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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want friends to be in same postition as me for my own selfish reasons

141 replies

SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 12:56

I know I am been unreasonable and all that but I'm still going to moan here and I expect you all yo agree with me and ignore the unreasonableness of it Grin

I have been intouch with friends to see if anyone fancies going for a pub lunch.

I'm alone every Sunday as the toddler is at his dads. I'm bored and hungry and I haven't seen friends in weeks and some in months.

All the texts and calls have said roughly the same thing and the others ignored.

'Im with the boyfriend/husband, if he goes out later I will meet you'

'Im spending it with partner'

'We can do something next week as with fella today'

So AIBU to want all friends single? Even the ones with kids? I managed to see them while in a relationship and with a baby.

All I want is a couple of hours of their time in weeks/months. I'm the only single mother with a toddler. They are either in relationships, married or have babies but still with partner.

They only have time for me if their partners are out doing something. The plans to do something next week never happen but yet I'm the first person they call upon when they have problems.

I wish I could clone myself.

OP posts:
Strumpetron · 27/10/2013 13:20

I'd hate to have to 'book in' with my friends. Like I have to tie them to a plan just so they dot back out. it looks like they aren't making the effort which is pretty pathetic.

MammaTJ · 27/10/2013 13:22

You don't need friends in the same same circumstances as you, you just need better friends. I have a partner and children, but I still meet up with friends sometimes. If you were one ofmy friends, I would be inviting you round to mine for lunch well, more like tea, by the time I have got my arse in gear.

DP is great and quite happily looks after our children to enable me to do it. He also takes the children to the rugby club when he plays, so I get some time to revise.

foreverondiet · 27/10/2013 13:23

Actually I think they are being a bit rude selfish. We (DH, me and family) often have friends round at weekend and of course have single friends (some with kids some without) and married friends. However we usually are organised in advance as I cook but of course if I have people round anyway would always be ok about an extra one.

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:24

Mama but if they were in same position they wouldn't have the 'im with partner' excuse.

OP posts:
Thewalkingdeadkr · 27/10/2013 13:25

I do t get why people can't see a friend for a few hrs just because their dh is around.
When mine is off its a good opportunity to do so as he can have the kids!

Pinupgirl · 27/10/2013 13:26

I am like this but I am married! Dh takes dcs to an activity on a sunday and we used to always go to inlaws for dinner. But I put my foot down over that so now I have some sundays free.

Yet whenever I suggest meeting friends for coffee/lunch all I get is oh am busy,we are going swimming,gardening,diying etc. FFs your dh will not expire nor your dcs suffer if you actually leave them to it for a couple of hours.

Couples who are joined at the hip boil my pissAngry

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:28

They don't visit if I have the toddler or want to meet up when I have him. They know when I'm free yet only bother when they are having a shit time.

I haven't seen the friend who git married since her wedding a month ago yet she was the one who mentioned meeting up at the weekend after it.

OP posts:
Takver · 27/10/2013 13:29

I would love it if you were my friend and called on a Sunday. Even if I didn't want to go to the pub I would say come round and hang out here and eat cake or something. So YANBU and you need some new friends!

(Married but older dc and DH always seems to have rehearsals for something or other on a Sunday)

PublicEnemyNumeroUno · 27/10/2013 13:31

I feel for you, and if you where further up north id have met you for lunch, ive seen you a lot on here (im a name-changer) you seem like a fun person who would be a good laugh; cant see why you'd struggle to make new friends

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:32

What makes me laugh is they are always available to go out with their other friends on nights out without worrying to much about partners been alone.

OP posts:
Auntidote · 27/10/2013 13:37

YANBU but it does seem compulsory for couples to refuse to see single friends at the weekend. And if they do deign to see you you have to see the whole family not just the friend you actually want to see.

Do stuff on your own, then tell them how much fun you had. They still won't be interested in seeing you but at least you'll feel better and not be relying on them.

ClimbingPenguin · 27/10/2013 13:37

I'm married and have this. I don't need to spend the whole weekend with DH, but apparently everyone else does. I've lost all my SAHM friends now I have gone back to work.

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:39

'if partners working tomorrow I can meet you tomorrow'

is a text that came through. I replied 'i have the toddler tomorrow but he loves a good pub lunch'

I got back 'oh, maybe another time when you are free then'

I'm free now shithead!

OP posts:
BabyDubsEverywhere · 27/10/2013 13:39

I don't like missing time with my DH/DC at weekends, I would much rather meet in the week in the day if poss, if not I would rather go out on a night out (as its rare!) and go out with loads at once, to make the time/spending worth it.

Sorry, even before I was married I was the same though, weekend daytimes were always planned ages in advance - even if that plan was to have a day doing nothing to re charge a bit, and I wouldn't change plans unless I really had to.

Pinupgirl · 27/10/2013 13:40

Yep again I know exactly what you are talking about op.I asked my friend to go to a couple of events with me and got the usual excuses. Yet that very same weekend they went out as couples for dinner. Some times I think they actually don't really want to be my friend.

I usually organise an xmas night for us but last year 2 of them pulled out at the very last minute so this year am not going to bother.

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:41

I'm free 3 nights and get the same excuse. When football is one then I get a visit. I'm too skint for nights out and when I do save up for one I get let down. I can't win

OP posts:
Thewalkingdeadkr · 27/10/2013 13:44

Go to the pictures instead, take lots of sweets.
We saw "bad grandpa" yesterday and nearly pissed myself laughing.

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 13:48

Is that the Jackass one walking?

I think I will just take the toddler for a pub lunch tomorrow seen as there's no nursery

OP posts:
MimmeeBack · 27/10/2013 13:50

I will bring my toddler for a pub lunch Grin
I know exactly how you feel!

YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 27/10/2013 13:52

Right- send an email/text to all your friends who you want to see ( dont send i today- maybe midweek or next fri evening) in it say that you understand that 'WE' all have busy lives and family commitments but that you feel your friendship has been neglected a bit recently by 'ALL OF US' and so you think it would be great if you could all get together for a day/night and catch up like in times gone by. Then say "x,y and z are good dates for me" (the earliest maybe being 2/3 weeks away) "i was thinking lunch at (local pub/ restaurant) or if you preferred something else just shout" and then say look forward to seeing you all soon. Ive missed our days/nights out.

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 14:06

Doing it in advance doesn't make them come. I still get let down on the day

OP posts:
YoureBeingAnAnyFuckerFan · 27/10/2013 14:09

Well then they're shitty friends if they keep doing that. I'd be looking for new ones. Or if i was feeling mean i's turn up at shitty friends houses unannounced and make them play host to me for an hour while they're still in their jammies Grin maybe next time they'll rethink the cancelling on you

IsisOhIsis · 27/10/2013 14:12

Yanbu to find weekends hard. I'm a single parent and everyone is usually busy all weekend as its seen as family time, which of course is understandable but its still hard, and lonely and boring. Can you go for a lovely lunch with a good book and enjoy some me-time?

Original poster
SPsTombRaidingWithCliff · 27/10/2013 14:14

I have constant 'me-time' every night and 2 days a week. I'm not a book person. I just wanted 2 hours of adult company for a change.

OP posts:
trish5000 · 27/10/2013 14:14

They are not willing to be free on a sunday.
They are not willing to meet you with the toddler.

Do they meet you if you have a free weekday, or a free weekday evening. Presumably without your toddler?