Mother is refusing to bring DD (3) back from abroad as agreed!

[AbsolutelyBloodyFurious]

My mother and stepfather live abroad in an Asian country that is a 16 hour flight away. They are out there due to my stepfather's work.

DH and I visited with DD (aged 3) last month for 2 weeks and as we had been experiencing some marital difficulties (he let's me do everything-cleaning, shopping, paperwork, childcare drop offs etc even though I earn double what he does and I am sick of it), my mother suggested that DD stay on with them for 2 weeks extra (as they are flying back to the UK anyway) to give us some time together.

I was not happy and said no initially as I am quite an anxious person and it is just too far away but was made to feel like an idiot so I agreed.

DD was supposed to come back next Wednesday but my mother has just rung me and said that they are postponing coming back until next month due to problems with stepfather's work so DD will have been over there for almost 7 weeks in all without us.

I am beyond furious. I would never have left her if I had any suspicion that they would do this. I am already completely stressed out worrying about DD constantly. My mother will look after her OK but anything could happen right? I cannot cope with another 5 weeks of this. There is also the impact this will have on DD being away from us so long.

I can't afford another flight out there and would need at least another week off work which I won't get.

Mother has said she won't fly back on her own with DD. She has to wait for my stepfather (mother does not work out there).

I want to bloody scream!!

Call the British Consulate in that country (or the office in the UK) and tell them what has happened.

Basically a British citizen is being held against her will in a non EU country. She is also being kept against the will of her parents (depending of course on your dh's view, assume he agrees with you).

It is irrelevant that it is your mother or that this is family.

I'm also fairly sure that under the children act there is a time limit on trips abroad without parental consent.

Bloody hell. I can't believe you left your THREE year old on her own in a strange country for two weeks, let alone that you are so unconcerned about leaving her for nearly two months!

Begging thread season is nearly upon us

Perhaps we were all supposed to offer money for the flight?

< cynical >

Well, I don't think being over the fury is a sign this is fake - remember the OP has been raised by a controlling bullying mother she's been trained to accept what her mother says. it's hard if you've been raised like that to stand up to your parents when they do something that's so obviously unacceptable, esp if your 'D'H isn't acting like it's a big deal either. It takes a lot of confidence if everyone around you thinks this is perfectly fine to justify the cost and holiday usage and just go.

That your boss will understand is obvious to me because everyone I know would think this is unacceptable, but if you are surrounded by people who think this is perfectly fine and you're overreacting, you might question if your boss will be fine about short notice time off.

OP, you are right to worry, just go get your DD, don't be 'talked' into anything by your mum again. you don't have to defer to her decisions anymore, you're an adult.

It's all very well talking, but I don't think your that bothered tbh, or you would be there getting your dd. all these obstacles you mention, can be taken care of if you really wanted to, but I don't think you do really!

I'm shocked that this could even happen. I can't believe anyone would leave their child for that long, simply because there were some marital issues and you were made to feel ungrateful for not wanting to say yes to the offer.

Get on a plane and go and get her.

Utterly fucking stunned by this.

I get the impression OP expected people to reply with stuff like don't worry about it, not a big deal etc so she could get the pat on the back she needed not to bother going to get her dd. And now she's got the opposite response, she's getting defensive and trying to reassure herself that its okay not to go since we haven't done that for her.

Or she's a you know what.

Had that thought too Worra.

Why do people post "reported"? Can they not just report without making a song and dance about it?

Oooh interesting idea worra

Good afternoon all

We do advise all our members to be aware that not everyone on t'internet is who they say they are, and that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks awfully.

well I certainly wouldn't have left her and would certainly go and get her now if I were you.

op my mother is 80. she still cries when she tells us about the time she was evacuated during the war to wales to stay with her aunty ( so not a stranger) her mother, my grand mother, told her she was going for a walk and would be back later, she caught the train home and my mother didn't see her for another 6 months. she was 7.

it's scarred her for life, she has trust, emotional issues and to this day never forgave her mother or trusted her again.

think long and hard op.

Doesn't your dh want to see his dd either for 5 flipping weeks??!

I am seriously shocked that you haven't already booked your flights and headed off to collect your daughter. I can totally understand why your mother doesn't want to fly back
on her own with a 3 yr old but she is your child and your responsibility. So stop sitting here wondering about the effects of separation on your daughter and go and get her for fucks sake.

Ho hum.

Just go and get her.

oh just read the MNHQ post. really saddened.

So it's a troll then!

Assuming this is genuine then let me tell you how 7 weeks without seeing her grandparents affected my daughter. She no longer knew them. She wouldn't go near them or anything and actively hid from them. My dd normally sees her grandparents a lot, far more than most. But also what happens in 5 weeks when your stepfather still isn't free and it gets put back another 2 weeks then 3 weeks. How far back are you willing to get it pushed before you go to get her.

Because we're not allowed to shout 'TROLL', candy. So lots of posters put 'reported' as a hint to others.

No HQ post that on any thread where money could be changing hands. Must say i'm sure nobody would be daft enough to offer the OP cash here though. If she isn't bothered about seeing her young daughter I'm sure there's no need for anybody else to be.

Or because they want the person who posted a contentious post to know that they've reported it.

Indeed Olivia. Agree with worra tis nearly the season and all that.

FFS. I get suckered in by this shit all the time. Good job I'm permanently skint