Am I overreacting? (Porn related)

[Bumpkin2]

I found the search history of what my OH has been youtubing a couple of days ago and was pretty horrified by what I found, but I'm really not sure if I'm over reacting or not so need some impartial advice!

There were lots along the lines of "sexy teen erotic dancing" I'm not overly happy at the thought of him looking up porn, but it's the teen part that's really bothering me. He's nearly 40 and I just find that disturbing. He'd have been looking it up in the middle of the night, probably while I was in the middle of a night feed (9 month baby) and that bothers me too for some reason.

He knows I've found it but as DD was ill we've not spoken any more than that. I was actually looking up an episode of Postman Pat to comfort her when I found it!

Whenever I talk to him about anything he's doing at the moment he says I'm over reacting and I think I've lost confidence in my own opinions. I don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

I know the opinion of porn in relationships varies greatly, but it's really the teen part that I'm wondering about here. I've only seen the youtube history so not sure what else he's been looking up but I can only presume it's along the same lines.

Thanks

Knight hasn't accused me of finding 15 year old girls attractive.

Can you please cut & paste from one of my previous posts on this thread that would indicate that I do - because I sure as heck can't find one.

I don't want this to derail the OP's thread, but I'm really ticked off that you have decided that I'm here to get "validation" for something that's only in your head....

Random, Scary's interpretation comes from where you said that underage girls can appear sexy to men who are not perverts. You may be trying to make another point by saying that, but I've just read it again and I don't understand what you are trying to say. It reads like you are saying there's no excuse for actually doing it, but that men do find underage girls attractive. Perhaps you can explain what you are trying to say?

As for the "magic switch" you just mentioned, I assume you refer to this thing where they say there's only a day between legal and not legal? As I've said, I find this idea questionable at best and I even wonder if it's an idea perpetuated by pedophiles in order to make what they do seem less abhorrent. My understanding is that what I find attractive has gotten steadily older as I got older, which I believe to be normal.

I'm not Random

I think this is where the issue is - look at the sodding Usernames!!

Are you two the sort of numpty that sets an angry mob on a Paediatrician?

Please, read my posts, read them in relation to the other posts in the conversation.

My mention of "magic switch" was in relation to people in the same age bracket - i.e. 18 YO kid with 15 YO GF/BF paedo one day, not the next - Spain has it right in that they take the relative ages into account.

After Scary ripped into Random I posted that her choice of rabble rousing language had dissuaded me from posting that.

End Of....

I understand why you are upset and think it's unfortunate that you found this. A lot of people like the school uniform style porn. Whilst the term teen sounds dodgy I actually think it probably results in pretty standard porn I.e. 18-22 year old beauties. If I googled porn then I would be looking for the younger age range too I think. Brad Pitt aged 20 was just more beautiful! It doesn't mean I don't love and fancy my husband or that I want to find someone younger. Just that that is the better porn iyswim. I would just yet to move on.

Oh look, a handy link to our guidelines
Peace and love pls.

Dave, you are defending "random's" and I presume LondonMan's posts when you say that my comments to them have put you off posting.

So, in respect of their posts you have an issue with mine and agree with theirs. Or else you would have denounced them. That is all you had to do, but you didn't. Why didn't you ? Why did you pick up their thread and want to run with it, to talk about the sexual attractiveness of 15yo girls ? I am not inferring anything from your posts that is not already there.

"Random" was also supposed to be bolded

As the mother of teenage daughters, if any man I lived with was searching for 'teen' erotica I'd be serving him marching orders.

Dave's dog, I apologise for losing the thread. Plus I thought Scary was still ripping into random.

In principle, I agree with stepped age ranges. I think France has that as well. Scary, is that idea worth a flaming? It would actually offer a more sensible protection in that 16 and 43 is not legal, but 15 and 17 is OK.

Dave, your post that Scary would attack you for your opinion can be interpreted as agreeing with those she is attacking, which by the sounds of it you do not.

Right, I honestly think you're reading too much into this.

I totally disagree with Londonman - he was right out of order. I didn't feel the need to "validate" him with a response.

Random stated a fact. He said (and I quote from the correct person) -
"Girls do not suddenly become "sexy" on their 16th or 18th birthday. It is precisely for this reason why there are laws prohibiting sexual relations with minors, and also why they need to be strictly enforced. "

OK - I don't take umbrage with that, the facts are correct.

