Am I overreacting? (Porn related)

[Bumpkin2]

I found the search history of what my OH has been youtubing a couple of days ago and was pretty horrified by what I found, but I'm really not sure if I'm over reacting or not so need some impartial advice!

There were lots along the lines of "sexy teen erotic dancing" I'm not overly happy at the thought of him looking up porn, but it's the teen part that's really bothering me. He's nearly 40 and I just find that disturbing. He'd have been looking it up in the middle of the night, probably while I was in the middle of a night feed (9 month baby) and that bothers me too for some reason.

He knows I've found it but as DD was ill we've not spoken any more than that. I was actually looking up an episode of Postman Pat to comfort her when I found it!

Whenever I talk to him about anything he's doing at the moment he says I'm over reacting and I think I've lost confidence in my own opinions. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I know the opinion of porn in relationships varies greatly, but it's really the teen part that I'm wondering about here. I've only seen the youtube history so not sure what else he's been looking up but I can only presume it's along the same lines.

Thanks

I do tend to agree, though, that if a 40 year old man founds a 15 year old attractive in "real life", I'd be suspicious of what this meant about the man's attitudes/what he was after, etc.
And, clearly, doing something about it would be decidedly dodgy.

But we're talking generally here aren't we. 15 is still a schoolgirl. There is quite a difference between a 15 year old and a 21 year old of course. This thread is about a 40 year old man who goes looking for titillating videos of underage girls while his wife is feeding his child.

Londonman Are you terminally single? Do you ever get laid? Do you always objectify women? Are you for real? Does your opinion represent all men? Jesus..your post is the biggest load of shit i've ever read on here. There are other places for you to go and spout crap...

For info, My DH's totty 9bizzrely) is susan kennedy off neighbours and joanna lumley. he is 35. i have no fear of aging :) he says i get better...

sorry typos nak

from neighbours..jesus

Yes, true (sorry, OP, if you're still around!).
FWIW, I think you (OP) are not BU at all to feel pissed off about this. I know I would be. Hope you're OK.

I wouldn't write your OH off as a pervert on the basis of this, though. Possibly just a bit inconsiderate and dealing with his own stress/exhaustion (albeit probably much less than yours if you're BF) in a suboptimal way....
Hope your weekend's been going well.

So when people search for teen erotica it's just because the models are in their 20's and it's not because they are dodgy old pervs who get off on the idea of shagging teenage girls? Thanks for clarifying.

TheKnightswhoSayNi

I don't think my post needs clarification, actually. I think it is very clear if taken at face value, and I suspect that anyone who finds it unclear is probably reading in a subtext that isn't there: for example the (rather laughable) claim that I am doing it for some kind of kick, or that I am defending paedophiles.

Children legally become adults at prescribed times. Biologically they grow into adults, and the term "teen" tends to obscure this point. I suspect that it is unusual for a man to find 13 year old girls sexually attractive. Such a man needs treatment and if he acts on his desires - prosecution. I suspect, however, that it is quite normal for a man to find 19 year old girls attractive.

It is of course quite pathetic to witness a man above the age of 30 chatting up a 19 year old. This is because we should all be capabable of not acting on our instincts. I think this is actually quite an obvious point, and I can only assume that those who think it is offensive to point out that children under the age of 16 are not completely sexless also believe we should be entitled to act according to our natures. I am very happy not to be on the same side of the debate as them.

I am also very happy to be on the other side of the debate to those who irresponsibly think this is not an appropriate topic for a parenting forum, and cast aspersions at those who raise some pretty simple points. The febrile atmosphere generated by the Savile revelations should not be used to supress discussions like these and leave people in ignorance.

Well done Londonman for returning to the thread and fronting up.

Will everyone stop calling Yetanotherrandomman 'random', because that's what people call me and it's giving me the heebie jeebie's! My stomach turned over when I saw your posts ScaryFucker, it took me ages to work out you were talking about this ^^ other guy.

And Yetanotherrandomman, you were obviously having a laugh weren't you? A man can be attracted to a child without being a pervert... okaaay And I'm the naive one?

I have been out for Sunday dinner and come back to find a truckload of backpedalling gobshitery.

Brilliant.

