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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or this not on?

148 replies

Soontobemama · 26/10/2013 10:24

For your husband to decide to go to the pub after work without bothering to let you know when you're at home with his 11 week old baby?

Because that's what my 'D' H did yesterday and I'm not happy. He usually finished around 5 and calls me to let me know he is on the train and then I go and pick him up. When it was nearing 6 with no word from him I tried calling him and emailed him. No response. I called him 3 times in an hour and each call was ignored.

He got in just after 7 and was drunk. Won't have it that he has done anything wrong as he wasn't out late. To me that's not the point. I had no idea where he was and what if I had been trying to contact him in an emergency? He had no idea why I called 3 times but still didnt pick up or call me back.

I look forward to him getting home at night and clock watch as its a small break for me. Obviously as he was drunk I couldn't leave our baby with him at all so I had to do everything myself. He is still in bed now!

OP posts:
NotYoMomma · 26/10/2013 10:26

well I would be annoyed but it wasn't too late and I think it would depend if it was a one off or a frequent thing

Cleorapter · 26/10/2013 10:27

YANBU

He could have just called you to let you know. It's not that hard.

LindyHemming · 26/10/2013 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameDeepRedBetty · 26/10/2013 10:30

To clarify, you're pissed off with the failure to communicate rather than the drunkeness?

Yanbu, it's not hard to send a text or make a call, just to say you're having (say) a birthday drink on a Friday and will be on a later train.

LindyHemming · 26/10/2013 10:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Soontobemama · 26/10/2013 10:34

I'm pissed off with both. There was no reason for him to go out he just wanted to. By how drunk he was he had obviously left work early to go drinking.

I'm annoyed that he didnt bother to let me know. I'm also annoyed that he thinks its appropriate to come home drunk when WE have a small baby. He obviously assumes that its my job to look after the baby while he does what he likes. Or he thinks that its ok to care for our son when he's drunk and a danger to him.

OP posts:
diddl · 26/10/2013 10:37

I think it odd that he didn't call at least to say that he wouldn't need collecting.

I don't think all men get that you have been at home with a baby all day though & are desperately looking forward to them coming home.

I suppose if he knew he wouldn't be long he didn't think that it warranted a call-because he didn't realise that you were counting down to him coming home?

maras2 · 26/10/2013 10:38

Is he up yet?

SarahBumBarer · 26/10/2013 10:41

There was no reason for him to go out he just wanted to

Yanbu, he should have let you know but you are being a bit unreasonable about this ^^

Isn't that a reason? He wanted to. This is actually ok y'know - to want to go out for a couple of hours. Is that why he did not let you know? Because he knows that you would not think it was ok?

verytellytubby · 26/10/2013 10:41

He got in at 7pm?

maras2 · 26/10/2013 10:42

Oops.OP was only a few minutes ago.Wake him up with a cuppa and hand over baby for a few hours.Don't let it spoil your weekend even though he's a thoughtless git.

Original poster
Soontobemama · 26/10/2013 10:44

He knows I wouldn't have been happy. It was his 2nd night out this week. He was also out twice last week.

Am I the only person who thinks when you have a baby its both parents responsibility then? I can't just decide I'm sodding off out to get pissed whenever the mood takes me so why should he be able to?

OP posts:
Howsuper · 26/10/2013 10:45

It's annoying and I'd have felt the same as you - but from his point of view he went for a drink on a Friday night and was back by 7pm.

You can see why he wouldn't think that was unreasonable?

I'd just say 'can you let me know next time, and can I have the time in lieu please ie I want two hours off tonight at bedtime'?

SarahBumBarer · 26/10/2013 10:46

Defensive much? Most people are totally agreeing with you so you are hardly the "only person" to think that a baby is both parents responsibility. Even I who think YABabitU agree that of course it is both parents responsibility. But that does not mean that on some nights one parent can take responsibility while the other has 2 hours out.

petalsandstars · 26/10/2013 10:46

No lie in.

Hoovering needs doing outside the bedroom door, slip a bit on the door too.
I'd be fuming.

NotYoMomma · 26/10/2013 10:46

no you are not he is bang out of order from what you have said since, it wasnt clear in your OP if it was a one off or a constant entitled attitude.

he is a selfish nob who needs to step up.

dh would have done this once and never ever got away with it again. Angry

SarahBumBarer · 26/10/2013 10:46

*can't

Howsuper · 26/10/2013 10:46

X posted. Why can't you decide to go out for a drink with your friends, once he's home? Because you're breast feeding or because you feel you shouldn't or because he's home late?

Original poster
Soontobemama · 26/10/2013 10:47

Yes he got home at 7pm but the time isn't the issue. He was too drunk to be safe to look after his baby. Meaning he had purposefully left work early to go drinking. He didnt even feel he had an obligation to let me know. He certainly didnt think that he ought to come home and give me a break.

OP posts:
headoverheels · 26/10/2013 10:47

Agree with howsuper. Just make sure he does bedtime tonight.

SarahBumBarer · 26/10/2013 10:48

It is still not clear Notyo. Twice this week does sound a bit more of a concern but if that is the first time since baby was born it is not so bad and also depends on how long the first night out was. Lots of parents don't even get home from work until 7 pm and it did mean that OP did not have to leave the house to pick him up. If he normally leaves work at 5 what time does he actually get home - just how late was he?

Heartbrokenmum73 · 26/10/2013 10:50

If he was home by 7 and has a train to get too, how drunk could he realistically have been?

NotYoMomma · 26/10/2013 10:50

and twice last week I think she said?

Heartbrokenmum73 · 26/10/2013 10:51

Ah, xposts. He'd left work early to go drinking.

SarahBumBarer · 26/10/2013 10:52

yes sorry meant *twicethis this week and last.

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