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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I gave my friend armfuls of clothes as she had started a new job and had nothing smart to wear

151 replies

redrubyshoes · 23/10/2013 20:20

She was made redundant and it took nearly a year for her to find a new job. Her new position needed her to look smart and I let her raid my wardrobe for suitable clothes and shoes.

The clothes she took with my blessing were LK Bennett, Mulberry, Hobbs etc and I wished her well in her new job.

She told me yesterday she had sold the lot on Ebay for £500+

I gave her the clothes to WEAR not flog. I was made redundant earlier this year and I know how it feels but found work quite quickly (with a massive pay cut).

Ermmm I could have sold them! AIBU? Confused Should I ask for 50% of the sale?

OP posts:
havingastress · 23/10/2013 20:22

That's awful. Genuinely shocked Shock

She's no friend!

I would definitely let her know how you feel.

CoffeeTea103 · 23/10/2013 20:22

You did give it to her so I guess it was hers to do with whatever she chooses.

ArlingtonStringham · 23/10/2013 20:23

Wow - she actually told you?!!!! Serious cheek

ssd · 23/10/2013 20:23

good grief Shock

InTheRedCorner · 23/10/2013 20:23

What did you say when she told you she had sold them?

Massively rude on her part.

WooWooOwl · 23/10/2013 20:24

I wouldn't ask her for the money, but I'd have to tell her that I was pissed off with her actions. Whether the friendship continued would depend on her reaction to my annoyance.

bundaberg · 23/10/2013 20:24

omg how rude!

cees · 23/10/2013 20:24

Did you give her the clothes to keep or borrow?

gamerchick · 23/10/2013 20:25

As she actually chose the clothes from your wardrobe.. I would ask. Then tell her you'll never be helping her out like that again.

bimbabirba · 23/10/2013 20:25

That's just wrong. Morally they were not hers to sell, only to wear. I would be fuming and would break the friendship

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 23/10/2013 20:25

I think she's taking the piss. You gave her those clothes to help her get back on her feet not for her to sell.

Lamu · 23/10/2013 20:26

YANBU

Did you give them or lend them to her? If you gave them to her then surely you can't complain what she does with them.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 23/10/2013 20:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doggydaft · 23/10/2013 20:27

I would be absolutely furious at any friend ( using the term very loosely) who did this.
There is no way I would be able to brush this of without making my feelings very clear.
This would be a friendship ended for me unless there were extremely mitigating circumstances Sad

DevilsRoulette · 23/10/2013 20:27

Is it possible that she used the money to buy other clothes?

I think that once you have given someone something, that's the end of your right to it or involvement with it (unless at the time of giving it you gave conditions), from that point on it is their property, to do with as they please. But even though I know that logically, I'd still have the huff on and have to say something! It's not in the spirit of the gift, is it?

cees · 23/10/2013 20:27

Even if you did give them to her, she was wrong to sell them instead of offering them back.

So YANBU

raisah · 23/10/2013 20:28

The mercenary cow. Ask for 50% of the profits.
The key thing is did you lend her the clothes or give it to her to keep? If the former, then she had no right to sell without your permission so you are entitled to ask for 50% if not all of the profits.

KittyMcFumble · 23/10/2013 20:28

That's really churlish of your friend to sell the clothes but she should have had the sense to keep her gob shut about it. What a cheek!
Are you going to tell her you're v pissed off with her?
If one of my friends did that to me I wouldn't give them the steam off my piss in the future!

SeaSickSal · 23/10/2013 20:31

A friend did this to me once. It was an apple mac I gave him. He was unemployed and said he needed it for his writing and sold it straight away. If he had told me he was going to sell it I wouldn't have minded, if he had perhaps given me some sort of token amount from the sale.

If I was you I would ask her for half the money on point of principle. She should have asked you if it would be okay to sell.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 23/10/2013 20:32

You should ask her for half the money.

Corygal · 23/10/2013 20:34

I frequently give clothes like this away, cracking stuff - and to be honest, I wouldn't mind that much if it were a really close friend and she's gone off them. I might be proud of them for making 500 quid, in fact.

But I would be absolutely horrified if I thought I was helping out someone in trouble and realised they were out to make money from my kindness -the fact she chose the stuff suggests the latter scenario.

I'd ask for some of the money. Yep, really - what have you got to lose?

29chapel · 23/10/2013 20:35

she is profiteering from your generosity. I would ask for the money.

gamerchick · 23/10/2013 20:38

If it was just a bag of clothes I had sorted out then I probably wouldn't care. But if somebody picked through my wardrobe and chose the clothes and then sold them I would be really pissed off about it. It's the actually saying something that I can't believe. Quite cheeky.

What did you say to her then OP?

HelloBoys · 23/10/2013 20:38

Ask for some of the money.

I think she was being bloody cheeky but then again you gave her free rein.

Did you say you didn't want them/planned to Ebay them etc? Maybe she feels you have a lot of nice things (clothes etc) so it doesn't matter so much e.g. you can afford it if she sells them. Hence her telling you she sold them.

I've had stuff I didn't want - that I may have given away to close friend/charity shop that was naice e.g. Karen Millen, Miu Miu, Chloe etc but I've either Ebayed/charity shop or given to friend. where they go from then on up to them.

Hope you get this sorted though as it's really riled you.

Supergeek · 23/10/2013 20:39

That is shockingly rude. I would be seriously pissed off with any friend who did that. They were a gift to help her out, not profit from. How cheeky.

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