure in the meantime, to supplement the hours.

As for getting into student support, it depends so much on how it is run by the Uni the OP works for. But there may well be a student support element of the current library role, and that's where I would go. IMHO the great thing is to have some specialist knowledge. Texts, and how you get ecopies off publishers, and accessible reading devices, are all key issues and she is well placed to do that.

I can see where you're coming from, everyone wants to do a job they find fulfilling but I worked in a terrible job for a long time to help with the family finances. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do for the family..however, my dh didn't tell me to take the job he used to feel bad that I was doing it as I was more qualified etc, and it was a crap environment and if we could have survived on his wage I wouldn't have done it. At least you're in a job at the moment which does contribute to the finances, but can you take something for now and keep looking?

Good post beastofburden.

It's always very easy to jump on the 'flashy cars and foreign holidays' as if wanting to increase the family income is all about that

The reality is that normal living costs are scarily high, and it isn't going to get any easier in the foreseeable future. It's reckoned by 2015 interest rates will hike up so that's going to affect many families, even those who are managing at the moment. Also, there are long term issues like pensions to consider... A 12 hour a week job isn't going to be adding much to your pension pot, so even if this isn't high on the dh's agenda in expecting the OP to work more hours, it's worth thinking about seriously, because many women don't have anywhere near enough provision for themselves should they outlive their husband.

I think the poster earlier who mentioned honest communication has got it spot on. Talk to your DH about his concerns... Don't just assume he is chasing you back into more hours to fund himself luxuries; it may be that he's feeling the pressure of having almost all the earning responsibility and wants a shift of balance. Having almost sole responsibility for paying the bills and coping with any emergencies like car breakdowns, boiler on the blink etc is not something we would all welcome... I know I wouldn't

And also, I don't know why some posters assume men would never want to step up and pick up the extra child and home responsibilities... Maybe that says something more about their own relationships. Not all men are like that... Many welcome the chance to do the nursery drop off or pick up; I know when I returned to f/t work after doing 3 days a week, my DH was quite happy to step up and do more of the childcare and domestic stuff ... Many people want balance in their life, men as well as women.

In the OPs shoes I would definitely continue in the current role but simultaneously explore opportunities in the current Uni but also other contexts, to get into working directly with students. The CAB volunteering also sounds a useful route. And don't begrudge your DH enjoying his own job, because tbh it sounds like he'd have been having to do it full time anyway regardless of whether he enjoyed it

We are now in our 50s and thinking a bit about retirement. It is definitely a good thing that i will be retiring on about 30% of my final salary. It is going to make a big difference to what we can do and when we can afford to both give up working. Don't forget your pension, in many ways it is more important than what you earn today. Pick an employer with a good scheme.

Completely agree.
We're in our 40s but its nevertheless something I'm very conscious of. Working isn't just about the here and now, it's investing in the future, and even if your partner is on a good income, that's not going to help much if he dies before you.

I also think the luxuries in life - new frivolous shoes, a week in the sun, going away for the weekend just the two of you - can make life really nice.

I know it's shallow, but it's true.

I'd rather do what was best long term for my own career and earning potential than have a new pair of shoes I didn't need.

We are now in our 50s and thinking a bit about retirement. It is definitely a good thing that i will be retiring on about 30% of my final salary. It is going to make a big difference to what we can do and when we can afford to both give up working. Don't forget your pension, in many ways it is more important than what you earn today. Pick an employer with a good scheme

I have no idea why but I imagined you to be late 20's, I have this image in my head of you

Lol I have a son who is almost 22! And the other DC are almost 18 and 20.

But thank you for making me feel young!

They do for academic related and academic staff, chunder. The OP is not going to be a member of the USS scheme, which is the one you want. Many Unis have defined contribution schemes for non academic resulted support staff, so it won't be any better than anywhere else. All the more reason, if she can, for the OP to get a promotion and move across to USS, taking her service to date with her.

I would strongly advise keeping the PT job you are in. It is much easier to find a job from a position of employment in a related field.

Look for second PT job that fits round your schedule and won't cost a fortune in child care.

I did 2 jobs for about 12 years - the first one was low paid but in the field I wanted. I used the time to do extra training and add to my CV. I gradually increased my hours when my youngest started school.

4 years ago I was head hunted for a senior post (NHS) and went in at the top of my pay band.

It took time, but the child care costs involved in doing it more quickly would have swallowed up any extra earnings.

You will be working till you are 65 or 70, so you might as well try and have a long term plan.

support staff at our uni are on final salary government pensions, unlike academic staff who are not on final salary pensions. the scheme changes next year for support staff.

New entrants to academic schemes are not on final salary any more, but it is still defined benefit, just career average. Still much better than defined contribution.

It depends on the Uni, what non academic staff get. But once you go above a certain scale, you transfer in to the academic and academic related scheme, and you can bring your previous service with you.

I had a FT job in a career I loved & worked hard to get.

It didn't pay much & most of my money was taken up paying for childcare.

When ds started school I asked for PT hours - and I took on a second job in the evenings (self employed). The tax I had to pay was higher as it was a second job.

However, I held the jobs down for almost 3 yrs until it became too much. I now just have the PT job & have signed up to an agency for my day off, but ti be honest its difficult to fit in one day & 2 afternoons via an agency & then pay for childcare.

Dh works shifts so looks after the dc (9 & 12) when he can. The 12 yr old is okay to stay home for an hour or so but the 9 yr old still needs childcare!!

As you are already working in think its quite reasonable to wait till a good job comes along. As you say, you are comfortable financially already. It would be awful just to take any job then have to move on two months later when you actually got s job you liked. .