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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I gave my friend armfuls of clothes as she had started a new job and had nothing smart to wear

151 replies

redrubyshoes · 23/10/2013 20:20

She was made redundant and it took nearly a year for her to find a new job. Her new position needed her to look smart and I let her raid my wardrobe for suitable clothes and shoes.

The clothes she took with my blessing were LK Bennett, Mulberry, Hobbs etc and I wished her well in her new job.

She told me yesterday she had sold the lot on Ebay for £500+

I gave her the clothes to WEAR not flog. I was made redundant earlier this year and I know how it feels but found work quite quickly (with a massive pay cut).

Ermmm I could have sold them! AIBU? Confused Should I ask for 50% of the sale?

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 24/10/2013 10:35

Op, you sound lovely.
She doesn't.

I am gobstruck at her cheek doing this. Whatever she felt the "legal" position was, to see these clothes that clearly meant a lot to you, on so quickly is morally out of order.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/10/2013 10:36

Since she knew you were giving her the clothes so she had a good 'work' wardrobe, I think she was very wrong to sell them. I would see it as a betrayal of the friendship, and I would be telling her how upset I was. YANBU-at-all!

QuintsHollow · 24/10/2013 17:16

Unless, Mulberry and designer clothes would make her stick out like a sore thumb in her new job, and she sold the clothes to fund a work wardrobe that she would feel well in and look part of the work culture?

If so, your clothes have fulfilled their mission, in a roundabout way!

NicknameIncomplete · 24/10/2013 17:27

So what I gather from the posts the OP said to her friend that she could have a look in her wardrobe to see if there was anything that she wanted for her new job. The friend had a look, took some items and within a month had sold them on ebay.

What a cow.

If it was me and my friend had suggested that I raid her wardrobe for clothes i would have a look and if nothing was suitable I would not take anything and thank my friend for her offer. But then I am a decent person. Your friend OP isnt.

QuintsHollow · 24/10/2013 17:30

Maybe she did not realize the clothes were unsuitable until after she had started her job?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/10/2013 17:32

Quints - the OP's friend chose those clothes from the OP's wardrobe - why would she choose clothes that weren't suitable for her new workplace? And even if she later found out the clothes were unsuitable, wouldn't it have been the decent thing to do to contact the OP, explain that the clothes really weren't right for her workplace, and ask the OP if she minded the clothes being sold. Even though they were a gift, I still think that would have been the right thing to do.

harticus · 24/10/2013 17:32

If she had given them to a charity shop I'd be more forgiving but to flog them for profit is outrageous.
And I would let her know as much.
Greedy mare.

QuintsHollow · 24/10/2013 17:33

Maybe she did not realize?

I am just trying to see it from a different perspective!

HangingGardenOfBabbysBum · 24/10/2013 17:34

In your shoes, I would respectfully ask what she was playing at and suggest that she donate her grubby profit to a charity of your choice.

She has overstepped the boundaries of friendship so please don't worry about upsetting her over this.

You did a lovely kind thing. She took the piss.

Don't let her get away with it.

QuintsHollow · 24/10/2013 17:35

Well, if she sold them to buy work clothes, then the clothes achieved their purpose, and OP should perhaps not care so much about who wears them, or what brands her friend is wearing to work. Maybe they just did not sit right on her? Were not flattering?

waltermittymissus · 24/10/2013 17:37

Say to her

"Aw that was nice of you to try to make me some money off them! Do you want to pop around with it or will I come pick it up?"

Mim78 · 24/10/2013 18:23

That is terrible. You should definitely ask for half the money. She clearly knew why you were giving/lending them to her.

LondonNicki · 24/10/2013 18:35

My jaw literally hit the floor....!!! Wtf??

That's so rude of her to do it and then not to be shame-faced enough to keep it quiet. She should have told you she wasn't going to wear them anymore and would you like them back/would you mind if she donated them to charity etc. you have them to her as a nice thing to do because you wanted her to look nice and feel confident. (Those were the unspoken conditions attached)

Now you may as well have handed her £500 for whatever...that was not your attention.

I really wouldn't be giving her anything else ever..

OhBabyLilyMunster · 24/10/2013 18:46

Absolute massive cheeky bitch. I cant actually get over it.

phantomnamechanger · 24/10/2013 19:01

If you had given friend first dibs on a bag of stuff you had sorted for the charity shop, then that's one thing. But she basically helped herself to a good selection of stuff from your wardrobe, then flogged it all straight away! Bloody hell, she has no boundaries - that is just plain wrong! And she needs telling.

IamInvisisble · 24/10/2013 19:11

Shock What a cheeky bitch!

VisualCharades · 24/10/2013 19:13

wot a nasty grabby lady

GaryBuseysTeeth · 24/10/2013 19:13

All levels of wrongness.
Has she told you what she's done with the money?
What's she wearing to work?

alemci · 24/10/2013 19:18

no yanbu, what a rotten thing to do. would defriend her.

foreverondiet · 24/10/2013 19:22

So rude! When i give stuff now I always make it clear what to do when finished with it. I would ask for the money but I don't think she'll give it.

PAsSweetOrangeLurve · 24/10/2013 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

xCupidStuntx · 24/10/2013 19:26

What did you say when she told you she sold them?

EndoplasmicReticulum · 24/10/2013 19:27

Maybe show her this thread?

LondonNinja · 24/10/2013 19:29

What did you saaaaaaaay?

RogueRebel · 24/10/2013 19:30

YANBU.

If you were having a clear out and said these are going no matter what, fair enough but that didn't happen. its clear you look after and keep your clothes for a long time. I assume she would know this.
She clearly chose the clothes so you would assume she liked them so would want to wear them it all seems very fast for a honest mistake of ownership.