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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

hate rugby hate 9 year old son playing it

199 replies

swallowthree · 31/10/2013 12:10

Gave in and let 9 year old son have a go at rugby at our local club. He loves it. I went to watch last week and was horrified. Don't know why I expected any different but horrendous, just seemed like a big excuse for a scrap. Husband used to play so he is all for it. How do I get out of this one?

OP posts:
Taffeta · 01/11/2013 09:11

Absolutely agree. Neither DH or I are football fans, but DS is, and he's his own person.

The discussion does always turn into a debate as the cultures of the sports is discussed, and most people seem to have an opinion on it.

SatinSandals · 01/11/2013 09:16

Sums it up taffeta . 'dS is his own person.' And as such there is no reason to suppose he is anything like his parents.

Fleta · 01/11/2013 09:56

MoominMammas - to suggest rugby involves no sort of skill and only depends on size is frankly ridiculous.

Some of the greatest ever rugby players are slight.

I've played and coached both rugby league and union - the skillset amongst the top players (and the top amateurs) is immense.

CuChullain · 01/11/2013 10:02

“What a load of ridiculous, I'll informed snobbery”

Not really, people just providing their own anecdotal experiences, just because it does not fit your experiences/bias it does not invalidate it.

“I grew up in a rugby family, my Dad was chairman of our local rugby club.”

As did I, my father played old 1st division rugby (now the premiership), I also played the game for over 30 years, how many games have you played?

“The idea that rugby players are all gentlemen is frankly ludicrous.”

Nobody is claiming at all that ‘all’ rugby players are gentlemen, in a game with a million plus registered players there are bound to be a sizable minority of twats. What they are claiming though, on a general level, is that rugby nurtures qualities that are either lacking or completely absent in football. Simple things, clapping the ref and the opposition teams off the pitch, home side having to feed and entertain the opposition post match, total respect for officials (even when they have made a bad call), not trying to con the referee with diving or going down like a sack of spuds clutching your face the moment another players touches you, a no player is bigger then the team mentality that engenders great camaraderie, non-segregated crowds, no requirement for hundreds of police, no tribal idiot fans abusing you or worse for having the wrong colours on.

“I've had plenty of family members and boyfriends who have suffered stud injuries, eye gouges, yes and even bite marks.”

Stud injuries are fairly common; any player running onto the field knows that they are an occupational hazard. Anyway, calling them ‘injuries’ is a bit dramatic, more often or not they are just red marks/light grazing on the back. Maybe all your male acquaintances should not have been on the wrong side of the ruck illegally blocking the ball as that is where 90% of such ‘injuries’ take place.

With regards to the eye gouging and biting I don’t know of a single club in the land that would condone such practices. 99% of players find such acts of thuggery disgusting and would be ashamed if they found out a team mate was responsible. 25 years ago it would have been difficult to get any redress to such incidents, these days though it is very well policed, even at a ‘social’ level (i.e. pub team rugby) there is a zero tolerance to violent acts. Every reported act of violence is investigated by the RFU with lengthy bans (including life) issued for players found guilty. Any club found selecting banned players are fined and deducted points.

“And at the very top level of the game, the England team are frankly a disgrace. Role models they are not. The England football team is actually far more professional and well behaved.”

Strange, I don’t recall any England rugby captains shagging their club team mates wife (Terry), calling someone “a fucking black cunt” (Terry again), or married players sending naked photos to glamour models (Cole), players sleeping with escort girls behind their pregnant wifes back (Rooney), missing drug tests (Ferdinand). Role models indeed!

Lobbing a few (consenting) dwarfs about does not really compare.

“And don't even get me started on the pathetic macho drinking culture. Even at University all the idiots were the rugby club boys.”

Yep, no drinking culture in football, how long till the next former player releases an autobiography detailing their battles with alcoholism (Adams, Merson, Gascoigne, Best, Greeves, McGrath, Charles, Sansom,). I guess those dental chairs were just for relaxing and meditating in. I don’t know where you went to uni but when I was there it was pretty much every sports team on a Wednesday night getting blind drunk and getting sick in the bushes, not something to be celebrated, but it was certainly not a rugby only phenomenon.

“But I would rather they were doing a sport based on speed and skill than one based on how big and tough you are.”

Now that is just a monumentally stupid thing to say, you average rugby club will have players of all shapes and sizes and caters for all skill levels, from the semi unfit social player in the 5th team who cant catch or tackle for toffee through to the 1st team player who is a dedicated athlete with amazing ball skills. A bit like football really! If you want skill youtube Brian O’Driscoll, Dan Carter, Jason Robinson or Wilkinson in their prime, they are not just big and tough lumps.

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:06

" is that rugby nurtures qualities that are either lacking or completely absent in football."

Bollocks.

NormanTheForeman · 01/11/2013 10:10

I think a lot depends on the club, with either rugby or football. If it is well run, it can be very good, but I think both sports have some clubs which don't encourage good sportsmanship. Not that ds likes either rugby or football (partly because he is quite small for his age) although he has to play rugby at school whether he likes it or not.

