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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want friends to be in same postition as me for my own selfish reasons

141 replies

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 12:56

I know I am been unreasonable and all that but I'm still going to moan here and I expect you all yo agree with me and ignore the unreasonableness of it Grin

I have been intouch with friends to see if anyone fancies going for a pub lunch.

I'm alone every Sunday as the toddler is at his dads. I'm bored and hungry and I haven't seen friends in weeks and some in months.

All the texts and calls have said roughly the same thing and the others ignored.

'Im with the boyfriend/husband, if he goes out later I will meet you'

'Im spending it with partner'

'We can do something next week as with fella today'

So AIBU to want all friends single? Even the ones with kids? I managed to see them while in a relationship and with a baby.

All I want is a couple of hours of their time in weeks/months. I'm the only single mother with a toddler. They are either in relationships, married or have babies but still with partner.

They only have time for me if their partners are out doing something. The plans to do something next week never happen but yet I'm the first person they call upon when they have problems.

I wish I could clone myself.

OP posts:
daughterofafarmer · 27/10/2013 12:58

Plan it in advance, you can expect people to change their plans just because you haven't made any!

reup · 27/10/2013 12:58

I know what you mean. When I was single all my friends were in couples, then when I got married they got divorced. I'm never in sync.

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:00

Daughter They are usually planned in advance yet it doesn't happen as I stated.

OP posts:
Strumpetron · 27/10/2013 13:01

Awrrr I feel for you. I'm really lucky, me and my best friend both have partners and she has a baby (my godchild) but we can always just text each other out of the blue to arrange things. Spontaneous things are sometimes the best. Tis a shame they're all busy :( personally id MAKE the time for you, I see my partner every single day so if I couldn't spare a few hours from his side there's a problem!

LizzieVereker · 27/10/2013 13:03

I'm starving, and go go a good pub lunch. I'll go out with you Grin

LizzieVereker · 27/10/2013 13:04

could go a pub lunch... See, am weak with hunger, can't type.

PrincessFlirtyPants · 27/10/2013 13:05

YANBU!! They should drop their plans, what inconsiderate friends you have! Wink

DontmindifIdo · 27/10/2013 13:06

YABU - you need to plan in advance! Our weekends are planned out. Today I could meet a friend because DH is out and we have no plans, but because he would be out today, we made plans for yesterday to do stuff as a family. That's not to say I can only see friends when he's out, but if I'm not going to spend Sunday with him, i'd like to spend Saturday as a family. A lot of couples don't get much family time so would rather use non-family time to meet up with friends. It could be your friends have done separate things on a Saturday already so want to spend today together. Plus it's sunday, most people will have meal planned already, I've got a chicken in the fridge for dinner, I'm not going to eat out tonight now.

As you know you are free every sunday, can you text someone back and ask if they fancy doing sunday lunch next week. Message a few others and point out that as you are on your own every Sunday, would they like to book in a 'girls lunch' in a few weeks time. If you start it today/tomorrow, you could book up the next month meeting up with other friends (invite some to you if you think they might be too skint to eat out).

Also depending where you are, there's a storm coming, I've been out earlier today and so I'd probably turn down any invite out this afternoon because I'm now in the mood for snuggling down and watching the leaves blow, not being out in the cold.

Thewalkingdeadkr · 27/10/2013 13:06

Yes that used to happen to me when I was a single parent.
Still does too as dh works weekends!
In fact, ill go with you? Carvery?

MrsDavidBowie · 27/10/2013 13:08

Go on your own...get the papers and enjoy time on your own.

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:09

Dont I have stated the planning doesn't work as it just doesn't happen! I have been planning to meet a friend for over a month now!

I'm in Leeds. Blue sky here!

They just can't seem to find time for me unless their partners that they all live with fuck them off or if they are annoyed at them then they will come running to me.

I'm off to go ruin dome relationships Grin

Princess Thank you. I knew I was right

OP posts:
mrswishywashy1 · 27/10/2013 13:10

I'm in the same situation Sp It's annoying.

Now if you lived near me I would love a pub lunch today Grin

HollaAtMeBaby · 27/10/2013 13:10

Your friends are crap and YANBU. Can you make some new (single) ones? Or find an activity/club/gym to occupy you on Sunday?

DontmindifIdo · 27/10/2013 13:10

oh and before now when we've been skint, I've said I had plans with DH (then DP) when really it was I didn't fancy spending what little 'fun money' I had on eating out when there was food in the house. I didn't want to say I was skint because you might call me on it if I've bought a new top the following week, but if I've only got say a spare £30 to spend on me, I might chose not to spend it eating out.

If they are saying they'll meet up with you later, it could be they are trying to avoid an expensive meal and all afternoon affair, but can afford a couple of drinks...

Waggamamma · 27/10/2013 13:11

where are you SP I'd love a pub lunch today and will happily ditch ds and dp for a couple of hours Grin I need some friends who want to do stuff too.

Oh will need to be somewhere with a deal on as im skint!

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:11

I'm the skint one! They are all better off than me. That's why I say a cheap pub lunch. Its 2 for 8 in pubs near me. It wouldn't be an all afternoon thing.

I have my son back at 6ish.

OP posts:
Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:13

Wagga I'm in Leeds. All pubs near me do cheap deals. Its great. Curry and a pint or burger and pint £5. Or 2 for meals or 2 for £8.

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 27/10/2013 13:13

Sp move to Scotland, I'll go for lunch with you, I'm always bored on Sundays!

LindyHemming · 27/10/2013 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontmindifIdo · 27/10/2013 13:15

But you've not been planning specific dates! If you say "let's meet up on a Sunday" and they say 'yes' you need to then pin them down and get it in the diary: so follow up with "Great, can you do the 3rd or the 10th?" actually get a date confirmed, not just the concept of meeting up.

If they have said in advance you will meet up in 2 weeks time and then on the actual day they've said they aren't interested, that's different, but if you are just generally planning the idea of meeting up, then you haven't actually scheduled something. Get firm commitments to sundays in November. Not just a "yeah, it would be great to see you one Sunday!" actual confirmed if it's the 3rd, 10th, 17th, and if it's lunch, shopping, coffee, going to an art gallery... Get something booked in, not just generally thought about. (This is tough if you are more a 'think about it on the day' sort of person, but it's more effective)

RhondaJean · 27/10/2013 13:17

Im in Ayrshire euphemia.

DH works most Sundays, I should use them to be more productive but I'm slogging on couch watching the originals and Mning!

BillyBanter · 27/10/2013 13:18

I have similar issues with weekends. Although my solution would be for me to have a partner.

trish5000 · 27/10/2013 13:18

Are mumsnet local any use to you?

Shame about your friends. Shame they cant both go with you.

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:18

They say cant do this Sunday but can do next Sunday. Next Sunday comes and I get the same shite.

I have sorted something out weeks in advance and then been let done the day we were meant to do something yet I never let them down. I went to one mates wedding with severe tonsillitis, swollen face, dribbling and high on meds yet she cant even be arsed meeting me for 2 hours

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 27/10/2013 13:20

If you are single you absolutely need some single friends and/or local family. Its virtually impossible to persuade someone married to meet up with you at a weekend.

so no YANBU