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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

hate rugby hate 9 year old son playing it

199 replies

swallowthree · 31/10/2013 12:10

Gave in and let 9 year old son have a go at rugby at our local club. He loves it. I went to watch last week and was horrified. Don't know why I expected any different but horrendous, just seemed like a big excuse for a scrap. Husband used to play so he is all for it. How do I get out of this one?

OP posts:

Mumofalittlegirl · 31/10/2013 12:11

You send the husband to the training and matches and you cook them a hot lunch and cup of tea to come home to.

squoosh · 31/10/2013 12:12

He loves it, he's the one playing it, that should be enough for you.

It may look like a 'big excuse for a scrap' but it's a sport with lots of rules, a sport which require lots of skill.

Which past times meet with your approval?

Andro · 31/10/2013 12:13

If he enjoys it I'd let him carry on...but I don't have an issue with rugby of either code (prefer union though).

DS likes rugby and DH still plays, I'd have more of an issue with them playing football tbh.

Cyclebump · 31/10/2013 12:20

My DH and both brother in laws play. DS is only two and a half but desperate to join in.

I'll admit there are games that are hard to watch if it gets scrappy but good reffing makes a huge difference. I found knowing the rules helps a lot as I know understand why they're all on the floor, scrummaging etc.

If you can't face watching, don't. If its a reputable club with proper supervision rugby can be a great lesson in temper management and good sportsmanship.

Youngest brother in law had some serious issues in his teens and went wholesale off the rails. DH encouraged him to join the team (hes 12 years older than him). His first few games he was full of rage he didn't know what to do with, a year later he's like a different guy. His temper is under control, he's focussed and the impact has been n his wider life off the pitch. He now calms down the other guys if they kick off [proud]

DramaAlpaca · 31/10/2013 12:21

Speaking as a mum of three boys I know what you're saying - it's hard watching your precious boy wrestling on the rugby field . I'd second letting DH take him along if it stresses you out too much. Maybe avoid training, just go along to matches to cheer him on?

Rugby rules for each age group are quite different & carefully set out with safety in mind so that there isn't allowed to be too much contact (contested scrums etc) until they are older & physically stronger - despite what it looks like on the field!

It's a great way for boys to burn off energy & learn a team sport which IMO has more discipline than soccer. I always preferred mine playing rugby - but then we are a rugby mad household with zero interest in soccer.

livinginwonderland · 31/10/2013 12:23

Let your DH take him while you stay at home and cook them a hot meal to come back to.

I can totally understand how violent rugby can seem, but good reffing makes a big difference and if your DH used to play, he'll know if things are too violent and not being done fairly.

Titsalinabumsquash · 31/10/2013 12:24

DP used to play Rugby for county until he got injured in a game and had to stop, my boys are keen but there isn't a group around here plus DS1 has a portacath inserted in his chest so I'm not sure it's safe, I think it would help DS2 burn of his extra energy and give him an outlet for his anger though.

Titsalinabumsquash · 31/10/2013 12:25

Both my boys play football too and get quite a lot of injuries, I think it's just a sport thing!

WilsonFrickett · 31/10/2013 12:28

Erm, just to say, if DS wants to do it and DH is happy to take him, then yes, I think you can't do much about it. But I wouldn't be fannying about cooking hot lunches for them to come home to. Use the time to do something for yourself

bigTillyMint · 31/10/2013 12:29

Let your DH take him and have the hot soup and sarnies ready for their return - he will be starving! This is what I do with DS/football

ICameOnTheJitney · 31/10/2013 12:29

My friend feels the same about her DD playing soccer and hockey....she got her a good mouth guard. That's all you can do.

mistlethrush · 31/10/2013 12:31

DS (8) has just started playing and I'm really impressed with the reffing. And, to be frank, mine likes rolling around in the mud so it suits him down to a T.

Nerfmother · 31/10/2013 12:32

I feel similar but I am so proud of ds who plays for his town and I've been very supportive of his choice to play as full back or other positions that don't get in the scrum!
Tbh it's really hard but the chances of serious injury just aren't that high. As someone else said a good club will do all the basics (insurance, safety) and you can just relax and have Sundays off

Northumberlandlass · 31/10/2013 12:34

I don't understand what you are saying. DS (just turned 10 so will play same level I assume as your DS) plays for a local Youth Team - I have never seen what I would describe as a scrap. I have seen them ruck / maul / tackle / ripping balls & run lines & score tries. It's a contact sport. DS doesn't wear body armour or scrum cap, only a mouth guard (which I assume your DS has to wear too). But maybe body armour would make you feel happier?

