To want friends to be in same postition as me for my own selfish reasons

[SPsTombRaidingWithCliff]

I know I am been unreasonable and all that but I'm still going to moan here and I expect you all yo agree with me and ignore the unreasonableness of it

I have been intouch with friends to see if anyone fancies going for a pub lunch.

I'm alone every Sunday as the toddler is at his dads. I'm bored and hungry and I haven't seen friends in weeks and some in months.

All the texts and calls have said roughly the same thing and the others ignored.

'Im with the boyfriend/husband, if he goes out later I will meet you'

'Im spending it with partner'

'We can do something next week as with fella today'

So AIBU to want all friends single? Even the ones with kids? I managed to see them while in a relationship and with a baby.

All I want is a couple of hours of their time in weeks/months. I'm the only single mother with a toddler. They are either in relationships, married or have babies but still with partner.

They only have time for me if their partners are out doing something. The plans to do something next week never happen but yet I'm the first person they call upon when they have problems.

I wish I could clone myself.

Kewcumber - If you are single you absolutely need some single friends and/or local family. Its virtually impossible to persuade someone married to meet up with you at a weekend. so no YANBU

yy

I have one single friend with a child but she lives quite a bit away so seeing her means staying over. We are going to hers over Halloween for a party though.

I am now coming into this situation as exdp and I have only been separated for 2 months. So far when he has ds I have cleaned the house just to keep myself occupied as I miss ds.

I know that if I asked my friends in a couple if they would like to meet up it would be a no. One of them even admits that if they are having family time (could be either sat or sun) then she will not even reply to texts until the next day.

Yanbu and this is exactly what I am dreading

SP It's shit, isn't it? I'm a single parent and I've got friends who won't meet at the weekend unless their DH's are working or off playing golf. Fuckers.

Agree that it's hard to just go out and meet other people more suited to your situation, so there's no simple solution. Only thing I can suggest is arrange a date for Sunday lunch a week or two ahead and get it in writing (text will do) that they'll come, then text again maybe three or four days before the date and say 'Cant wait to catch up for lunch on Sunday as agreed, see you at x place at x time.'. If they then back out without good reason (the only good reasons being plague or alien abduction), then straight away go back to them and ask why they're cancelling your pre-arranged date as they're letting you down. You need to pull them up on their flakiness, otherwise they'll just keep doing it.

It's quite nice though (selfishly!) to know it isn't just me! If I've ever dared nervously mention this issue or similar ones on here in the past I am sternly told that my singleness shouldn't make any difference and I should have a house full of friends, married or otherwise!

It's like when you say "I'm lonely" and people start yelling at you to join clubs ...

I know it wont be an immediate solution but could you join a book club? They usually meet evenings, then it may extend into meeting other weekend aloners.

I'm not a book person at all. A book club round here will be elderly people

Erm........

Sunday job?

I've been applying for months but getting no where

I think the thing here is Mortified (and have to laugh at the timing of our two posts!) is that the OP isn't bored, she's lonely. Long lonely Sundays are the utter pits.

You can fill them, yes, of course you can. Read a book, sort out the cupboards, hoover the house, do the garden. It doesn't actually stop you feeling discontent and unhappy and out of sorts.

What you NEED is a big belly laugh with your mates, a hug from your mum, a squabble with siblings. This is the problem with threads about "I need company" - they always turn into "this is how you can fill your time" when that isn't what the OP needs or wants.

Sorry if I'm assuming there OP.

No, you are correct we I have all my nights to do stuff like that as I'm alone every single night of the week.

Sorry. Just trying to think of suggestions that might put the op into circles of other people who have sundays to fill. She cant force her friends to accomodate her, much as that is the easiest solution. Therefore the only reasonable suggestion imo is to find other friends.

Ooh SP I'm from the Leeds area, all my mates have gone off to uni and forgotten about me (how thoughtless of me to get pregnant right before uni ) so I'll join you for a carvery anytime!

I should organise a lonely Leeds lunch!

Gingerbread? It's quite funky these days I hear.

Couples/weekends = hallowed ground. They should add it to the 10 commandments: thou shalt not contravene holy weekends and part the couple asunder.

(yy I get it that weekdays are busy and that weekends are good bonding times.. but every weekend??)

Get some single friends on the go, OP. Any which way. Most couples are losers at w/e's ime.

just flying the flag in defense of people who want to hang out with dh and kids at the weekend (though making a plan and cancelling is not on)

I hardly see DH during the week to talk to properly and doing things with him and the kids is lovely and makes up for the hard slog of the week.

I would say friendships wax and wane depending on people's circumstances and if this group of 'smug marrieds' are not making you happy then let those friendships slide and try to make some that fit with where you are.

Friendship should be an enjoyable not resentment creating experience and sounds like you are not getting what you need. However it is not fair to condemn people for wanting to spend time with their families.

Not condemning people for spending time with their families, but for dumping their friends who don't have families.

I'd understand if these couples had kids or didn't see each other much but that's not the case at all.

And I haven't condemned anyone

My DC are grown up now, and I'm single SP

If I lived in Leeds I'd go with you, love a good pub lunch,

Unfortunately though, I'm in Aberdeen, so a wee bit too far to travel.

you may not be but there is quite a lot of 'family time' bashing on this thread.

You obvs feel very strongly about their apparent selfishness. Why not tell them how you are feeling?

Because they don't see my situation as that bad or lonely. They say 'oh, I'd live time away from partner' then when they have the chance dont bother.

Sp it sounds like you need some nice new friends! I have a toddler too and dh works away a lot which can make meet ups tricky but I still manage to make time for all my friends. Friends should accept and embrace the things that are important to you like your son so I find it really off that they aren't interested in meeting with you when he is there!

I lol forward to seeing my dh on the rare weekends we get but there's always time to see a friend especially if we knew they were at a loose end.
Defo build up some single mates who are up for a laugh.

How do I find single mates? Go into and look for the spare wheels?