Random then said " It is precisely for this reason why there are laws prohibiting sexual relations with minors, and also why they need to be strictly enforced. "

Again, a fact I totally agree with.

Scary (a bit further down) then says "Random, the fact that you are completely oblivious to how sinister your words sound is quite worrying.

Or perhaps you are fully aware of it, and that's part of the thrill"

Sorry, I didn't find it particularly "Sinister". But, in light of your insinuations towards him, I didn't feel comfortable making the post I was going to make (still don't TBH) and said so.

And lo & behold, before the end of the page I'm accused of finding 15 YO girls sexually attractive.

I think you're being out of order & I've done nothing to warrant your insinuations.

it's that simple TBH.

Xpost with Knight there - Thanks. I wasn't going to post anything that I'd consider controversial (or even distasteful) but Scary seems awfully quick to lump people into certain camps, despite my not wanting this to happen, it has anyway!!

Not sure who that says more about!!

I think someone's protesting too much.

What on earth are you talking about? Earlier you said you were not able to say what you really think because people would find it sinister. That is why people felt you were verging towards or outwardly supporting the idea that it's perfectly normal for 40 year old men (or 80 year old men!) to find 15 year old girls attractive. As AF rightly pointed out, that is not an idea that there will be support for on a parenting website where many of us have daughters.

Then you've gone on a rant and ended up swearing at me - you sound delightful(!)

AHEM

I've been too scared to return to the thread since originally posting, but seeing it is now active again, I've decided to issue a "clarification" of my original post (without reading any more responses!.)

A better way to say the controversial part of what I was trying to say is that the "ideal woman" is in her early twenties, and other women are attractive to the extent they resemble the ideal woman. The further away from that ideal age, the fewer women will match the ideal.

I wanted to give an age-range rather than a precise number, I originally thought 15-25, but thought that was unkind to my audience as well as putting the centre (the ideal) a little to low. I though it should be 22-23, so changed the age range to 15-30, which gives a window of seven years either side. That was probably somewhat unreasonable, as the distribution is likely to be asymmetrical and right-tailed, so it's more likely that a 30-year-old could resemble the ideal than a 15-year-old could. Which is another way of saying I should probably have estimated a figure a little older than 15 for the lower bound.

I have since googled for statistics, and found a wikipedia article on attractiveness which cites data that the ideal age is in fact 21, marginally younger than I thought.

When I was 12 I fancied my English teacher, who was about 22-23. I also fancied classmates the same age as me, but given a choice between the two, I would rather have seen naked photos of the teacher. My point is, practicality determines the age you flirt with, so that changes with your own age. The age you want to look at naked photos of doesn't really change with time.

(For those speculating on my real-life tastes, I was recently dismayed to realise that an attractive early-thirties mother I was talking to was, by one rule-of-thumb, too young for me to decently flirt with. Most of my personal experience of what 15-year-olds look like is more than 30 years old, my vague idea of what 15 looks like probably now comes more from movies than from real life.)

LondonMan what the actual fuck I've never read so much drivel in all my life.

This thread or Stars On Sunday. I'm torn.

Why, Strumpetron?
I've just stumbled across this in Active, and can't access a lot of the previous posts (some deleted, etc. - so apologies if I've missed important stuff here). But at least some of what Londonman says makes sense to me (and I am certainly not an advocate of older men going after much younger women/girls in real life).

Although there are obviously many other factors, female fertility has (evolutionarily) very likely shaped what turns men on, in a very basic "brain-and-body-wiring" way. Obviously, cultural factors can, and should, also shape this, and men (mostly) have a choice on how they act on their attractions.
But in terms of basic physical attraction....? How can it be wrong to point out the age at which, statistically, women are most sexually attractive to men in pictures?

Londonman, you don't think your 'audience' would be relieved to find they are outside of your 'ideal woman' range?

Your convoluted theories don't hide the fact that you sound like a complete tosser.

'How can it be wrong to point out the age at which, statistically, women are most sexually attractive to men in pictures?'

You think that age is 15?

I was going by the reported 21 average (which probably coincides with some max. fertility statistics).

But , as I'm sure must have been said before, I think if a man finds a 15 year old, who happens to be physically mature, attractive (without knowing they are 15/without acting on it), then I think it's a bit tough to judge that. Judge the actions if you want, not the attraction.