I am fully prepared to be told IABVU for this, but here goes.
DD is 19, she has always been bright & ambitious, always in the top set and achieved great GCSE's - almost all straight A*/As , sporty and a bubbly, life of the party type of girl but since the middle of her lower sixth form year she seems to have dropped out from life entirely.
For the past 2.5 years she has been very withdrawn, depressed, very anxious about leaving the house, panicking if DH and I would be leaving her alone for the night, has lost touch with all her friends, put on 2 stone and is now somewhat of a recluse.
DH and I were bewildered at first, did something happen to her? did someone hurt her? did she see something traumatizing? etc. We asked (more like pleaded and begged) her to tell us what was wrong and how we could help her and she would just sit there and cry silently and not answer us. It was honestly the most heart-wrenching thing I've ever seen, we felt so powerless.
She refused to go to school and would have panic attacks if we tried to force her into going, seeing as she was 17 at the time, eventually we dropped the issue altogether, thinking that she would snap out her funk in her own time but we still tried in vain to get her to attend cbt sessions. She spent most of her time crying, sleeping, reading or just sitting.
She confided in me in June that she had been raped walking home from the library, around the same time as she had become depressed. I think she confirmed something that was in the back of my mind all along. I told DH as I couldn't keep something like this from him, and he broke down in tears. We asked if she wanted to report it and find her rapist and press charges against him, but she completely refused. We tried to support her as much as we could.
Since DD told us what happened, it is like a weight has been lifted off her, she has begun to slowly heal. she has begun attending rape counselling and a support group, losing weight and exercising, reaching out to some of her old friends and beginning to join us on our family walks.
This is all excellent and I am relieved beyond words and I have cried with happiness that she is getting better. My AIBU is about this next situation, Last week DD told DH and I that she had been looking for a job, we asked what kind of job as she only has GCSE's and no work experience. She told us she applied for Tesco's, Asda, Aldi etc. and Boots, Superdrug, some other clothing retailers, a cleaning job, admin assistant job etc.
If I am honest with you, and I will be as this is anonymous I am feeling embarrassed with DD for not choosing to go back to college now she is better, and do an access course or her A levels and go to university like her peers. She is choosing low paid small jobs when she used to have so many plans for her life. So many dreams for her future.
Her two cousins have just finished their first years of medical school and an economics degree. Her friends are either doing charity work abroad or are in university, working towards a secure future.
I feel a tiny bit ashamed when people ask me about her now, before when she was depressed, she was ill and I would tell people who asked after her that she was ill and that I didn't want to talk about it. Now...what can I say? My beautiful brilliant DD is a shelf stacker at Asda?? I know I am wrong to say this, but I wanted DD to be more than a cashier or receptionist, I wanted her to be one of life's achievers.
How can I steer back into academia? (or should I even do that?)
Please help me MN,
A worried mother