Anyway, give me cricket any day, it's the only sport with a tea interval! Wink

CuChullain · 01/11/2013 10:12

@Taffeta

If I was a Fulham fan, and I bought a ticket for the local derby to watch Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, and my ticket was a seat in the home fans stand, the stewerds upon seeing my Fulham shirt would not let me in, can you answer why that is?

Sirzy · 01/11/2013 10:12

Brilliant post CuChu although my experiences are league rather than union I agree with you complelty

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:13

That's the bit I really object to. My DS has been playing academy football a few years, and from what I see, it's all about fair play, the team being all and it not being about the individual, good sportsmanship, engaging socially with the other side, respecting the officials and refs.

That's what I mean by bollocks, just to be clear.

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:14

I am talking about academy football for children, not adult fans football culture, or tabloid stuff about players.

Sirzy · 01/11/2013 10:14

I think most people are talking about the culture of both sports overall. You can't just cherry pick the bits you like!

Sirzy · 01/11/2013 10:16

and my experiences of junior football and junior rugby suggest even at that level the cultures are very different. My nephew moved from playing Football to Rugby and he commented upon how different the two were in the approaches and attitudes of those involved.

(of course both are only personal experiences and every club will differ)

Spidermama · 01/11/2013 10:17

My DS - who's now 13 - played football for years and became really good. He was the best in his team and a real asset to them so it was a shock when he told us he was giving up football because it clashed with rugby, which he prefers.

He analysed why he had the preference and he said football matches left him frustrated and tense because of the lack of contact or rather the grey area about acceptable levels of contact.

Rugby on the other hand really allows him to let off steam, and he's the kind of boy who really needs to let off steam so I'm grateful for it. I must admit to being a little relieved he's fly half and therefore has a better chance of staying gorgeous.

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:18

Erm, I can. I can cherry pick to discuss the bits I came on to discuss. I have experience and reality of the bits I discuss, I don't pontificate about stuff I am don't know about.

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:22

In fact it's an interesting point, and it's why I rarely discuss it in RL. This perception that you have to be able to discuss every aspect of the game, from stats to tabloid stuff to moves to clubs etc.

I am not interested in football. Or rugby. I am just talking about the experience we have had at academy football with our 10 yo DS.

Sirzy · 01/11/2013 10:24

But that is a big part of the sport so you can't just pretend that doesn't happen. You seem very quick to want to defend without looking at the bigger picture.

The fact segregation is needed is to me a very sad reflection of a sport. The thing I love about rugby - other than the game itself - is the relationship between opposing fans. I have been stopped from going into a pub before a football match because I don't support the right team to me that is just bizzare!

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:26

I'm not pretending it doesn't happen, not sure where you got that from.

I am just discussing the bits I know about from experience. Isn't that what most people do on here?

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:27

And I am quick to defend the bits I see as inaccurate based on the actual experience we have of it.

Sirzy · 01/11/2013 10:27

Your the one claiming things are oh friendly when plenty of evidence suggests otherwise!

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:29

They are, at my sons club. The experience that I have.

I am not making comments about the wider football culture.

squoosh · 01/11/2013 10:29

I know plenty of avid rugby fans who are boorish louts.

Taffeta · 01/11/2013 10:31

It pisses me off that we have to be constantly apologetic that our DS plays football.

He loves it, he's great at it, he learns a lot socially and emotionally from it. That's it, really.

ivykaty44 · 01/11/2013 10:43

The game of football is fine, it is sadly still the people surrounding the game that make it an undesirable sport. I still have vivid memories of violence of the supporters back in the 197o's and 80's that were awful city centers no go areas. That died out thank goodness but it left an impression.

This last August I got on a train with football supporters and was shocked, I am sure not all supporters are like this but they didn't give anyone else sat on the train a good impression of the game, There sexist, racist, intimidating, disgusting behaviour was truly awful and everyone was on tender hooks.

I know that a large majority of football fans are not like this.

My godson played with Birmingham academy it is a great game that is really spoilt by a small minority

Spidermama · 01/11/2013 10:49

Apologetic that your DS plays football Taffeta? You certainly shouldn't have to be.

I have three sons and I find at school those who are not interested in football have a distinct social disadvantage. People talk about football all the time. It's a good safe way for boys (and men) to communicate with each other. Great if you're interested which the large majority seem to be, but difficult if you're not.

harrassedswlondonmum · 01/11/2013 11:00

My two 9 year olds are now in their 5th year of rugby, and in my experience injuries have been very few and far between at this stage. My Dh refs and he still can't believe that everyone calls him sir!

I'm more worried about my year 9 boy. At this age it really is men against boys a lot of the time as sizes vary so much. He has stopped playing club rugby this year because school rugby on Weds, Thurs and Sat often results in minor injuries and bruises and playing again on Sunday would be too much.

My boys play for the mini section of a professional team and the pros are fantastic role models. They support minis events and are present at the club in a way that would never happen in an equivalent professional football club.

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