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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

hate rugby hate 9 year old son playing it

199 replies

swallowthree · 31/10/2013 12:10

Gave in and let 9 year old son have a go at rugby at our local club. He loves it. I went to watch last week and was horrified. Don't know why I expected any different but horrendous, just seemed like a big excuse for a scrap. Husband used to play so he is all for it. How do I get out of this one?

OP posts:
Spidermama · 31/10/2013 13:11

We take another boy to rugby matches and training every week because his parents aren't interested. He loves it. I know it's not possible to force his parents to be interested but I also know he'd love it if they were to come and watch him play just once. Sad

Loshad · 31/10/2013 13:11

It's a lot safer than getting in a car every day!
YADBVU, your DS enjoys it, he is playing sport, keeping fit and healthy, he is not asking you to get stuck into the mauls Confused

Northumberlandlass · 31/10/2013 13:16

Andro - I take your point - I am a rugby addict Grin

DS also rides his BMX at local skate park - I think he has suffered more injuries from there.

wonderingsoul · 31/10/2013 13:21

my 7 year old play and trains every sunday.
its not you playing it.. if he enjoys it let him.

at this age it should be tag rugby.. they only do contact at 10..well in my county it is.
its not dangourous.. he'l no more hurt himself there then on the playground.

if you dont want to watch.. stay at home and relax.

cupcakeicing · 31/10/2013 13:22

Me too Swallow. My DS is also 9. He is tall for his age and 'strapping'. School and friends in the local club would love him to play but memories of my DB's broken nose, cheek bone, knee etc mean I disallow it for now.
When a paramedic moved in next door to us when we were at school we already knew him as he had ambulanced my brother and mum to hospital so often after another injury.

specialsubject · 31/10/2013 13:24

life means bruises. Rugby can be dangerous but the version at his age should have all the right safeguards (do check).

any good sport will also involve some bruising. He won't notice until afterwards, and unlike some sports, it is also good to learn that the game doesn't stop for the drama.

the important thing is that he enjoys it.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 31/10/2013 13:26

Yup, what Spidermama said, except that YonlyBU if you actually try and stop him playing. It is dangerous and scary watching.

In addition to the other positives people have mentioned, it's great that they find something they love and are good at. Much better than lazing around, although it's a good excuse for doing that the rest of the time!

Tends to avert any inclination for smoking, drugs etc.
Try and concentrate on the idea that he could be doing much worse things.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 31/10/2013 13:28

Oh, and I got my son in the habit of taking arnica after every match to help with the inevitable bruising.

CuChullain · 31/10/2013 13:29

I finally hung up my boots last year after a playing 'career' lasting 32 years. Do not regret one bit of it, yes I picked up some knocks along the way, some minor, some major, but it was all worth it. Have made some life long friends through the various clubs I played with, made me very close to my father at a young age when I started to play mini rugby, it taught me the value of teamsports, respect, not just for myself but for team mates and opposition like, I have experienced the agonies of losing a final by a point after you have pushed yourself beyond what you thought was possible. I have experienced the highs of winning the league and the immense pride that all the hard work you put in with your team paid off, I have maintained a high level of fitness, learned about nutrition and healthy eating, I have with my club mates raised thousands for charity and helped in the community. Yes, I drank a lot of beer too, had some crazy nights in the clubhouse that we still talk about today. It is a great sport in so many respects, dont deny your son that.

Spidermama · 31/10/2013 13:31

Some boys and men really wantand need this level of physical challenge and crashing about into each other. For those who love it - it's really good for them.

Yes they get injured but that's no reason not to do something you love which brings so many incredible benefits. Honestly my 13 year old can have challenging behaviour but he's SO much better since playing rugby regularly.

Also the social side teaches them to be good sports. They shake hands etc. No-one dives in rugby. They play really hard on the field and then its drilled into them to be sporting and courteous and respectful of the opposing side. My DH irons his own white shirt because he loves the bit where both teams sit together in the club house afterwards, have a larf and eat lunch.

Yesterday, in the absence of rugby, my younger ds (who's 8) decided to do drop in football at a nearby park. He was relentlessly bullied all day long by 'all but one' of the team. It was just because they didn't know him and he had rugby instead of football studs. He could have floored any one of them (he's a tank) but he said he kept his head down hoping it would stop and it just got worse and worse. I don't know why this is relevant but there's something much nastier about football. DS was also properly shocked at how many players dive.

I'm going off the point. Rugby is a thoroughly decent sport.

Spidermama · 31/10/2013 13:32

It's a great idea to bring arnica.

Spidermama · 31/10/2013 13:33

Great post CuChullain.

