Mother is refusing to bring DD (3) back from abroad as agreed!

[AbsolutelyBloodyFurious]

My mother and stepfather live abroad in an Asian country that is a 16 hour flight away. They are out there due to my stepfather's work.

DH and I visited with DD (aged 3) last month for 2 weeks and as we had been experiencing some marital difficulties (he let's me do everything-cleaning, shopping, paperwork, childcare drop offs etc even though I earn double what he does and I am sick of it), my mother suggested that DD stay on with them for 2 weeks extra (as they are flying back to the UK anyway) to give us some time together.

I was not happy and said no initially as I am quite an anxious person and it is just too far away but was made to feel like an idiot so I agreed.

DD was supposed to come back next Wednesday but my mother has just rung me and said that they are postponing coming back until next month due to problems with stepfather's work so DD will have been over there for almost 7 weeks in all without us.

I am beyond furious. I would never have left her if I had any suspicion that they would do this. I am already completely stressed out worrying about DD constantly. My mother will look after her OK but anything could happen right? I cannot cope with another 5 weeks of this. There is also the impact this will have on DD being away from us so long.

I can't afford another flight out there and would need at least another week off work which I won't get.

Mother has said she won't fly back on her own with DD. She has to wait for my stepfather (mother does not work out there).

I want to bloody scream!!

Personally I would put the cost of the flight(s) on a credit card, book a few days off work, go out there and come back on more or less the next flight out. And they would never have DD alone again.

I would simply inform the police....and borrow the flight money from the bank. Wtf does she thing she's doing!? and I'm sorry but you should NEVER have left her.

Oh dear, I wouldn't be happy at all about this. What country are they in? How is your DD?

You don't need a week off work, fly out one day and return the next. Yes, you'll be very tired, but surely getting your daughter is more important. Also, you'll have to use savings or get a loan for the air fare.

Sorry but I'd be finding the money and taking the time off!

Jesus Christ there's no way on this earth I would have left my child.

But that's done now. Book te flights on a credit card and get the kids back or ring the police.

I think you really need to find the money somehow and go and get her. I would be devastated to be away from my DD for that long! You must feel so powerless and upset. I really feel for you.

Oh no, that sounds horrific. Poor you and poor DD

Is there any chance you could meet halfway? That way you don't have to take so much time off work - could even do it in a weekend, and your mum doesn't have a 16hr flight to concern herself with.

Being persuaded to fly home against your better judgement and being 'made to feel like an idiot' - well, that's a whole thing on its own that I think you should address.

I'd be finding the money and flying out and straight back that day if possible.

Agree with everyone else. Credit card. Get the flights booked back to back. Go and get your daughter.

Are you serious?

is this even legal?
Isn't there a law about taking children out of the UK for an extended period of time? I'm probably imagining this but I'm sure I saw it on a notice somewhere.

Beg borrow steal and get yourself there. But get some legal advice from someone who knows the law of the country they are in to make sure you don't get you and your dd caught up in some dispute where mums have no rights with the kids or something. Do not leave without her

Good grief! Yes borrow the money, tell work you have an emergency and get over there to get there. Presumably your mother has dd's passport? I would take her birth certificate and anything else you have with you in case of issue. Two weeks for a three year old is fine. Another month or more and you are going to cause her real emtional issues. Go and get your daughter and once you have her read your mum the riot act. This is NOT ok and will never happen again.

Book flight immediately and go get your DD back, I wouldn't trust her not to disappear. Then make sure she never sets eyes on your DD again.

I wouldn't tell your mum you're coming out there either. Just show up at the house. This is very odd beahviour from them.

Don't say anymore to them. Tell your company you have a family emergency, via email if you have to, so they get it monday. get on the next flight out and collect your dd. fly back immediately.
You should be back Monday.

When you get back, Dont ever let them have your dd again or be alone with her and ensure her passport is kept at another location. Notify the police and get advice for the future, including your dh getting her a new passport unknown to you, and make sure nursery, if she is at one, that only you collect ever.

Total nightmare. I wouldn't say anything to them, just go, in case they move her. Then you are screwed.

Sorry, of course you are. I'm sorry.

you need yo forget about work etc & go out there & bring her home. She belongs with her mother, not her grandmother.

I'd be having serious words with your mother too!!

Tell her that you want your DD back as agreed, and that an additional month is not acceptable. You appreciate that there are problems with your Stepfathers job, but that's by the by - you will be coming over so they don't need to worry about bringing her over. Perhaps she could pay for your flight?

Alternatively, book the flights, (stick the cost on the credit card if you can) and arrive unannounced. Do you think there is the slightest possibility that your DM might decide not to return her? If so, phone the police.

Bloody hell OP. Get on a plane and get your DD back!! Once you have her safely home, you may also want to unleash holy hell on your mother for putting you in this ridiculous position!!!

I would also contact the police, a lawyer in your MIL country to deal with their end while you fly over. This has no become cold abduction.

Also be bloody careful please. Do not hand your or your dds pass port over to anyone. Keep them on you at all times and get yourself clued up. NOW. You cannot wait.

Yes to taking documents to say she is your child, and also make sure you have the number of the British embassy to hand.

Don't even stop for tea and a chat. I expect you are kicking yourself, but just book a flight, use skyscanner to get the cheapest and book a return for you and dd.

I'm guessing she's probably too young to fly alone as an unaccompanied minor? Not sure what airline policy is on this.
Don't think I could cope that long without my 3 year old and at that age it's probably difficult to know how she is from a telephone call. (she might've been encouraged to be jolly so as not to worry you)
Put the flight on credit card and get the next flight out and make sure, when you return home, that you let the parents know how furious you are. And never leave her again.

That was meant to read 'This has now become child abduction.'