To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

[NancyShrew]

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

I never used to have a problem with them. Then ended up with one with xp and friends. I had no problems untill he had private dances. I could see what was going on. I was made to feel silly especially when ge refused to leave when i was clearly upset.
I now have big problem with it. I would not be with someone who had private dances.
Told my new partner if he wants to go he can but no private dances.
He doesn't give a toss though. Some blokes dont enjoy these places. My partner thinks its a waste of time and partner. He says if he wanted to see naked women he can see me.

I understand your objections (I share them), but my DH got taken to one in the US when on a business trip and really couldn't get out of it. Knowing him I am pretty sure that he was seriously embarrassed by the whole thing and would never choose to go again. So I wasn't angry about it.

However - had there been a private dance I would have gone postal on him.

I think he really needs to understand why it's wrong on every level.
You don't happen to have a daughter do you?

YANBU, this would be a dealbreaker for me. And you bloody well told him so before he went. He's a twat.

I think given that he knew you didn't want him to go it was unfair of him to not discuss it further but honestly I have no real issue with DH watching porn and I thought it was funny he got dragged along and given a lapdance on his stag do. It has nothing to do with us, me or our real life together. The separate issue of exploitation / objectification of women is something else, but not what the OP was about. How would you feel if you wanted to do something and he said he didn't want you to and got huffy if you did it anyway?

Is your dh not a grown man who knows his own mind then when he had to be dragged along?-fairy

I agree pin up. But using the insult of fairy is not appropriate.

grennie i think pinup was answering fairylightsinthe autumn and just shortened her name.

Not exactly the point there PinUp. In fact, questioning Fairy's OH is completely irrelevant, unless we're going to have a whole other discussion on whether it's acceptable to bow to peer pressure as an adult.

Oh okay. Sorry pinup.

A private dance? Wow! I don't know how I would deal with this!

There is a big difference between a guy being dragged along to a strip club and then feeling a bit awkward about being there, and a guy who goes and then pays a woman for a personal erotic dance.

I don't know if I could ever just accept it and move on...

I really feel for you OP, I'd be heartbroken I reckon.

I went with my OH to a strip club on a night out once (my idea ). I genuinely wanted to see what it was like. It was dire and I felt sorry for the girls. The fact that your OH had a private dance just shows he didn't feel the same way as me .

I wouldn't exactly have his guts for garters though, some men view it (rightly or wrongly) as some sort of rite of passage, and maybe there was an element of peer pressure from the 'lads' egging him on. Maybe if you could have a discussion with him about why it makes you feel upset, and say 'How would you feel if a greased up male stripper straddled me in a chair with some Tip Top sprayed on his nether- regions?' I am pretty sure any man would be made to feel inadequate if put in this position.

I agree with Fairy. The disrespect to OP is the issue here. Issues surrounding the adult entertainment industry are completely separate.

My OH has been to a club on a friend's stag do. They all had private dances. He also watches porn. And I honestly don't care. It's no reflection on whether or not he loves me. They're just boobs.

And bums...

With bleached bum holes.

If he argues, then tell him in plain terms (bluffingly perhaps) that you and your friends are going to see the Chippendales.

*And bums...

With bleached bum holes.*

Agree with jolleigh and fairy.
I've been to them with DH, and you can't lump all the women

Well its good he told you the complete truth even though he knew you would be annoyed.

My own view would be that I have my own opinion on strip clubs but ultimately my oh would make his own choices.

You have expressed your displeasure and your views so I would leave it at that.

They aren't just boobs and bums, they are women.

Ah - now creepy, my DH and i had a rather heated debate about that exact thing.

We were talking about a MN thread last year about guys and private dances/strip clubs/partners being hurt about it, and he said something about his brother's wife going to see the Chipendales. I said that there is no comparison between a stage show like that and a private dance.

Agree with jolleigh and fairy.
I've been to them with DH, and you can't lump all the women into the same category. I know one who chose to do it.
I really can't get myself worked up about if. Just boobs. He still comes home to mine.

Just because you knew one woman who chose to do it, doesn't make it all right.

I wouldn't mind if my wife went to a make strip club,have private dances all night too if she wants. Haven't been to somewhere like that in twenty year but it was always a no touching, only looking rule unless you wanted a bouncer to give you a kicking.

My main objection would be the waste of money!

I wouldn't really want someone coming home to my boobs after paying to ogle someone elses.
Chippendales stuff is grim, shit and embarrassing.

Grennie - he didn't go there for the complete woman. He went there to have boobs and bums jiggled in his face. They've not sat and discussed life's foibles and what makes them both tick.

And that is the why it is objectifying women Jolleigh. Because these women are complete women. They are not just boobs and bums.