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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I gave my friend armfuls of clothes as she had started a new job and had nothing smart to wear

151 replies

redrubyshoes · 23/10/2013 20:20

She was made redundant and it took nearly a year for her to find a new job. Her new position needed her to look smart and I let her raid my wardrobe for suitable clothes and shoes.

The clothes she took with my blessing were LK Bennett, Mulberry, Hobbs etc and I wished her well in her new job.

She told me yesterday she had sold the lot on Ebay for £500+

I gave her the clothes to WEAR not flog. I was made redundant earlier this year and I know how it feels but found work quite quickly (with a massive pay cut).

Ermmm I could have sold them! AIBU? Confused Should I ask for 50% of the sale?

OP posts:
LondonNinja · 24/10/2013 22:33

You could ask her whether she bought any new clothes with the splutter £500...

I'm not sure why she told you about what she did tbh. Perhaps she just didn't compute that you valued the items - maybe she thinks they would have gone to charity or eBay anyway.

Still think it's weird, though.

YellowTulips · 24/10/2013 23:02

She behaved badly, but once you handed over these clothes you gave up any right to them.

I can understand why you are pissed off but I would chalk this one up to experience (and reconsider her position as friend).

Lazysuzanne · 24/10/2013 23:14

If someone gives you something it belongs to you and you can do what you like with it..on the other hand a gift is also a token of friendship, swapping the gift for money suggests that the friendship has no intrinsic value.
But that also means that gifts come with strings attached...

It's tricky, at the very least I'd expect a friend to be more tactful and not tell me she'd sold the gifts

CalamityKate · 24/10/2013 23:27

BUT WHAT DID YOU SAY????

Hallowhuey · 25/10/2013 00:18

No, a Mulberry waistcoat isn't worth that much.

Very weird.

magicberry · 25/10/2013 00:23

I would ask her for a cut. Be prepared for her to refuse/the friendship to end, but she's a bit of a cow anyway, TBH.

pixiepotter · 25/10/2013 07:59

i ao very sceptical with regards to yous claim that you opened up yous wardrobe and gave her complete carte blanche to take and keep anything and everything that took her fancy. That seems that either you have money to burn os are a martyr . Secondly the prices she claims to have got for second hand clothing on e bay doo t seen likely either

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 25/10/2013 08:49

She may have legally done nothing wrong, but morally she definitely has.
If I want rid of clothes I don't care what the recipients do with them, I just want them gone, but the clothes I get rid of are so much cheaper than the ones you're talking about.
Did you give them to her? Or was the understanding - use them for as long as you need? Either way I still think her behaviour is shocking but it would be nice to know.

LondonNinja · 25/10/2013 09:51

I'd really like to know what you said, OP Grin.

Please!

QuintsHollow · 25/10/2013 11:30

Maybe you can go and have a look in the shop? See if you find your clothes, and at what price tag.

xCupidStuntx · 25/10/2013 11:36

Seriously, what did you say when she told you??? Why are you ignoring that question?

Umamipaste · 25/10/2013 12:37

pixiepotter

I think the prices she claims seem very likely on eBay particularly for good quality stuff such as Mulberry/LK Bennett/Hobbs/Toast/Whistles. It can go for £££s. I sell a lot of stuff on there, and have often ended up making more than I paid for the item brand new. You'd be surprised.

Hallowhuey · 25/10/2013 15:44

Umamipaste look for yourself, no Mulberry waistcoat has gone for the amount OP mentioned in the past three months.

pixiepotter · 26/10/2013 10:33

I think the prices she claims seem very likely on eBay particularly for good quality stuff

Just done an ebay search on sold used Mulberry waistcoats , which the friend claimed she sold for £85.The prices they went for are between £3 and £19.Try it if you don't believe me.
But this then opens up another question? Why would the 'friend' tell the OP she had made all this money when she hadn't
Utterly bizarre!

lljkk · 26/10/2013 11:03

I would ask for half the money.
is it possible she pretended to make that much money because... she's embarrassed about being skint but gave the items away to a charity shop (didn't like them?) & is now covering her tracks why you won't see her wearing them but please don't do anything else nice for her because she's obviously going to be fine for money now?

Convoluted, I know, but impulsive liars will say very strange things out of pride. And they hurt you on purpose because of the shame they feel for not coping better, so it's a way of pushing others away.

pixiepotter · 26/10/2013 12:29

'Convoluted, I know, but impulsive liars will say very strange things out of pride. And they hurt you on purpose because of the shame they feel for not coping better, so it's a way of pushing others away.'

very good point.

thebody · 26/10/2013 12:31

cheeky bitch!!!!!

allmycats · 26/10/2013 12:49

I think that your 'friend' was very calculating - she chose which items she wanted and they were all high end high street clothing, which she sold on within the month.

You let her have them FOR HER to wear for work, she did not do this (and I don't think she ever intended to), yet she did not say to you that she was not going to wear them for the purpose you had given her.

I would ask her to replace them, like for like and see what she says to that.

And, yes, I think that this is the end of the friendship.

RandomMess · 26/10/2013 12:56

I think I'd be tempted that I was upset that she chose to take clothes that she didn't like enough to wear herself Sad

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 09/11/2013 01:47

Was there a resolution Ruby?

themaltesefalcon · 09/11/2013 03:58

I don't know if the United Nations concerns themselves with stuff like this.

ShinyBlackNose · 09/11/2013 05:17

What a stupid comment

Thants · 09/11/2013 07:38

You should ask for all the money! How rude of her. You tried to help her and she's thrown in back in your face.

PansOnFire · 09/11/2013 07:48

Absolutely disgusting behaviour on your 'friend's' behalf. She borrowed the clothes a month ago and they have already been sold? I'm sorry but she saw the designer labels and pound signs. Unfortunately, the pound signs were more visible to her than your friendship, either that or she thinks you're a pushover. No one in their right mind would flog their friend's designer clothes, even if you gave her the impression they were hers to keep a good friend would have said that they were thinking of selling them on eBay and checked to see if you were ok with it.

You need to tell her that you are not happy about it, see now she reacts and go from there. Completely disrespectful.

wamabama · 09/11/2013 08:50

It would be different if you handed her a bag of clothes you didn't want anymore and some of it wasn't to her taste or didn't fit properly. I've been given some clothes for DC that I really didn't like so I either gave them away or sold them straight away, as ungrateful as that may sound. They would be sitting in a bag otherwise and I didn't ask for or need them.

But the fact she chose them and then went on to sell them just sounds like she was profiteering from your generosity to me. She should have asked if you would be ok with her doing that first or if you wanted them back. It could be that she needed the money so thought she'd get a fair amount from them, buy some cheaper work clothes and use the rest of the money for whatever I guess but still, it's rude.

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