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Original poster

To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

689 replies

NancyShrew · 25/10/2013 11:13

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

OP posts:
Lazysuzanne · 30/10/2013 23:38

'Lazysuzanne, why do you find male strippers grim and embarrassing but female strippers are fine?'

It's just my personal response Caitlin, I know some women like to go to the shows but I have no interest, it just leaves me cold.
Just like football leaves me cold, I dont enjoy opera and I dont watch TOWIE
I also have no desire to watch female strippers.

But if people want to work as strippers or watch strippers thats up to them... it's none of my business

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 30/10/2013 23:45

A while ago in this thread we were talking about power. Someone said that the consumer always had the power, which didn't seem quite right when someone compared the situation with the power of huge retail brands and outlets, who don't need one particular customers' money (though obviously they do need the target markets' money).

In the case of a stripclub, it seems clear that the club owners have all the power really.

But if you pare the situation down to one woman stripping, and one man paying, free of all other contexts and pressures, then I'd say the person with the power is the person who can walk away from the situation with nothing to lose. And that person is almost always going to be the customer.

Lazysuzanne · 31/10/2013 00:08

You're talking about the 'principle of least interest'

Ie the person with the greatest need has the least power.

The customer is getting whatever gratification it is that he's getting, the stipper is getting money, I don't see why the customer is nearly always the person with the least interest in the transaction?

justanuthermanicmumsday · 31/10/2013 00:16

If my husband did that I'd divorce him and no family member would object, they're very straight cut on issues like this and so am I.

Maybe rub his nose in it first tell him you're going to see male strippers full exposure, see if he likes that,I really doubt he will.

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 31/10/2013 00:27

"The customer is getting whatever gratification it is that he's getting, the stipper is getting money, I don't see why the customer is nearly always the person with the least interest in the transaction?"

Because not getting a minor form of sexual gratification on a night out is not a huge loss. And they keep their money to boot. Not earning money during your working hours is quite a significant loss. And they have nothing extra to gain (as far as I can see) from the transaction other than money.

Lazysuzanne · 31/10/2013 00:42

No, it would come down to how much the individual stripper needed the money from that customer, vs how much the customer needed the gratification.

I dont see how you can know for sure where the balance of power lies, it clearly depends on the individual circumstances of the persons concerned.

HeadsDownThumbsUp · 31/10/2013 00:46

Well, assuming that the individual stripper feels that they need the money enough to strip for it.

If they don't do it, then they don't get the money.

If the customer doesn't pay for a dance, then so what?

Lazysuzanne · 31/10/2013 00:52

you presumably speak from the position of someone who feels stripping is an extreme thing to do, a stripper may well see it as no big deal or easy money.
She may have stacks of £50 notes under her mattress and not really care about whether a customer wants to pay her or not.

Or she may hate the job but do it because she really needs the money and has no other way of getting it.

Or any number of other scenario's

Lazysuzanne · 31/10/2013 01:04

we're back to the assumption that stripping is a job that someone would only do out of desperation when there are no other options open to her.

Of course desperate people tend to be more vulnerable to exploitation, but there are women who work as strippers, escorts etc out of choice, it can be lucrative, as Fester has said she doesnt need to work many hours to earn enough money.

If I could easily earn several hundred quid for just a few hours work I don't think I'd feel as if any particular customer had much power over me.

Strumpetron · 31/10/2013 10:29

^Well, assuming that the individual stripper feels that they need the money enough to strip for it.

If they don't do it, then they don't get the money^

People have given up 'respectable' day jobs for stripping, so it's not like they never had a choice.

festered · 31/10/2013 10:31

There are other options of work for me, obviously. I'm well educated and of sound mind.
I just prefer to work 14 hours a week instead of 40.

livingzuid · 31/10/2013 11:04

But what do you do when your looks and age catch up with you? Not you personally Ofc but there's got to be a shelf life for this type of work?

IHATEMYBITS · 31/10/2013 11:13

Then I guess I will do something else :)

I do have a career in mind for as I age. I have a while yet though. :)

festered · 31/10/2013 11:16

Lol sorry that was me posting, I changed my name momentarily and forgot :)

Lazysuzanne · 31/10/2013 11:21

when looks and age catch up with her she may have invested her money, bought a property outright and be able to live quite comfortably

livingzuid · 31/10/2013 11:32

Suzanne I am sure some people are sensible with their money but a lot aren't. Even if you moved to somewhere cheaper in the world that money runs out at some point anyway. I don't buy this opinion that strip clubs are filled to the brim with bright young things all training to be doctors and lawyers and accountants or being the next JK Rowling. You have a lot of life left in you still I am sure by the time stripping days are over and it takes more than a good set of investments to live above the poverty line for the next 30-40 years. I also said I wasn't referring to her personally but interested to know what happens after.

Gl festered :) sounds like the next step in a grand adventure.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 31/10/2013 11:40

Didn't the OP come back to say how her DP reacted?

festered · 31/10/2013 11:52

Thank you :)
I do save like crazy anyway, I have to really because with stripping, or any self-employment really-you have to allow for times when you cannot work, if you cannot work you don't earn-if I'm sick or something then I have to take time off obviously.
I do have another career in mind that I want to pursue as I get older. Also the higher earners in strip clubs do tend to be the older (35-45) year olds, not the younger girls. Probably something to do with them taking the job more seriously, and having more experience. A lot of the job is to do with gift of the gab, and being a salesperson. It isn't as looks orientated as some would believe, cannot stress that enough.

Lazysuzanne · 31/10/2013 12:03

Festered I guess in your line of work you have to keep slim and in shape, that given it's possible to look good into your late 40's and beyond, obviously one's face shows signs of age but with make up and some non invasive cosmetic work I can see that it would be possible to stay in the business longer than most would think.

Perhaps it's not too late for me to change career after all (only joking I'd be rubbish)

I'm self employed and I know all about making hay while the sun shines Wink

festered · 31/10/2013 12:17

:)
Yes it does help to keep oneself in shape and I don't mind this, I'm a lot healthier for being a stripper-I have to exercise and keep toned, it's my living and obviously that's not a bad thing for other areas of life :)
Don't get me wrong though I'm not some great beauty or anything! I just make the best of what I have got :)

pinkhalf · 31/10/2013 20:21

Actually the question of what you do after it goes south is quite interesting. Ime, you often find old pro strippers managing clubs, managing girls, or being a "mother" (that's looking after a young girl just starting out being a prostitute). So often they continue in the business. That is often because you don't have much else, and all your employment experience is in the industry. Conventional employers still frown on it, so it can be difficult to leave.

Strangely I didn't meet many who ended up having a conventional job after they finished. A lot who were at college, but they didn't seem to use the degrees to any professional end... its a job that changes your outlook.

Caitlin17 · 31/10/2013 20:34

The use of the word "mother" in conjunction with " looking after a young girl just starting out being a prostitute" disgusts me.

pinkhalf · 31/10/2013 21:16

It is disgusting, but it is common where prostitutes are young, foreign and under control by criminals. Older women are there to both reassure and keep young girls in trade.

Caitlin17 · 31/10/2013 21:24

"Keep young girls in the trade"
Yes, just keep digging.

pinkhalf · 31/10/2013 21:35

Don't blame me for the way it is. It's not my fault that women are prostituted, or that they are desperate enough to find an older woman to help them along. Blame the men that use these services. Language is the least of it- perhaps I should have called them empowerment managers. But they call them "mum" because they are basically lonely children whose own mothers have sold them to a trafficker.