RandomMan (is that better RandomAxe?), I think your comment did need clarification. It's one thing to say a man may find a 19yo attractive. I don't really agree that everyone does, though. I find someone under 20s to appear too young to find them attractive now. It's totally normal, I think, for, say a 14yo boy to want sex with a 13 or 14yo girl (as an example). Unlike children who just don't have any concept of these things and shouldn't be thought of like that by anyone. In that way, the teenage group is not entirely sexless like pre-teen children are. Which is why all parents of teenagers are scared of underage pregnancy, etc. Maybe that's what your getting at?

I just don't think it's entirely normal for a middle aged man to find even late teens attentive in that way. Surely by that age, they would appear like children to this man?

I hope I've explained that right.

Which I did because my suggestive typing put "attentive" instead of "attractive" for some reason.

Oops. "didn't" not "did". Bloody phone

My dh works with students, they are leggy peachy and thoroughly legal. They quite often have rather obvious crushes on him and he is entirely unmoved because he does not find them attractive, and that makes perfect sense to me because I no longer fancy twenty year olds...they look improbably young and are no matter how bright and incredible are not in anyway sexy. He likes them, cares for them, he feels protective towards them...I get this because that s how I feel too.

I remember the men who treated me like meat as a teen and the are ones do which there were plenty. Thy weren't repressing urges,they didn't feel them. Some men do, they are at best sad.

Yep TheKnights - there has been so much bollocks being expressed such as 'average', 'instinct' and 'wired' one doesn't know where to begin, if at all. One stand out one is that 'assumption' that women at early twenties are most sexually attractive to hetro-sexual men.(based spuriously on some biological fact re fertility), and middle-aged men need to overcome their instincts to not 'phwoar' at them. Nope, that isn't 'normal' at all. The dominant driver is 'care' not 'phwoar'. hth

crossed with 48th, yes we are outstandingly sophisticated and civilised individuals! No need to be pen'ed up when a young woman walks by.

Incidentally, just read about an Australian survey of over 2,000 men which found they found women aged 30 most attractive. So no, not teenage children at all.

Excellent, now you're back & caught up Scary, as asked at 15:36, could you please cut & paste from one of my previous posts on this thread that would indicate that I find 15 YO Girls attractive as I still can't find one & neither can DW, DS1 or DS2.

Interestingly though, DS1 asked me straight away if my "secret subject" was going to be about back when he was 17 & his GF was 15 as that was something me & DW discussed with him at great length at the time...

Teenage sexual attraction - Gregory's Girl has just started on ITV3.

I must admit - with her latest video I just think "put some clothes on love", the song's really catchy, but I prefer the Greg James version of the video...

There's never been anything attractive to me with any of the kids GFs, or any of the "yoofs" I see down town or in the pub. The physical bits & pieces are present, but mentally there's nothing that appeals.

They're nice enough to talk to, but it's very apparent they're a totally different generation & there's little or no common ground. I include my DCs in that, if we weren't related........

I have to admit - I thought the exact same thing when I saw what Miley has become. It's just cringe worthy to see. All I can think is, "her Dad is her manager." WTF?

It's good to know I'm not in the minority.

Something very odd is going on in Hollywood with its 'stars' who always begin looking wholesome, then transform into something rather more disturbing. This is a whole other issue tbh and imo is no coincidence. It's also no coincidence that their parents are usually in the background pimping them. It's a whole different world. I don't let my children watch music videos.

I watched the Greg James version first (because it came up on Chat) & then had to look at the original to see what he was taking the mick out of. As I said, I preferred his version. How she even thinks that compares to Sinead O'Connors video is beyond me.

I think a lot of the blame lies with the producers and the industry who believe that "sex sells". I'm so glad that I have DS's as I'd hate to think a DD was being encouraged that this was what she should aspire to.

It's more complex than 'sex sells' and boys are as vulnerable to it as girls in Hollywood imo. But that's a whole other thread.

I hope the OP is ok.

I used to think it was some sort of rebellious phase, but I saw an interview with Charlotte Church recently. She explained that after she grew up and wasn't a cute little girl anymore, they more or less demanded she go on stage half naked or she'd lose her job. Then kind of disappeared when she refused to do it anymore (I don't remember seeing this phase of hers).

It makes me feel quite sorry for these young stars if that's what they go through. It's definitely a form of exploitation. It's as if the idea that sex sells is some sort of ideology and there's no need to even attempt to sell anything else.

Also, OP hasn't posted on this thread since Friday at 4pm, about halfway up the thread.