Were the coaches controlling the training ? Did they do drills/ basics etc?

As you can tell, I love DS playing rugby. He has had a few knocks but he loves it.

funambulist · 31/10/2013 12:45

swallowthree I know what you mean.

DS2 is a keen rugby player. He has "only" broken a toe so far, but last game one of his team mates had two teeth knocked out (despite wearing a mouth guard), another classmate has had a badly torn ligament (6 weeks on crutches), and two of my rugby playing cousins have had quite serious fractures. One of them couldn't play sport for a year and spent time in traction.

I have my heart in my mouth every time I watch DS2 play and would be quite happy for him never to play again. He comes home covered in terrible bruises after almost every training session and match.

I think it's correct though that they limit the amount of contact for the younger players. Unfortunately my DS is past that stage and has boys half a foot taller and probably two stone heavier thundering towards him when he plays.

mrsjay · 31/10/2013 12:49

you send his dad to watch him and hear all about it when he gets in, Dh used to play rugby at school and beyond he never broke anything, dd plays badminton and got and got shuttlecock in her eye and it scratched her eyeball so sport is viscous ime

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 31/10/2013 12:50

YABVVU

And I am because none of my DSs would go anywhere near it.

Boardingblues · 31/10/2013 12:52

Been there! Unfortunately it seems my DS was born to play rugby. At 14 he is six foot tall with a 16 inch collar and is just a mass of fast moving muscle... my avoidance of rugby was completely ignored by nature! I can't watch my DS play except through my fingers! But he loves it and is really good at it - so what to do except to support him and be there with the plasters and arnica?

lljkk · 31/10/2013 12:57

I like Rugby better than BMX racing.

Spidermama · 31/10/2013 13:03

Rugby is about the biggest thing in my 13 year old's life and now his 8 year old brother has begun playing in matches and loving it.

It's extremely good for their confidence, fitness and all sorts of other things. It's healthy, teaches them about rules and discipline. It's VERY sporting. The whole vibe is far less violent (off field) and far more honourable and sporting than football.

It's also very sociable and family-ish.

YABVU.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 31/10/2013 13:05

My dd does MMA. I went to watch a couple of times. It was horrible...to me. But she is my baby. (Even though she is 15)
But she loves it. So I grit my teeth and watch her with my eyes half closed and tell her how wonderful it is.

Andro · 31/10/2013 13:07

Northumberlandlass - to a lot of people - especially if they have little knowledge of rugby - the rucks especially can look like a scrap (and without good reffing can easily turn into one!). I love it, but I know a lot of people who think the same way as OP.

themaltesefalcon · 31/10/2013 13:07

It's dangerous, but what can you do? If he loves it and plays it for long enough, he WILL sustain some injuries along the way. You just have to help and be ready to meet resistance on his part when the doctor forbids him to play anymore after his third concussion in as many months...

My brother played rugby seriously till he was about 22, and head injury prevented him going on. (So he took up ice hockey... nincompoop.) I hated him getting injured all the time but he loved it. He got off pretty lightly, too. One of my schoolfriends' brother was paralysed. Death is not exactly common but not exactly unheard of. If they play correctly and have a good coach who insists on good form, the risk is pretty low, though.

I confess I'm glad my child is a girl and we now live in a country with no significant rugby presence (having moved from New Zealand, it was always going to be that way, wherever we moved). It's hard to watch your loved one obsessed with something dangerous. That said, I think it's far healthier than sitting on your arse watching computer games, as so many kids do these days. All you can do is support him and keep a careful eye on the injury situation- especially regarding knocks to the head.

Littleredsquirrel · 31/10/2013 13:08

I know where you're coming from so don't watch. You won't be able to stop him doing it at school.

DH takes them, I stay home and use the time on a sunday morning to have a nice relaxing bath and then do some cooking whilst catching up with some tv or MNing on the iPad.

Northumberlandlass · 31/10/2013 13:10

^^ everything Spidermama said !

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