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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I gave my friend armfuls of clothes as she had started a new job and had nothing smart to wear

151 replies

redrubyshoes · 23/10/2013 20:20

She was made redundant and it took nearly a year for her to find a new job. Her new position needed her to look smart and I let her raid my wardrobe for suitable clothes and shoes.

The clothes she took with my blessing were LK Bennett, Mulberry, Hobbs etc and I wished her well in her new job.

She told me yesterday she had sold the lot on Ebay for £500+

I gave her the clothes to WEAR not flog. I was made redundant earlier this year and I know how it feels but found work quite quickly (with a massive pay cut).

Ermmm I could have sold them! AIBU? Confused Should I ask for 50% of the sale?

OP posts:
Twoandtwomakeschaos · 23/10/2013 22:09

You offered her smart clothes for work. She looked through your wardrobe and made choices, it wasn't a bundle of clothes you had sorted for a charity shop. At best she was disengenuous tho', tbh, she sounds more devious. Finally, if she was done with them, it is courteous to double check with the donor (which I did recently on getting rid of a huge bag of maternity clothes I had been given). I have also taken to asking people, if I have given lots of, e.g. v. good nick baby clothes to, to asking them to be passed on or donated to a charity shop if they are no use tho' I realise I cannot enforce it. I would feel rather "off" myself, trying to make money from something given to me as I was in need, when passing it on could make someone else's life better.

verytellytubby · 23/10/2013 22:10

Absolutely shocking!!

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 23/10/2013 22:14

X-post with OP!! The fact tht you were prepared to give her stuff that you liked a lot because she was a friend that you regret premanently lost suggests you ought to "call" her on this. It's almost certainly too late, but is any of the more precious stuff retrievable from Ebay (as she didn't really have the right to sell them) on repayment of the costs, postage, etc. naturally .....?

IHaveA · 23/10/2013 22:17

When did she take the clothes?

Original poster
redrubyshoes · 23/10/2013 22:59

Ihavea

I gave them to her about a month ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
redrubyshoes · 23/10/2013 23:06

Candycoatedwaterdrops

I have a hand embroidered/beaded 1920's silk/velvet shawl with a magnificent peacock design. It is wonderful and you may borrow it for any 'flapper' ball you are invited to. Wink

OP posts:
QuintessentialFucker · 23/10/2013 23:12

What a bitch. Sad

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/10/2013 23:17

She should have asked you for permission before selling them, sod whose property they are, it would have been basic decency to ask you if you would like them back.

IHaveA · 24/10/2013 08:59

A month ago Shock Shock Shock. You definitely have to do something. Sad

butterflyexperience · 24/10/2013 09:05

What a bitch
Ask for the money

pixiepotter · 24/10/2013 09:19

It may be that she is really struggling in the period between starting work and her first pay day and values eating more than fashion.
I would be a bit Hmm that she hs raised £500 from them.Secondhand clothe and shoes don't fetch much at all.In fact most people give them to charity shops.I think she has behaved badly but you can't ask her for the money backd

sparechange · 24/10/2013 09:25

What a total bitch!
And I don't buy the 'you gave them to her' camp
You gave them to her to wear, not to sell
The point at which she wants to do something different, she should have asked you.
I would be fuming in your position!

Pixieonthemoor · 24/10/2013 09:34

Disgusting behaviour. If you had had a clear out and had a bag destined for the charity shop which went to her instead then I think it would be ok to sell (as long as she checked with you first). However, what she did was to pick through your wardrobe, made her selections ....and then sold them??? It's absolutely outrageous - I would be making my feelings very clear, demanding the money and then cutting the friendship. WHO behaves like that???? Not a friend, that's for sure.

ajandjjmum · 24/10/2013 09:35

She's no friend.

meekenough · 24/10/2013 09:39

wow, that is cheeky, you could have done with that money.

HelloBoys · 24/10/2013 09:40

I don't think she is a friend of yours.

Like others have said it'd be good to hear what she said when you confronted/asked her about this.

It's been a month, not a lot you can do. Maybe if you did want to salvage your friendship and she is hard up for cash you could say the money she's made from Ebay you are lending her either part or all of it and she must pay you back, eg 3-6 months time.

The items you should not have let go - sorry well that's your call then, you shouldn't have given them to her.

It almost seems like it was a ploy on her behalf to make money out of you by selecting and Ebaying them (and a month seems the right timespan to do this). in that case then that behaviour IS underhand, dishonest and nasty and I'd consider cutting the friendship.

I've had a friend before accuse me and another friend of defrauding her (benefit fraud - would NEVER have done this and I was working at the time). It turned to be a ploy on the part of the friend accuser to get more benefit money or con the benefits people. But it was a nasty plan. THAT ended my friendship with this person.

fuzzpig · 24/10/2013 09:41

That's horrible :(

WowOoo · 24/10/2013 09:42

I gave my friend some clothes I didn't wear anymore.
She told me she'd tried them all on. Could she sell the remaining stuff that didn't suit? Yes, I said as I couldn't be bothered.

What did I get? She insisted on giving me 60%. I refused, but took maybe 45%. She showed me all the ebay pages and helped me start eBaying. We bought some new stuff with the profits.

It's really sad for you that your generosity hasn't been returned.
I don't think there's anything I would do.
You know she needed some money. You've been extremely kind.
Hold your head up high. I would not be able to talk to her for some time.

MrsDeVere · 24/10/2013 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 24/10/2013 09:52

She sounds grabby and rude.

Your clothes, on the other hand, sound amazing. Can I come round and play dress ups please??

lottieandmia · 24/10/2013 10:00

I think if you give anything away you need to be clear if you want it back tbh. It sounds as though you didn't want the clothes back but didn't want her to sell them. She obviously thinks that what she has done is ok or she wouldn't have been up front about it?

However, if I had been the one who had been given the clothes I would certainly have asked you first before selling them. In fact I would have kept them in case you needed them back. Your friend sounds rather insensitive to say the least.

lottieandmia · 24/10/2013 10:01

If I were you I would be honest with her about how you feel.

lottieandmia · 24/10/2013 10:03

There was a thread like this a long time ago where someone loaned her maternity wardrobe to a friend. Later the OP needed the maternity clothes again because she was pg, she asked friend for the clothes back and discovered she had sold them on ebay.

MegaClutterSlut · 24/10/2013 10:14

I had a mate do this recently though nothing near the value of your stuff. Gave her some toys for her dc and now she's been selling them on my local fb groups and I get rage every time I see the pics so I've hidden them Grin

If she had asked me if this was ok to sell them, I would've probably said yes as long as the dc got the money spent on them. It's just bloody cheeky imo. Needless to say I've not given her anything else

GuillotineLibertine73 · 24/10/2013 10:30

No, this is bang out of order, had I been the friend,I would have assumed the clothes were lent until I got a few pay packets in and could buy my own stuff.

You were really kind, she was a grabby cow, one question..

Wtf is she wearing for work??