AuntieStella · 31/10/2013 13:33

They get terribly blasé about injuries from surprisingly young too.

Perhaps not what you want to hear, but serious injury is less common than say it is for those who ride.

MrsPnut · 31/10/2013 13:35

My youngest daughter plays, my older daughter did play and I played at school and university.

Rugby is an excellent sport and the rules are designed to make it safer for the minis especially if your club plays the shaping the game rules.
As parents, we applaud when the opposition score a try because it's about encouraging the players no matter what side they're playing for.

Andro · 31/10/2013 13:39

Northumberlandlass - I'm also an addict, although I don't play anymore I still ref (always respected, not always liked )

Northumberlandlass · 31/10/2013 13:43

I have mainly played Touch in the past - I didn't really discover it (to play) until I was older. Full respect to the Refs!!

AuntieStella · 31/10/2013 13:45

Rugby Union has no rules.

It has laws

Thisisaghostlyeuphemism · 31/10/2013 13:48

Dd does ballet- she loves it, I loathe it. It's what they do, isn't it - sigh.

CuChullain · 31/10/2013 14:05

@spider

My club is based down the local park and we share the facilities with a couple football teams and the difference in attitude is stark.

On the rugby field:

"Excuse me ref, what was that pentalty for?"

"Red number 7, hands in the ruck, if he does it again he is looking at 10 mins in the bin, go and tell him"

"Will do"

On the football field:

"Fucking hell ref are you fucking blind"

"Oh what, what the fuck was that for"

"Fuck off"

stowsettler · 31/10/2013 14:13

Rugby has been huge in my life since I was born. One of my earliest memories is standing on the touchline of our local team, playing with one of the spare balls. I must've been no older than about 2.5
I played for the university women's team and for some time after that. I very much hope that my DD, when she's older, gets the chance too.
I still love the game, have a season ticket for our region and will watch any old match on the telly.
YABU, CuChullain speaks the truth above. It's a game which requires immense discipline, hence the people who play it are by and large much more disciplined (and civilised) than their soccer playing counterparts. Sweeping generalisation, but one which is consistently upheld every time I go to the park.

FiscalCliffRocksThisTown · 31/10/2013 14:13

Oh OP, I feel like this.

And DS is a demon tackler, and takes out the big kids. He loves it, and as he is big and tall, the coaches love him. Now he is 9, it is "contact" all the time.

I cannot watch, so don't.

DH takes him, it is Their Thing. I feed them afterwards.

DH says it is a great sport and important to learn the rules, and how to tackle properly, from a young age. He says it is much "naicer" than football ( and no abuse shouted by parents watching).

Can't bear it though.....my pretty baby boy!

prettybird · 31/10/2013 14:29

I agree with all the positive things said about rugby especially compared to football - including the pedantry about the fact that rugby has laws nor rules Wink (and the important "Age Grade Law Variations").

Ds (13) now has dual passions of cycling (road, track and a wee bit of CX): in terms of injuries and danger, give me rugby any day. I have seen far more accidents at cycling events (road/track rash, broken bones, concussion) than I've ever seen at rugby. That's before you even factor in the danger of all the hours of training out on the open road Hmm

Life is full of risks - but all you can do is make the most of it and try and minimise them when and where you can - by teaching road sense and in rugby by being disciplined.

As they say, "rugby is a hooligans' game played by gentlemen and football is a gentleman's game played by hooligans".

The fact that you don't need to segregate fans at rugby matches (even derbies or internationals) and can drink alcohol at the games with no trouble says it all.

wonderingsoul · 31/10/2013 15:22

pretty you said it so much better then i could so didnt try.
im pretty new to this rugby stuff but it does seem that a lot of respect is shown to both sides, there is no diving and faking being hurt, no swearing at the ref no running round like a tit with your top over your heads when you score.

which is why i hate football... the number of footballers and thier wags that get in the paper for all the wrong reason compared to rugby players is very high.

prettybird · 31/10/2013 15:28

"I don't think we've met before....I'm the referee...this is not soccer" GrinGrin

themaltesefalcon · 31/10/2013 15:29

Have to say all the anti-football stuff on this thread is getting right on my tits. For what it's worth, it's the English rugby louts who have an unsavoury reputation in my country. The team and fans all behave like complete wankers on tour.

But then I'm from New Zealand, where the rugby is the best in the world AND the ordinary working man's game, rather than football.

Northern Hemisphere rugby not being any good, I am now a huge fan of football culture. The songs are far wittier and the fans better travelled and more knowledgeable, from what I can see.

But rugby itself, played properly (as in the Southern Hemisphere, apart from Australia)- what a game! None better.